I haven’t written in a while. I ok just.
I’m lurching between being ok to feeling terrifically sad and fed up with all the emotions that my and Bridget's dementia journey has produced.
I went to see my wife this afternoon but there’s not much pleasure for me and Bridget sees me as an opportunity to go outside and ‘’home’. We sit down in her room and I try to hug her but she’s always on edge wanting to go somewhere else. i gently rubbed her hands with hand cream which I hope she enjoyed. She wandered off and I left.
I got home and, I don’t know why, but I felt extra lonely and the strength of loss has hit me hard. I saw various members of the family this weekend who asked about Bridget but I could sense that it was awkward and talk soon came back to what they have been doing. Sort of felt that I should be getting over it and now she’s in a home everything reverts back to normal. Oh my, it couldn’t be further from the truth. I miss her like crazy and I don’t know how to fill the void.
i still feel strongly that she’s there locked away and I’m here able to do what I like, when I like. I’ve tried to take her outside but she makes a bee line for the entrance gate and it’s a struggle to get her back indoors.
And why wouldn’t she do this? She wants her freedom as l would probably. . I’ve asked the carers if they felt she was settled when I’m not there and they mostly say she’s okay. I’ll go again tomorrow to share a dinner with her but I suspect she’ll want me to take her outside. I can’t chance it again as it’s too upsetting for me. Am I a coward and selfish because that’s how I feel.
Bless you all, peter
I’m lurching between being ok to feeling terrifically sad and fed up with all the emotions that my and Bridget's dementia journey has produced.
I went to see my wife this afternoon but there’s not much pleasure for me and Bridget sees me as an opportunity to go outside and ‘’home’. We sit down in her room and I try to hug her but she’s always on edge wanting to go somewhere else. i gently rubbed her hands with hand cream which I hope she enjoyed. She wandered off and I left.
I got home and, I don’t know why, but I felt extra lonely and the strength of loss has hit me hard. I saw various members of the family this weekend who asked about Bridget but I could sense that it was awkward and talk soon came back to what they have been doing. Sort of felt that I should be getting over it and now she’s in a home everything reverts back to normal. Oh my, it couldn’t be further from the truth. I miss her like crazy and I don’t know how to fill the void.
i still feel strongly that she’s there locked away and I’m here able to do what I like, when I like. I’ve tried to take her outside but she makes a bee line for the entrance gate and it’s a struggle to get her back indoors.
And why wouldn’t she do this? She wants her freedom as l would probably. . I’ve asked the carers if they felt she was settled when I’m not there and they mostly say she’s okay. I’ll go again tomorrow to share a dinner with her but I suspect she’ll want me to take her outside. I can’t chance it again as it’s too upsetting for me. Am I a coward and selfish because that’s how I feel.
Bless you all, peter
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