Depression and tearfulness?

[Kat of Cadnam]

Hello everyone. Just wondering if anyone has experience of coping with tearfulness, anxiety and seemingly depressive behaviour when
trying to calm these conditions?
My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia approximately 5 years ago. I have travelled this journey and dealt with several incidences of tearfulness along the way but lately the agitation and distress seems to be centering on a recent fear of dying.
He seems frightened that - a)I am going to leave him? b)that he feels as if he is doing something to upset me? c) consistently asking if he is going to die soon?
This exagerated behaviour started after our son's recent wedding. Obviously, it was a disruptive time for him, as we spent 3 days staying at a hotel and meeting many old acquaintances and friends - most of whom he could not recognize. This seems to have triggered this behaviour?
Don't want him to be introduced to tranquilizers but it is painful seeing him crying and so obviously frightened?
Anyone got any suggestions for helping him to a calmer frame of mind that isn't chemically induced?

 

[Lostinthisdesert]

Hello everyone. Just wondering if anyone has experience of coping with tearfulness, anxiety and seemingly depressive behaviour when
trying to calm these conditions?
My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia approximately 5 years ago. I have travelled this journey and dealt with several incidences of tearfulness along the way but lately the agitation and distress seems to be centering on a recent fear of dying.
He seems frightened that - a)I am going to leave him? b)that he feels as if he is doing something to upset me? c) consistently asking if he is going to die soon?
This exagerated behaviour started after our son's recent wedding. Obviously, it was a disruptive time for him, as we spent 3 days staying at a hotel and meeting many old acquaintances and friends - most of whom he could not recognize. This seems to have triggered this behaviour?
Don't want him to be introduced to tranquilizers but it is painful seeing him crying and so obviously frightened?
Anyone got any suggestions for helping him to a calmer frame of mind that isn't chemically induced?

Hi Kat, this must be so hard. I have not had this experience yet but found it hard when my husband thought that his siblings visited because he was going to die soon. Lots of reassurance which I'm sure you're doing. I find a hand or foot massage is calming for him. Also hugs and saying he's going to be OK. Medication if nothing else works. And a reminder for you 'This too will pass'.

 

[lollyc]

I found Mirtazipine worked well for Mum. It's an anti-depressant, but it didn't make her dopey, as she took it at night. I know many don't approve of medicating PWD, but I'm not sure how being so upset all the time can be considered a kindness.

 

[canary]

How long ago was this wedding?

We had to do a similar thing for our sons wedding. I booked a holiday cottage nearby so that he could travel on the day and come back again and stay overnight before a long journey home. He found it incredible traumatic and it was the last holiday we have taken. It took him several weeks to get over it and he wasnt so far advanced then either.

Fears of being abandoned and of dying are common with people who have dementia. Often they become afraid of being on their own and want to be able to see someone else all their waking life so that they are reassured that they are not on their own. If they cant see someone they can panic and this feeling may make them feel that they are dying.

Please do not despise medication. Many people on here have found that the right medication has allowed their loved one to remain at home for longer.

 

[Lawson58]

My husband went through this fairly early in his illness. He had suffered a cardiac arrest and took ages to recuperate so it all accumulated. We had been struggling in our marriage and it was really a pretty miserable time.

During one of our rare courteous conversations, I promised him that I would never abandon him, meaning in my mind that I was taking responsibility for his care whatever form that took. Fortunately he took that on board and along with his new medication, it seemed to reassure him.

Ten years later, his physical health is declining and he never has a good day. He is slipping cognitively as well so I know he is feeling apprehensive. He doesn’t want to talk about what lies ahead so I am having to guess at what his fears are and I am assuming that he is scared.

My husband takes a cocktail of drugs including Mirtazapine which helps but doesn’t help much with his trouble sleeping. I think you need to accept whatever medication is suitable and do it soon because sometimes these can take a while to kick in.

It is such an awful thing to watch and feeling helpless, especially after so many years.

 

[jennifer1967]

my husband and i went to our sons wedding christmas 2019. didnt have a diagnosis then but found he had vascular dementia in march 2020. before he went, he was fine, few memory problems but not much else. we stayed overnight in a pub with rooms. i had to undress and dress him, think of everything, he was worried about time etc. very anxious and quite overwhelmed. we travelled up on a coach. we got to victoria coach station and with the amount of people there, he was just overwhelmed and burst into tears there and then. we ask for help and they took into the assist room, and took him to the coach first in a wheel chair.
he has sertraline which raised the mood and memantine to stop the aggression and calm him down. sometimes tablets can be the answer and allowed him a better quality of life. for me thats more important than whether he has to take tablets or not.