Den01

[Den01]

My wife of almost 60 years has been diagnosed wit Altzheimers.
My problem is as follows.
She does not recognise me, ie treats me as a stranger dressed in her husbands clothes.
Sees people in the house who are not there.
My problem is to try and understand her.
We usually end up with row.
How do other people cope with this problem?
Den01

 

[jeany123]

Hello Den and welcome to Talking Point, it must be very difficult for you, the problems you describe seem very common, you might like to read the link i will put in below about compassionate communication, it might give you some tips for dealing with this I hope it helps,
Best wishes Jeany x

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Den

How do other people cope with this problem?
Den01

Most of us cope by trial and error and the frustrating thing is what might work once, doesn`t necessarily work twice.

The link Jeany has given you has been a great help to many of us and even though it`s a tall order to follow to the letter, it `s a good guide.

I hope your wife isn`t frightened of the people she sees in the house. My husband used to talk about them but was never frightened. That would have been much more difficult to manage.

Welcome to Talking Point. I do hope it will help you knowing there are many of us who understand the difficulties in caring for a partner with dementia. Keep posting.

 

[jaymor]

Hello Den and welcome.

My husband does not recognise me as his wife. He knows I am familiar so is happy to be with me and must feel safe so I can live with that. Sometimes I come back and that is a real bonus but it never lasts.

He also sees people and things that are not there. At first I tried saying there is nothing there and then learned that if he sees them then they are there so go along with it. Now all the time I am with him in his nursing home I am in his world, seeing what he sees, having weird conversations and hoping I am making sense to him. I have seen the children in his bathroom lining up to wash their hands, waved to the people passing his window on the first floor and helped stamp on all the ants running around his bedroom. He is not frightened by what he sees so we have no problem.

When I go home I come back into our world and leave him in his. It is easy for me to enter his world but impossible for him to come into mine so no point in distressing him by contradicting his ideas or visions.

If your wife's visions are worrying or disturbing her then there is medication to help. If not try going along with her, you will be less stressed and she will feel less confused.

Take care,

Jay

 

[gringo]

Hello Den01 and welcome to TP.
Having just celebrated(!) our 60th. I know how difficult you will be finding it to handle your situation. Jay’s post is as good an example of how to go about it as you are likely to get.
I would just add, no rows. She isn’t doing it to annoy you. Just agree and go along, it usually works.