Dementia or not ?

[Flossmac]

Hello, looking for a bit of advice and what to do next. Bit of background info first.
My dad is 93 and my mum 91, they live independently but rely heavily on me to help. My dad had a number of falls recently and was admitted to hospital for 2 weeks, he’s home now but needs extra help which I and my mum provide, my mum was quite anxious when he came home that he might fall again.

I’ve been increasingly worried about my mum as she‘s very forgetful. Her short term memory is very poor : She would get food out of the freezer for her tea, forget she’s taken it out so cook something else, we’d discuss what she should have for tea but when I speak to her later she’s completely forgotten although she manages to cook hers and my dads meals ok, she asks the same questions constantly in a short conversation. when I take her shopping she forgets what she’s just put in the trolley. She copes perfectly well with everything else in her daily life. Washing, programming the sky, meeting friend for coffee, housework.

I’ve taken her to the doctor and we’ve had blood and water tests that all came back clear. They did some memory tests but she passed all of them and they said there was nothing that was raising any concerns. Could this be normally ‘old age forgetfulness’ or should I be looking for more help to see what the problem is ?

thanks in advance

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Flossmac Welcome to the forum.

It sounds as if your mum`s anxiety about your dad and the responsibility of managing him if he falls could contribute to the mistakes she is making, as if she is constantly preoccupied.

They are not really living independently because they are dependent on your help. They may be living in their own home but that is different.

If your mum has passed all her tests all you can do is monitor and observe. Perhaps you could keep a diary of your concerns and the frequency and/or severity might show her doctor if there really is something wrong.

Please continue to post. There are people here with lots of experience of different behaviours and something in their replies may help.

 

[MartinWL]

It certainly looks as if she doesn't cope well with daily life. Unfortunately old age doesn't come alone. They are going to need more support so do start planning for things to get more difficult. Perhaps you might want to get further medical advice.

 

[Lawson58]

I would agree with Martin about getting a bit more advice. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s over seven years ago but he can still pass the memory tests that are usually given at GP clinics. It was the extensive testing at the memory clinic that was the deciding factor about his AlzhEmerson.

I think that their age, your mum and dad deserve all the support that you can arrange for them. And I don’t mean for a moment that it should be you doing everything as you are. I guess you won’t get much outside help without getting some sort of diagnosis.

 

[Davina40]

My dad has Alzheimer’s when he first did the memory test he only one question wrong. So at the time was told that there is nothing to worry about. He was very hard to diagnose as having dementia and we have just found out he has Alzheimer’s. I agree with others please keep a diary and get a further opinion if things don’t change or get worse.

 

[Flossmac]

Thank you so much for the replies and advice, I’ll definitely keep a diary and will look at getting more medical advice.
my parents have become increasingly reliant on extra help - I’m one of 5 siblings but the only one local so the bulk falls to me, although my brothers and sisters are very supportive and help as much as they can.
initially I felt a sense of relief that she’d passed all the tests but it still obvious that she has memory problems. I already have a LPA for both parents and have applied for attendance allowance for my dad in case we need extra help, I’ve been tentatively mentioning that we may need extra help but obviously don’t want to do anything without my parents consent
thanks again
Fiona

 

[Sarasa]

My mother passed the memory test when I piggybacked a GPs appointment she already had and flagged up my concerns. The mini-memory test is very straightforward and mum could do most of it easily, because her problem at the time wasn't her memory but her lack of logic.
It could well be the stress of looking after your dad that is causing at least some of your mum's problems, specially if she is lacking in sleep looking after your dad. She may not be telling you everything that is happening. Both your parents are very elderly and even if they haven't got dementia there will be things they need help with. Mum was managing quite well at home in the early stages of dementia, but finding things like changing the bed beyond her even though she knew it needed doing.
I'm sure your parents don't want extra help coming in that isn't you, but I think your should start to arrange this. Age Concern have a service to help with housework, companionship etc in some areas. Maybe worth checking out, and seeing if you can persuade them.
If you do everything, you'll end up being their full time carer. Fine if that is what you want to do and can do, but it will take over your life, so worth trying to stay as the supportive daughter instead.

 

[Davina40]

We have sold the idea to dad about having a carer. Is that it someone to keep him company and help him with things when me and sisters are at work.