Dementian and Deja Vu

[jennieash]

Hello, I'm new talking Point and have found reading some of the threads very interesting and helpful. Now I wonder can anyone help me with this problem. My husband has vascular dementia and is not too bad - mainly memory problems and confusion but the worst aspect is that he suffers almost constantly from deja vu. Every programme on the TV is a repeat - he's seen it before - even breaking news! Every trime we go into a place we haven't visited before he starts "Oh I remember this" Then he often goes on to tell me that the same people were sitting in exactly the same seats as they were last time.

Driving can be an absolute nightmare - he isn't allowed to drive now and when we go anywhere new he starts with "I remember this road - we drove down it the last time we went to ..." (a place we've never visited). If we go to a place we know and there is a traffic diversion I just shudder because he will insist on giving me directions and gets very cross if I follow the diversion signs and won't go the way he says, insisting that "We went down there the last time we came on this road." On two occasions I have arrived at our destination an absolute wreck.

I have investigated thid phenonemon and find it is not terribly common, but is definitely not unknown.

I am slowly learning how to deal with the more disruptive elements but it is a big learning curve. Does anyone else know of this problem and what do you do about it?

 

[Grandma P]

Hello, I'm new talking Point and have found reading some of the threads very interesting and helpful. Now I wonder can anyone help me with this problem. My husband has vascular dementia and is not too bad - mainly memory problems and confusion but the worst aspect is that he suffers almost constantly from deja vu. Every programme on the TV is a repeat - he's seen it before - even breaking news! Every trime we go into a place we haven't visited before he starts "Oh I remember this" Then he often goes on to tell me that the same people were sitting in exactly the same seats as they were last time.

Driving can be an absolute nightmare - he isn't allowed to drive now and when we go anywhere new he starts with "I remember this road - we drove down it the last time we went to ..." (a place we've never visited). If we go to a place we know and there is a traffic diversion I just shudder because he will insist on giving me directions and gets very cross if I follow the diversion signs and won't go the way he says, insisting that "We went down there the last time we came on this road." On two occasions I have arrived at our destination an absolute wreck.

I have investigated thid phenonemon and find it is not terribly common, but is definitely not unknown.

I am slowly learning how to deal with the more disruptive elements but it is a big learning curve. Does anyone else know of this problem and what do you do about it?

Hello Jennieash - Welcome to the forum. I've not been here for very long either. I don't know about your man's annoying behaviour - my man has his own. But I do know that any repetitive annoying behaviour can some days send a person to despair. I've been sounding off about my man this evening too and wondering if I will ever cope. I have realised in the past that being "good enough" is all that most of us can hope for - we can't aim for better than that. But today I wasn't even good enough!
I guess you just have to keep saying things like "That's right, dear".
LOve Grandma P.

 

[velo70]

Deja Vous

Hi. I think that the fact you worry that you are good enough tells you that you are. You are doing your damned best to cope with an insidious problem.
My wife , now about 2 years since diagnosis. But before that, on trips she would say, I know that lady, or a shop assistant who was kind. Often many miles from our home, in a town or village we had never visited. At the time, we were taking our caravan to lots of places we had never been. It became easier to let it go, to avoid upsetting her, which took me some time. Many advisers on here have helped me to have a better understanding from their own experiences. I don't think the situation ever gets better than it is today. If it is not a problem, I can now let it go, and just pick up where I can. Nothing prepared us to be a carer for someone we love stricken by the A/D. Good luck. My problem was achieving a patience and understanding that would have been unbelievable 20 years ago.

 

[veronicamary]

So grateful

Thanks for all the encouraging replies, I was starting to think it was me having memory problems! Is this another stage downwards I wonder?

I regularly lose my temper and berate myself later having promised not to, but it is so hard. Most of the time we have no communication at all and I find myself talking non stop into thin air to fill the silence.
Another time he will surprise me by giving me a kiss!

Thank goodness we have no car otherwise it would be even more frustrating. As it is he won't go anywhere unless driven and won't walk when we get there.
A break away for five days with eldest son and wife is filling me with dread as they have no idea what it is like to have your saucer removed as soon as the cup is lifted though they have experienced the joy of detaching Dad from another family group when he insists they are his old friends!!

 

[nitram]

"...A break away for five days with eldest son and wife is filling me with dread as they have no idea what it is like..."

Don't worry about it, it's a chance for them to see what 24/7 life with a sufferer is really like.

The 'she was all right when .....' comments used to make me stifle a curt response.

 

[jawuk]

Hello, I'm new talking Point and have found reading some of the threads very interesting and helpful. Now I wonder can anyone help me with this problem. My husband has vascular dementia and is not too bad - mainly memory problems and confusion but the worst aspect is that he suffers almost constantly from deja vu. Every programme on the TV is a repeat - he's seen it before - even breaking news! Every trime we go into a place we haven't visited before he starts "Oh I remember this" Then he often goes on to tell me that the same people were sitting in exactly the same seats as they were last time.

Driving can be an absolute nightmare - he isn't allowed to drive now and when we go anywhere new he starts with "I remember this road - we drove down it the last time we went to ..." (a place we've never visited). If we go to a place we know and there is a traffic diversion I just shudder because he will insist on giving me directions and gets very cross if I follow the diversion signs and won't go the way he says, insisting that "We went down there the last time we came on this road." On two occasions I have arrived at our destination an absolute wreck.

I have investigated thid phenonemon and find it is not terribly common, but is definitely not unknown.

I am slowly learning how to deal with the more disruptive elements but it is a big learning curve. Does anyone else know of this problem and what do you do about it?

Hi Jennie, my husband shares the same confusion about TV programmes and faces as yours, but roads, places and routes are a mystery to him. He used to drive all the time both in the UK and abroad making his way home hundreds of miles in the early hours. Now when we walk 200 yards down our lane he will be worried about where he might be and even short drives to the same supermarket we've been to weekly for over a decade can make him anxious that we're hopelessly lost.

 

[Sringtime]

Hello, I'm new talking Point and have found reading some of the threads very interesting and helpful. Now I wonder can anyone help me with this problem. My husband has vascular dementia and is not too bad - mainly memory problems and confusion but the worst aspect is that he suffers almost constantly from deja vu. Every programme on the TV is a repeat - he's seen it before - even breaking news! Every trime we go into a place we haven't visited before he starts "Oh I remember this" Then he often goes on to tell me that the same people were sitting in exactly the same seats as they were last time.

Driving can be an absolute nightmare - he isn't allowed to drive now and when we go anywhere new he starts with "I remember this road - we drove down it the last time we went to ..." (a place we've never visited). If we go to a place we know and there is a traffic diversion I just shudder because he will insist on giving me directions and gets very cross if I follow the diversion signs and won't go the way he says, insisting that "We went down there the last time we came on this road." On two occasions I have arrived at our destination an absolute wreck.

I have investigated thid phenonemon and find it is not terribly common, but is definitely not unknown.

I am slowly learning how to deal with the more disruptive elements but it is a big learning curve. Does anyone else know of this problem and what do you do about it?

Hi, My husband has early stage Vascular Dementia, and also does not drive any more. I first noticed in December, he seemed to be getting familiar roads muddled up, and telling me I had taken a wrong turn. A friend of ours was in hospital the other week, and we went to see her. Whilst we were on a very busy roundabout with lights and 3 lanes, midway round he yelled that I was in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. For a few seconds I questioned myself and then realised I was going in the right direction, he insisted all the way there that we had gone wrong, when we finally arrived I was a nervous wreck. Anyway the advice I was given....If it happens again tell him there are 2 ways and you are going the route you know. Take Care x

 

[jaymor]

Hello Jennieash and welcome.

My husband was exactly the same. We stopped watching tv because he had seen it all before. Everywhere we went he remembered being there. He wanted to be out all the time so we soon were covering new ground on a daily basis. I know he would not remember where we had been last week but as I was now doing all the driving we were going to places we had not been before. After all it was important that I did not loose the plot.

When he saw a garage he would comment on how long they had had a car on the forecourt and not sold it. We had never been to that town before let alone gone passed that garage.

The only way I dealt with it was to say something like maybe the colour was not to everyone's liking. If it was a road we had been down, then we had been down it, no point arguing. We had some weird and wonderful conversations as we rode along and sometimes I was thinking maybe we had been there, perhaps in another life.

So strange that they think they have seen something before or been somewhere before when in reality it had never been.

Jay