Deputyship - how to talk to my Mum about it

[AlyshaS]

Hello All,
My mum is currently being diagnosed for Dementia. I don't have an LPA so I am in the process of filling out the forms for a Deputyship so I can help with her finances. I have to tell her what I am doing. She lacks mental capacity and doesn't believe anything is wrong with her. She can get quite nasty, and no doubt talking to her about what I am going to do will be very distressing for her.

Does anyone have any advice on how to tell someone that they are going to apply for a Deputyship. I do not live near her either, so I am travelling up to see her next week to tell her - I'm already feel anxious about talking to her.

TIA

 

[canary]

Hi @AlyshaS
I had deputyship for mum and I remember that the forms say you have to explain in words they can understand. This gives you lots of wriggle room and you can be quite economical with the truth.

You do not have to explain in detail and you certainly dont have to name it deputyship, or mention dementia or anything like that. Mum also didnt believe that she had anything wrong with her, but by this stage she was happy for me to help with her finances, so I told her I was filling in official forms so I could legally help her with her money. You could even just say it was a way of making it easier for her bills to be paid.

If you think its going to cause upset do it when someone else is with her too - then scarper quickly. Mean, but getting the deputyship has priority.

 

[thistlejak]

We didn't tell MIL & FIL that we were applying for Deputyship until we got to the point of filling in the 'notification' form that comes back from the COP.
FIL was told ' this is so 'son' can look after your money - his response was 'OK' The copy that was to be left with him was put into his file in the care home.
MIL was a whole different thing - she had no insight into her limitations and could also be extremely nasty and physically violent - my husband told her the same as FIL - she went nuts to say the least and then left the house for an hour or so - my husband just documented this on the form - the COP accepted this. We removed her copy from her house at the earliest opportunity as it was causing trouble every time she read it.

This is the problem with some of these 'one size fits all ' forms.

 

[AlyshaS]

Hi @AlyshaS
I had deputyship for mum and I remember that the forms say you have to explain in words they can understand. This gives you lots of wriggle room and you can be quite economical with the truth.

You do not have to explain in detail and you certainly dont have to name it deputyship, or mention dementia or anything like that. Mum also didnt believe that she had anything wrong with her, but by this stage she was happy for me to help with her finances, so I told her I was filling in official forms so I could legally help her with her money. You could even just say it was a way of making it easier for her bills to be paid.

If you think its going to cause upset do it when someone else is with her too - then scarper quickly. Mean, but getting the deputyship has priority.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. This is useful advice, as you say I can put it in a very simple way, then leave it at that. My plan was to explain this to her, then leave when she stars getting upset or nasty with me. She will have forgotten the following day - its such a cruel disease. Thank you again

 

[AlyshaS]

We didn't tell MIL & FIL that we were applying for Deputyship until we got to the point of filling in the 'notification' form that comes back from the COP.
FIL was told ' this is so 'son' can look after your money - his response was 'OK' The copy that was to be left with him was put into his file in the care home.
MIL was a whole different thing - she had no insight into her limitations and could also be extremely nasty and physically violent - my husband told her the same as FIL - she went nuts to say the least and then left the house for an hour or so - my husband just documented this on the form - the COP accepted this. We removed her copy from her house at the earliest opportunity as it was causing trouble every time she read it.

This is the problem with some of these 'one size fits all ' forms.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. This is useful advice. I will document what happens on the form - I guess COP are used to this reaction from people. Thank you again for your advice.