When I went to visit my husband
@Dutchman, I always took him a food treat, something he was unlikely to get in the care home. Maybe it was a blush pear, one of his favourites, or some grapes , some special cultural food or even a sandwich of home made pate which I left for his tea.
It was always a magic moment when I produced this food and brought a smile to his face.
I used to ask questions which only needed yes or no answers; Are you comfortable? Are you hungry? Would you like a drink? When language goes, it`s up to us to find alternative means of communication.
Once the niceties had finished I would sit by his side, holding his hand, maybe reading or watching television with him in companionable silence, as we would have been at home.
He was always in the communal sitting room and was never completely alone. When activities were on offer I joined in. I was always friendly towards the staff and other residents but my husband was my first priority.
When it was time to go, I told him I was going to the shops and asked if he needed anything. Or I would tell him I had to bring the washing in before it rained. All usual activities he had been used to all our married lives.
This helped my visits to be positive experiences for both of us.
It takes a while to find strategies to help us cope but once they are off to a fine art, visits can become pleasurable and ressuring.