Dementia- And wanting to go home

[Norrms]

Dementia
And
wanting to go
Home

We have all heard people with Dementia say it. I say it most night`s according to my “Angel” Elaine. Sometimes I even whisper it during the day without even knowing. I have thought about this for a while now, and in my very humble opinion, here`s what I think it means.

When I say”I want to go home” even though I am sat in the front room of my own house, do I mean my “Spiritual” home?? The answer to that sadly is no, as I am not particularly a religious person, and any belief I once had has dwindled away as my life collapses in front of my very eyes and I know, as yet, there is no cure for this awful disease.

So, do I mean my home town of Bolton, Lancashire? I shouldn’t think so, as I have lived in Devon for the last 15 years and even though I am very proud of where I was born, as we all should be, wild horses couldn’t get me back there, as I am totally in love with the Devon Countryside and the way of life here. So, where does that leave me?

I think what I mean when I say “I Want to Go Home” is an admission that I know I am really ill, and in fact slowly dying, as there is no cure. I think somewhere, deep in my subconscious, I am yearning for that place where someone will tell me it’s all been a bad dream, or I have imagined it and all will be ok, a place of safety, yet not an actual place, just a reassurance that all is going to be ok? I know that when Elaine says she reassures me that alls ok and I am safe, I calm down, and I either sit still, go back to sleep or talk about something different.

So maybe it’s not a physical place after all? Or a place I used to live as a boy or a young man, maybe it’s just a little reassurance I am looking for instead of being told “You Live Here” or “Where Do you think you Live? Food for thought for everyone I hope.

Maybe one day I will “Go Home”, maybe one day they will find a cure and I have no need to seek that comforting reassurance any more, maybe, just maybe.
All my love Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Diagnosed six years ago aged 50 and still fighting it!!!!
PLEASE SHARE

 

[Noorza]

Keep fighting Norms, and please keep sharing your insight is so valuable to me as a carer.

 

[LYN T]

Oh Norms

Yet again you have given us a wonderful insight.

I used to think that when Pete said he was going home he meant Birmingham where he was born and raised.But he can't remember where he was born.

More food for thought from you Norms

Take care

Lyn T

 

[cragmaid]

I think you hit the nail on the head there Norrms...home is a state of mind, not a place.
Home is feeling safe not lost or scared. Home is being with someone who loves you regardless of your not recognising them or not remembering their name.

Keep on sharing my friend...
Maureen.x.

 

[Grannie G]

I agree. I`m sure it`s a place of safety. It`s good to hear it from one who experiences it.

 

[Norrms]

Going home

Thank you my friends xxx

 

[juniepoonie]

im amazed at how well you share your experience with us. an still seem to be suffering with the bl....dy illness . you are so young to, im 58 an my bil who has ALZ an VD is 67 but showed signs of illness at about 60. he was a very articulate bright man an he wouldn't have been able to share his feelings as you do from that early stage. it really is such a help to people like me to have an insight into what you are going through. thank you norms for sharing an may you continue to do so for a long time. take care norms. juniepoonie x

 

[Padraig]

In my humble opinion and from personal experience I do know where my wife wanted to go when she said time and again, 'I want to go home.'

Many the time I was in a panic when she escaped from our home in the remote countryside. One day I heard a car screech to a halt on our driveway. A chap shouted to me that he saw my wife walking down the highway. I took of in the car and pulled up along her: "Where are to off to sweetheart?" I questioned.
"Home". came the reply.
"Where's that?"
Imagine my complete surprise when she reeled off the complete address of her childhood home in Co. Durham. The number of the house etc.
We had then been married fifty years and travelled the world and finally settled in this part of the country almost thirty years earlier. The whole area she had lived as a child had been totally demolished many decades earlier. It was my good fortune to have spent happy times at her home when I first met the sweet 18. I still retain very fond memories of a loving home that once was.
As a lone carer all the way, one acquires an invaluable insight to the workings of the mind.

 

[Raggedrobin]

Thanks you again Norms for casting some light on this. My mum has just started saying it, and i can see that she might need reassurance. it helps to know what is closer to what she wants rather than a geography lesson.

 

[Norrms]

Going Home

thank you xxxx

 

[MeganCat]

Thanks for your helpful insight Norms - it makes sense to me and of my mums behaviour. In that she's never settled and she wasn't happy at home either in latter days - it's not a different place that she's looking for but a different feeling of peace and losing her feelings of anxiety . She has no consistent address that she wants to go to she just knows she doesn't want to be 'here' - which is any place that she is at

 

[Norrms]

Wanting to go home

Thank you my friend xxxxx

 

[Padraig]

I'm taking a risk with these question. This section is about the middle to late stage. How do you think you will communicate when you lose the ability to write and speak? My wife was in that state for about seven years. Fortunately I learned of her fears before she reached what is referred to as the end stage.

I'm hoping you or anyone else do not take offence at there questions.
Good look to you, and may the road rise with you and the wind be always on your back.

 

[PaddyJim]

Thank You

Norms

Thank you for your post and the insight you bring. My mum constantly says she wants to go home, and still refuses to believe there is anything wrong with her but maybe deep down she knows how ill she is and this her way of coping.

You were very young when diagnosed, and I cant imagine how hard it must be for you and your family. Good luck and thank you.

 

[Norrms]

Hiya

Thank you all so much, and Padraig, i have absolutely no idea my friend xx

 

[Sue J]

How do you think you will communicate when you lose the ability to write and speak?

i have absolutely no idea my friend

Norms have read your posts today but struggle to formulate what I would like to say, but well done and thank you. Longer periods at the moment of not being able to - but I can still read posts but struggle with following threads at times.

I think an emoticon board would help me but not always as sometimes can't relate to what pictures mean but other times do

Best to you
Sue

 

[Norrms]

hi

Thank you sue xxxx