Deterioration since being placed in care home

[JAcky1205]

Hi everyone looking for some advice please.
My dad was placed in a care home (long story but it was done under a family dispute). He has constantly said he wants to go home back to my mum (his wife of 64years) he has lost mental capacity for making decisions about health and property. He has deteriorated quite rapidly since his time in the care home. One thing we as family have noticed is that when we visit intially he seems quite bright but very quickly reverts into himself and sits with his eyes closed - I don’t know why he does this? Apparently when family don’t visit the carehome says he is ok?

We are due to have a best interest meeting with social services to try and get him home as the person who had LPA has now revoked it so he is now under social services. Such a sorry state of affairs for our much loved dad 😔

 

[Andrew Stuart]

My mums just come out of hospital and whilst in she exhibited the same behaviour, was animated and alert when visitors were there, but withdrew and slept when no one was there.

I wouldn't judge the relative who revoked lpoa its a serious undertaking, i have lpoa and feel overwhelmed sometimes, and want to let someone else have it. I know though i am the best person to have it.

I think the care home maybe see this same behaviour and its 'normal' within the range of the illness. He could be simply overwhelmed though, if he is struggling to remember things, people places.

I am looking at getting apps on a cheap tablet that might help with some stimulation mentally. brain gym type stuff.

 

[canary]

One thing we as family have noticed is that when we visit intially he seems quite bright but very quickly reverts into himself and sits with his eyes closed - I don’t know why he does this? Apparently when family don’t visit the carehome says he is ok?

I would guess that he is putting a lot of effort into engaging with you, but after a while he cannot maintain this anymore and is just worn out.

 

[maggieanne]

Hi everyone looking for some advice please.
My dad was placed in a care home (long story but it was done under a family dispute). He has constantly said he wants to go home back to my mum (his wife of 64years) he has lost mental capacity for making decisions about health and property. He has deteriorated quite rapidly since his time in the care home. One thing we as family have noticed is that when we visit intially he seems quite bright but very quickly reverts into himself and sits with his eyes closed - I don’t know why he does this? Apparently when family don’t visit the carehome says he is ok?

We are due to have a best interest meeting with social services to try and get him home as the person who had LPA has now revoked it so he is now under social services. Such a sorry state of affairs for our much loved dad 😔

 

[sdmhred]

Hello as @canary says I imagine he’s just tired ….the move to a care home and the added stimulation will be exhasting for him. It may be with you he is comfortable just to drift off when he feels the need

 

[maggieanne]

My husband went into a care home 8 weeks ago. He has deteriorated quite a bit since he went in.
I visit as often as I can at least 5 times a week and other family members other days. At first he seemed to be settling but at the moment he is all over the place.
When any of us visit he’s the same as your dad chats at first then closes his eyes. If the care home staff say he’s fine when you’re not there this is a good thing.
I’ve thought about bringing him back home, hate seeing him like this.
We were in crisis before he went in so I know I can’t go back to that.
Think seriously about bringing him back home. I know at the moment my husband needs a team of people around him. My heart is saying bring him home but my head knows it won’t be possible.
I hope you are able to work things out.

 

[Cardinal]

Years ago my daughter brought her 1 month old to a large family gathering. Everyone came up to see the new baby. After a short time she closed her eyes and they were closed the rest of the visit. One of our family members , who is a pediatric nurse, said newborns will sometimes close their eyes when everything is too overwhelming. It’s a way for them settle their mind when they’re over stimulated.

I’m wondering if that’s what your dad is doing. He gets excited by your visit, his mind gets overstimulated and he closes his eyes to mentally withdraw from all the attention. He wouldn’t even know he’s doing it.

Also when we placed my mom in a care home she became much worse, than when she was at home. We had to place her because she wandered at night. We felt, at home, she was barely holding it together and once placed in a care home she finally felt safe and she could mentally relax. Once she relaxed all the deterioration of her brain started showing up and she got much worse. I hope that makes sense.

 

[JAcky1205]

Thanks everyone for your advice/feedback, I agree with your comments with him closing his eyes. He’s been in a care home for 8 months now so should of settled, he isn’t getting any additional care here that he didn’t get at home, he’s not mobile so isn’t in any danger of wandering. I personally think he would be better at home, I get mixed responses from the care home staff saying some times he’s ok sometimes he just sleeps, some of the other residents (non dementia) have said that he sleeps at lot but then just says when he’s awake he wants to go back to his wife , it’s so difficult, hopefully when we get the Best interest meeting we can come up with a solution that works best for him

 

[Suzysheep01]

I would urge you to think hard about moving your dad after 8 months. his old home may not be familiar to him at all now and he may still want to go home to his wife Even there.
I really wish you luck. It’s clear you just want what’s best for him.

 

[JAcky1205]

Thank you, it is so difficult to know what to do for the best considering the deterioration in him these last few months. He was cared for perfectly well at home, was not in any danger as he couldn’t walk, but unfortunately, I’m ashamed to say he has been a victim of a family dispute which had nothing to do with dad’s care. It’s so hard trying to seperate his deterioration due to dementia from his depression and unhappiness of being in the carehome/away from mum. Perhaps they go hand in hand.

 

[Suzysheep01]

I’m sorry to hear about your family problems. I’m going through it with mine at the moment…. It seems to be a common theme on here.
if it’s any consolation, my mum asks after my dad and he’s been gone for 8 years now. She asks when she can go home still and has been there for a year on Wednesday. She spent a couple of months in hospital before she went home ( before she had to go to a nursing home) and she didn’t recognise it. She had lived there for 55 years. She had no idea anymore. It was sad.