I was the designee in my mother's Advanced Care Directive for 10 years. Last year my father took my mom to a Lawyer who changed the designee to my sister because my father wanted it changed. My father wanted it changed because we had a disagreement and he is very controlling. 10 years ago when my mom made the original Directive she was still very capable and clear thinking. There is a State of CA form 602A completed by her primary care MD that states her primary diagnosis is Alzheimers and dementia. My father and mother were not happy in the assisted living and Alzheimers unit they were living in and moved into my sisters house in June of 2022. My father passed away the end of May 2023. I had been visiting my mother and father all along. My sister is now refusing to let me see my mother unless I sign a waiver that has a bunch of ridiculous demands on it. She does not require anyone else to sign the same waiver. This whole issue erupted because last Monday when I took my mother out for a pedicure and manicure, she was symptomatic so I had her H&H labs drawn. My sister didn't want the labs done because she wanted Hospice to take over my mother's care. My mom's hemoglobin was critically low but before I could see the results my sister changed the password on my mom's medical record (which I have had access to for years, with my father's blessing) so I couldn't see the critical lab. My mom was sent to the ER via ambulance and I was not notified by my sister. I did find out and went to the hospital but my sister would not let me see my mom. Two days later my mom was evaluated by Hospice and is now under Hospice care. My sister is not giving any information out about her condition. Because I believe my sister is motivated by the money that will be distributed upon my mother's death I feel she is hastening her end of life. She has complained for months how difficult it is to have my mom at her house, even though she has caregivers for her for 8 hours a day. I have offered many times to take my mom but my sister insists on being in charge. My mom does have a nice room as my sister has a million dollar home, mine is only half a million, but is left day in and day out to watch TV in her room. I took several videos of my mom on Friday and my sister sent out a video she took on Sunday and it is clear that my mother is fading quickly. My mom has had 2 previous blood transfusions and perked up immediately. I believe my sister just wants to be done with her responsibility and wants that big check she is anticipating when the estate is divided. She has complained several times about the Executor of the Estate being unwilling to make a distribution. I think the money is great but not at the expense of my mother passing earlier than she needs to. I can offer her 24 - 7 companionship as I am currently not working. My sister is supposed to work 8 hour days and she works from home. As soon as my dad passed my sister was looking at nursing homes and board and care facilities for my mom, again I offered to take care of my mom. We are both nurses, although I am technically the better nurse so her healthcare would be better with me, I have examples if anyone needs them. I received a waiver today that my sister is insisting I sign that has ridiculous demands, and she is not requiring anyone else to sign a waiver. It is just her way to harass me. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TYPE OF LAWYER WOULD HANDLE THIS CASE AND CAN SOMEONE RECOMMEND ONE IN THE SACRAMENTO AREA? I am desperate and may not be able to save my mother but would like to see her before she dies.
Denied access to my mother by sibling
- Thread starter MomPattie
- Start date
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The vast majority are UK based anway .
If your mother in now an in patient at the hospice, what stops you visiting? other than your sister says you cant?
What are the waiver clauses?
The vast majority are UK based anway .
If your mother in now an in patient at the hospice, what stops you visiting? other than your sister says you cant?
What are the waiver clauses?
Welcome to Talking Point @MomPattie
Family disagreements are sadly all too common and there will be many here who will understand and sympathise with you.
Unfortunately, no one here would be able to advise on a move forward or recommend a legal advocate because you are not in the UK and this forum does not accept recommendations because of unsatisfactory feedback or advertising.
In addition, there are two sides to every story and no one here can make an informed observation.
It is obvious you are very distressed and angry.
It might help you to seek legal advice to ascertain whether or not this waiver is legal.
Family disagreements are sadly all too common and there will be many here who will understand and sympathise with you.
Unfortunately, no one here would be able to advise on a move forward or recommend a legal advocate because you are not in the UK and this forum does not accept recommendations because of unsatisfactory feedback or advertising.
In addition, there are two sides to every story and no one here can make an informed observation.
It is obvious you are very distressed and angry.
It might help you to seek legal advice to ascertain whether or not this waiver is legal.
Here in the UK we have the Citizens Advice Bureau? You might be able to your equivalent at your doctor's surgery or a US based dementia charity
MaNaAk
Hello @MomPattie
Im afraid I didnt understand most of the legal terms as Im in UK, but I recognise the feeling of helplessness. Unfortunately breakdown in relationships when a relative has dementia is common the world over.
I just wanted to mention about the hospice, though. In UK we do not use hospices for people with dementia, but I believe that in US a hospice is used if it is considered that the person has less than 6 months to live and is in decline. I cannot see how this is about money. The fact that a hospice has accepted your mom speaks volumes to me and it sounds like she is now at End of Life.
Do you know where she is? Can you be stopped if you just turn up to visit?
Im afraid I didnt understand most of the legal terms as Im in UK, but I recognise the feeling of helplessness. Unfortunately breakdown in relationships when a relative has dementia is common the world over.
I just wanted to mention about the hospice, though. In UK we do not use hospices for people with dementia, but I believe that in US a hospice is used if it is considered that the person has less than 6 months to live and is in decline. I cannot see how this is about money. The fact that a hospice has accepted your mom speaks volumes to me and it sounds like she is now at End of Life.
Do you know where she is? Can you be stopped if you just turn up to visit?
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