Deterioration in care home

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by pammy14, Mar 19, 2007.

  1. pammy14

    pammy14 Registered User

    Dec 5, 2005
    103
    leicestershire
    As some of you may know I was looking after my sister for 18 months at my home when she went into respite at Christmas and is now a permanent resident at a care home. when she went in she could walk, feed herself a little with one hand, now she cannot walk, needs to be fed and has really deteriorated although they are looking after her well and she is always clean etc. Now the doctor has prescribed sleeping pills as she does not sleep at night and then sleeps all day. she took the first on Friday and when I visited on Sunday she was awake but very out of it, leaaning to one side and hardly responding to me although she did know who I was.

    It is very sad to see this and it makes me wander if she would have been like this if I had managed to keep her at our home longer, but I have to say I felt a large burden from my shoulders when she went to the home but also guilt that I feel like this.
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Pammy

    So sorry to hear about your sister. But please don't feel guilty. You cared for her for as long as you could, and now she needs more than you can provide.

    No-one can tell whether the deterioration has been accellerated by moving into the care home. But you know it was going to happen anyway, you already saw the signs and were finding it difficult to cope. You certainly wouldn't have been able to cope now.

    Your sister is being well looked after, and you are visiting her regularly -- there is no more you can do. Her system will take a while to settle with the sleeping pills, and the dosage may have to be amended, but once they get it right you may fing she is much mor alert during the day. I hope so.

    Take care of yourself, and don't on any account feel guilty. You've been great.

    Love,
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,112
    Kent
    Dear Pammy,

    I can only echo what Hazel has said.

    We all felt your anguish when you had to find a care home for your sister. The reason you had to, was because her deteriorating condition was making it impossible for you to continue caring alone.

    No one will ever know the answer to your question, but you know, in your heart, you had no option. The lifted burden and guilt, unfortunately come hand in hand.

    Take care,
     
  4. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    I can really sympathise. Grandad went into a care home because my Nan was at risk of a breakdown and Grandad was a danger to himself.

    He has had rapid deterioration since Xmas and now is in hospital with a broken hip. My Nan has her moments of feeling guilty and feels she has to justify her actions all the time.

    But in our heart of hearts we know we have done the right thing and that he would have deteriorated at home just as much and at the jeopardy of Nan's health too.

    Louise x
     
  5. lindaj

    lindaj Registered User

    Jan 15, 2007
    30
    Nottingham
    I know exactly how you feel my mum has deteriorated since being in a care home, but they do seem to be taking very good care of her, but it doesn't stop me feeling guilty about mum being in the home, perhaps if I had kept her at home things may have deteriorated just the same. Well thats what I will tell myself.
     
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    This is one of those "dammed if we do, dammed if we don't" situations.

    We know in our hearts that the only reason our loved ones are in care is because they had deteriated to a point where our care was not enough.

    Being with someone 24/7 you do not register the decline in the same way........but they were declining at home, and yes, will continue to decline whilst in care.

    Sometimes it does seem that they have got worse quicker, but I feel it is all relative.

    My heart goes out to you all. I feel for you. You know that you are doing the right thing. Please try not to have guilt feelings. They are not productive.
     
  7. cynron

    cynron Registered User

    Sep 26, 2005
    429
    east sussex
    deteriation

    Pammy i can see what happened to your sister is a mirror image of what has happened to my husband since he went into a N H in October.Cant walk cant feed himself and is nursed in bed due to bed sores. Only consolation is i have finaly placed him in a home near to me and he is well looked after.

    Cynron x x
     
  8. pammy14

    pammy14 Registered User

    Dec 5, 2005
    103
    leicestershire
    Thankyou all for your kind words. Its just seeing someone who was always independant and capable reduced to this. It makes you wander why them but of course evceryone feels the same about their loved one.

    Will just keep visiting and be pleased when we get a knowing smile.
     
  9. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    326
    Chelmsford
    I think sometimes when we are looking after a loved one everyday, we do not always notice the deterioration that is happening. It is only after a break that suddenly we think "this is a lot worse". One of my daughters has not been coming her usual "once a week". So if it is 3 (or even 2) weeks she notices deterioration.
    Also I think deterioration happens in stages / jumps.
    cris
     
  10. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Pammy
    Little consolation to you I know......but when dad died 2 years ago my brother and I shared the care of mum in her own home for a year. Due to our own family committments we decided to move mum in with me and my family here in Sheffield.
    This marked the beginning of mums down fall......she deteriorated slowly at first but since a fall in December her deterioration was rapid.
    I cared for her 24/7 and know I did my best(well......I feel like that most of the time!!!).
    I often think...."could we have coped as we were?".....I might be tempted to say "yes" but I know thats not realistic.
    Give the old guilt monster a kick in the teeth!!
    You've done everything you could.....your sister is safe and well cared for ...
    Love Wendy xx
     
  11. pammy14

    pammy14 Registered User

    Dec 5, 2005
    103
    leicestershire
    went to see Win at the home yesterday. The sleeping pill the doctor had prescribed had made her completely out of it in the day and unable even to hold her head up when in the chair and consequently she fell out. No harm done but the home are not giving it her any longer and will tell the doctor how it affected her. As they say it is better that she doesn't sleep much in the night at least in the day she is not zonked out.

    She seemed slightly more alert than on sunday obviously still affected by the tamazepan(prob spelt that wrong)

    Another worrying thing she cannot now do solid food, keeps it in her mouth so they are liquidising the meals. What next I wander?
     
  12. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    pammy, have no words.........just sending a big HUG.........fell you need it.
    Stay strong, love
     
  13. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Pammy, you're obviously hurting so much to see Win in this condition. Remember, you are suffering more than she is at the moment.

    I hope things improve once she is no longer tranquilised. It so difficult to decide, it's just the lesser of the two evils.

    We're thinking about you.

    Love and hugs,
     
  14. pammy14

    pammy14 Registered User

    Dec 5, 2005
    103
    leicestershire
    Well the worst has happened now. Thursday taken to hopital after choking the doctor said she had aspirated something and that it would get infected and pneumonia could set in but he sent her back to the care home as their was nothing to be done.

    Yesterday they were trying to give her something , she has lost the swallowing reflex, she choked again lots of nasty stuff came up and off to hospital again.

    Now she is on intravenous antibiotics and glucose drip. Looking very poorly. They will keep on these drugs to see if infection clears but as she is not swallowing there is not much hope.

    Will post again .
     
  15. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Dear Pammy,
    I am so sorry - and will be thinking of you and Win. I do not know what else I can say - you have given her so much, I know that she will feel your love, even though she is so poorly.
    Take care, much love, Helen
     
  16. pammy14

    pammy14 Registered User

    Dec 5, 2005
    103
    leicestershire
    Just been visiting and Win was actually slightly improved. Obviously she was dehydrated and with having the fluids she is now hydrated and was able to, smile at us and recognise us. That glazed look had got from her eyes.

    They are now saying that when the infection is cleared they will bring in the SALt Team who deal with swallowing problems, so it seems a bit brighter.
     
  17. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    That is good news Pammy - lets hope that they can help with the swallowing.
    Love helen
     
  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Great news, Pammy. Let's hope the improvement continues.

    Love,
     

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