Hello,
I'm new to this website, and could do with some thoughts from a third party, as i'm having difficulty thinking straight when i'm so close to the problem.
My mum, who was diagnosed with vascular dementia, went into a "locked door" policy care home at Xmas 2008.
She has settled now and although it breaks my heart to see her stood alone in the corridor, wandering up and down, or sitting slumped in a chair in the "big room" with all the others, its obvious that she is now safe, secure and nourished (if not gloriously happy).
My problem........ and i realise it is definitely "my problem" and nobody elses, is that i want to go away travelling for about a year and a half, before i get to old to be able to, or maybe even want to.
Mum is 81 and i am a 55yr old single man.
Her short term memory is terrible, though she can remember things from the distant passed.
She gets very confused at times, while at others she seems almost "normal".
However, when i go to visit she lights up like a beacon and is so glad to see me.
I took her outside the home for the first time 2 weeks ago, and did the same last week.
She said last time that she is so grateful that i take her out because it gives her a break (she must have been in her "normal" state that day) although she thought the 60 year old ladies at the pensioners tennis club should be at school and not out playing.
I have a brother and sister in law that also go to see her once a week on a different day to me.
I feel so guilty at leaving her alone, especially when i see the immediate difference my visits make to her.
I tell myself that as time has so little meaning to her now, i could be away for a year and a half and she wouldn't even realise it, but part of me says this is just an excuse.
Part of me says "get on with your life, its what she would want" but the feeling of pure selfishness on my part feels like a huge burden.
She looks so small and frail now, but she could live on for another 10 years. Her mum lived until 91.
So theres the dilemma.
Ridden with guilt, unsure how to handle it, and hesitating to go away.
I think i just need some outside viewpoints.
I'm new to this website, and could do with some thoughts from a third party, as i'm having difficulty thinking straight when i'm so close to the problem.
My mum, who was diagnosed with vascular dementia, went into a "locked door" policy care home at Xmas 2008.
She has settled now and although it breaks my heart to see her stood alone in the corridor, wandering up and down, or sitting slumped in a chair in the "big room" with all the others, its obvious that she is now safe, secure and nourished (if not gloriously happy).
My problem........ and i realise it is definitely "my problem" and nobody elses, is that i want to go away travelling for about a year and a half, before i get to old to be able to, or maybe even want to.
Mum is 81 and i am a 55yr old single man.
Her short term memory is terrible, though she can remember things from the distant passed.
She gets very confused at times, while at others she seems almost "normal".
However, when i go to visit she lights up like a beacon and is so glad to see me.
I took her outside the home for the first time 2 weeks ago, and did the same last week.
She said last time that she is so grateful that i take her out because it gives her a break (she must have been in her "normal" state that day) although she thought the 60 year old ladies at the pensioners tennis club should be at school and not out playing.
I have a brother and sister in law that also go to see her once a week on a different day to me.
I feel so guilty at leaving her alone, especially when i see the immediate difference my visits make to her.
I tell myself that as time has so little meaning to her now, i could be away for a year and a half and she wouldn't even realise it, but part of me says this is just an excuse.
Part of me says "get on with your life, its what she would want" but the feeling of pure selfishness on my part feels like a huge burden.
She looks so small and frail now, but she could live on for another 10 years. Her mum lived until 91.
So theres the dilemma.
Ridden with guilt, unsure how to handle it, and hesitating to go away.
I think i just need some outside viewpoints.