"Do I like her" Mum asked me about her new carer day three of being home

[Kerryblue]

Well day two was a disaster.
Can you believe Mum didn't want to leave the home. She said she was happy there then chaos finally descended.

The first day mum woke up back at home she was angry and confused. Typically on repeat "who is this person in my house? Why is she here? I don't want her here. Who is she? I do everything myself. I don't need any help..

Crisis descended. I called the care home to see if they had a room. Meanwhile brother happy in Canada as carer had sent him a picture the night before of mum smiling and happy back at home.

So much for taking a back seat. Brother says to carry on !!!! Carer and mum seemed to settle a bit yesterday but only if mum doesn't really see carer who hides mostly in her room as she said if mum saw her she got cross. I feel so sorry for carer.

Many many repeated calls from mum to me "I don't want her here. Who is she? Who made this happen"? Over and over again.

She cannot even remember the home now or anything. Nor the fall. So she is tearful' suspicious and paranoid. She wants reassurance all the time and for me to fill in the gaps. How frightening must that be?

If I said how I really felt I would have my post deleted!! Onwards and upwards.
Carer said she wanted to leave as she did not know what to do. The trouble is the whole pattern will start again each morning mum wakes up. It's a fresh shock again to her to have a stranger in her house and of course, she does everything for herself...........

 

[Grannie G]

When my husband first had a carer at home I told him she was a cleaner who would make life easier for me. Bless her heart she agreed to sit in the kitchen , out of his way.

Gradually she won his confidence, first by offering to make him a drink and then by actually cleaning the house , which was a bonus for me. There was a time when she was using the vac , my husband lifted the rug so she could vac underneath it.

Saying the carer was there to help me was the answer to my problems. You know your mum best so try to think of a way round it.

 

[Pinkys]

Your situation is dreadful. I have read your posts with great sympathy, as my MiL is in care, and when the guilt gets to me, I wonder about whether we should have tried 24 care at home. However, rationality reasserts itself, and I remember why she is there in the first place 'nothing wrong with me..I do not need carers...no, nothing wrong with my bowels..I can manage.... All of which obviously was untrue. She barred the door against people coming into the house, or just went out. Terrible. My OH is an only child though, so the only pressure we have had is from the neighbours, unbelievably, who visited at one point and then told us that MiL had said she would be very happy with carers at home. Since the poor woman can"t have any kind of rational conversation, I doubt this very much.

Anyway, how is it going now? when does your brother return? I would be sooo tempted to bombard him with bulletins. But I am not a very nice person.

 

[HillyBilly]

Anyway, how is it going now? when does your brother return? I would be sooo tempted to bombard him with bulletins. But I am not a very nice person.

^^^ What Pinkys said!

 

[HillyBilly]

How are things going, Kerryblue? You've not posted for a while so I hope that means everything is as OK as it can be!

 

[Pear trees]

I am having to arrange new carers for my mum as my sister in law cannot cope with her anymore than once a day, so I know what you are going through.
My mum will not accept non white or non english carers and is very rude to them, even though she does not recognise anybody in the family!

 

[HillyBilly]

Wrong thread!

 

[Slugsta]

I am having to arrange new carers for my mum as my sister in law cannot cope with her anymore than once a day, so I know what you are going through.
My mum will not accept non white or non english carers and is very rude to them, even though she does not recognise anybody in the family!

We are currently trying to get a care package organised for my Mum. I have to ask her whether she will accept a male carer, which is fair enough. I hadn't even thought about how she will react if/when the carer turns out to be 'foreign' in any way