Hi all,
I need some extra help in supporting mum, but don't think she will cooperate. I don't know if a private carer to pop in when I can't would work better for her, as me mentioning social services, will upset her. She doesn't think she needs any help, and certainly not from SS!
I think I am underestimating what I do and maybe mum doesn't really need much more help than I am currently giving. I just worry that I might be missing things like personal care issue I think. I have volunteered to help her shower etc but she claims to do this herself.
My brother stays over with mum several nights a week, in the guise of it being to help mum but I think its more for his own benefit, it's been going on for years. Its reassuring for her and me that he is there keeping an eye. He was very dismissive when I raised concerns about mums memory and I took it upon myself to have her assessed anyway, and she was diagnosed with Alzhemiers. My brother was angry at me for doing so, and said there's nothing wrong with her, just old age! Though its early stages, I'm noticing changes and mum lacks insight. I'm having to visit most days, with most of the responsibility falling on me. My brother says we must work together, though does very little, brings nothing to the table and I find him very difficult to deal. He has strong views on things and tries to push these on me. Mum and brother have a complex relationship and she protects him. Mum needs reminding to change her clothes. Her diet is poor, but I rather her eat what she wants than eat nothing. She seems fixated on eating takeaway which she orders herself most if not every night, even if I have provided a cooked meal for her.
I told my brother about the changes, and that I am finding it difficult managing all of it myself, especially giving meds. Automated pill box didn't work for her. I need extra help, and he just brushes it off really and says in time. I have had a few heated arguments with my brother, and have taken it upon myself to speak to social services today to get an assessment, without either mum or brother knowing. I feel awful as mum is not a fan of SS and having my brother there she feels some security/reassurance on those nights. I'm not trying to get him put out, but don't want her needs neglected. I just don't know what to do at times it gets overwhelming.
I'm finding it quite stressful and need to take care of myself. I have Generalised anxiety disorder, and I find I'm battling with both my Mum who is difficult and relies and expects my help, but also having to deal with my brother. He thinks I'm over reacting and not allowing my mum to live her life as she wants to. I think he is in denial or worried he might lose his place.
Mum doesn't seem to be having much of a life. I tried to get her involved in social groups, she's not interested in anything besides sitting at home watching the CCTV most of the day. She doesn't want a befriender. She does venture out each morning to get breakfast, which she has been doing for years, which is good. Mum would be so annoyed to know Social Services were involved, though I called them today out of frustration for advice, and because my brother had really annoyed me, over me raising concerns about a rug being removed which I think is a hazard for mum. He didn't see it as a concern and just me stressing myself over nothing. He told me to live my life, and let my mum make the decisions for herself. I don't think he gets it. I can't work with him, and need to just go above him even though he is older. I'm really anxious about having contacted SS, and what they might do with regard to my brother. I'm not trying to get him removed, my mum would not want that to happen, but I think he is more of a hindrance than a help! I just want mum to get the support she needs if I am missing anything and for me to receive some support too!
I guess I'm just venting right now, but any advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks
H
I need some extra help in supporting mum, but don't think she will cooperate. I don't know if a private carer to pop in when I can't would work better for her, as me mentioning social services, will upset her. She doesn't think she needs any help, and certainly not from SS!
I think I am underestimating what I do and maybe mum doesn't really need much more help than I am currently giving. I just worry that I might be missing things like personal care issue I think. I have volunteered to help her shower etc but she claims to do this herself.
My brother stays over with mum several nights a week, in the guise of it being to help mum but I think its more for his own benefit, it's been going on for years. Its reassuring for her and me that he is there keeping an eye. He was very dismissive when I raised concerns about mums memory and I took it upon myself to have her assessed anyway, and she was diagnosed with Alzhemiers. My brother was angry at me for doing so, and said there's nothing wrong with her, just old age! Though its early stages, I'm noticing changes and mum lacks insight. I'm having to visit most days, with most of the responsibility falling on me. My brother says we must work together, though does very little, brings nothing to the table and I find him very difficult to deal. He has strong views on things and tries to push these on me. Mum and brother have a complex relationship and she protects him. Mum needs reminding to change her clothes. Her diet is poor, but I rather her eat what she wants than eat nothing. She seems fixated on eating takeaway which she orders herself most if not every night, even if I have provided a cooked meal for her.
I told my brother about the changes, and that I am finding it difficult managing all of it myself, especially giving meds. Automated pill box didn't work for her. I need extra help, and he just brushes it off really and says in time. I have had a few heated arguments with my brother, and have taken it upon myself to speak to social services today to get an assessment, without either mum or brother knowing. I feel awful as mum is not a fan of SS and having my brother there she feels some security/reassurance on those nights. I'm not trying to get him put out, but don't want her needs neglected. I just don't know what to do at times it gets overwhelming.
I'm finding it quite stressful and need to take care of myself. I have Generalised anxiety disorder, and I find I'm battling with both my Mum who is difficult and relies and expects my help, but also having to deal with my brother. He thinks I'm over reacting and not allowing my mum to live her life as she wants to. I think he is in denial or worried he might lose his place.
Mum doesn't seem to be having much of a life. I tried to get her involved in social groups, she's not interested in anything besides sitting at home watching the CCTV most of the day. She doesn't want a befriender. She does venture out each morning to get breakfast, which she has been doing for years, which is good. Mum would be so annoyed to know Social Services were involved, though I called them today out of frustration for advice, and because my brother had really annoyed me, over me raising concerns about a rug being removed which I think is a hazard for mum. He didn't see it as a concern and just me stressing myself over nothing. He told me to live my life, and let my mum make the decisions for herself. I don't think he gets it. I can't work with him, and need to just go above him even though he is older. I'm really anxious about having contacted SS, and what they might do with regard to my brother. I'm not trying to get him removed, my mum would not want that to happen, but I think he is more of a hindrance than a help! I just want mum to get the support she needs if I am missing anything and for me to receive some support too!
I guess I'm just venting right now, but any advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks
H