Hello @update2020. I suppose the only consolation is, as you say, that he is now at peace. My heart and my thoughts are with you. Please keep posting.
Peter
Peter
@update2020 . My sincere condolences to you. Your husband was very young . 16 years is an awfully long time for you both to suffer.Just signing in to sign out. What a lovely picture of Bridget @Dutchman. Very unexpectedly my husband died and is now at peace after 16 years of growing torment. He was exactly 65.5 years (to the very day). Love to you all continuing with this life. I have no idea what comes next. xxx
Thank you @Grannie G for those wise words. As ever you are a great comfort and support.Hello @Dutchman
If I thought I would spoil it for everyone else I wouldn`t go. I would give my apologies and say I`m not in the right place and wouldn`t want to spoil everyone`s enjoyment.
If I did go I would not want to be the elephant in any room. I would accept concerned enquiries from others with gratitude , tell them it is as it is and I am trying my best to live with it.
I think you're right and don't see how you could avoid it being as you describe. Why not tell your daughter exactly what you've said here? Perhaps say that you'd love to see her and her family some time over Christmas but that you're just not up to doing big get togethers. In other words, don't just say no, but offer an alternative instead. I don't imagine you or the distant relatives will be too bothered if you don't see each other...Any advice from my fellow posters about a Christmas get together of family?
We’re having a pre Christmas meet up (18th) with family I haven’t heard from for maybe 2 years. They’ll arrive at my daughter’s home bit by bit, family after family, see me, probable feel awkward, ask me how Bridget is, how I am, ( oh dear isn’t it sad) but really they’ll want to mix and be joyful and talk about anything else apart from my situation. Can’t blame them as we’re supposed to enjoy ourselves aren’t we?
I’ll do my best to be upbeat but I know I’ll be a bit of a blight on the day ( elephant in the room) They may even avoid me!! Christmas was everything to Bridget and for me the specialness has disappeared.
I’m sure this situation is repeated for many people like us .
Thank you @Grannie G for those wise words. As ever you are a great comfort and support.Hello @Dutchman
If I thought I would spoil it for everyone else I wouldn`t go. I would give my apologies and say I`m not in the right place and wouldn`t want to spoil everyone`s enjoyment.
If I did go I would not want to be the elephant in any room. I would accept concerned enquiries from others with gratitude , tell them it is as it is and I am trying my best to live with it.
Hello @Violet Jane @Jaded'n'faded @Grannie GThe alternative is to visit for an hour when most people are there, have a brief word with people and then leave. Or, not attend the big gathering but see your daughter and her family over Christmas - and I do think that you should see your daughter in the Christmas period as she is losing her mother and needs to spend time with her father.
I do worry that you’re going to distance yourself from Christmas celebrations for ever, Peter, as you say that without Bridget Christmas doesn’t mean anything.
So this year- the first Christmas alone- I will proudly prop the ancient card up on the mantlepiece!
I can't say that I have ever (yet) reached the point where I felt I didn't want to go back into the house. I do agree with the feeling of things feeling pointless on my own and the resulting lack of motivation. I can usually put these feelings aside for short periods but they do always return at some point. I wouldn't say that feeling the sort of sadness that we do is abnormal in the circumstances.I wonder if anyone else experiences this? I’m currently sitting in the car at home after going to the shops and I’m just stuck here in the car with no motivation to get out and go indoors. What’s the point? It’s just another day on my own with the silence of an empty house.
Just the simple act of walking is difficult. I sometimes sit down and then lie out on the settee and enjoy the coziness of being comfortable, just an hour of being away from the continual tiredness of being sad for wanting my Bridget back into my life. It’s the lack of motivation and someone else geeing you up to do something.
Tell me I’m not abnormal please!
Peter
Thanks @Andy54. Finally got indoors and some friends rang and I ended up having a drink with them. Thanks for the supportI can't say that I have ever (yet) reached the point where I felt I didn't want to go back into the house. I do agree with the feeling of things feeling pointless on my own and the resulting lack of motivation. I can usually put these feelings aside for short periods but they do always return at some point. I wouldn't say that feeling the sort of sadness that we do is abnormal in the circumstances.
Andy.