Delusions and violent behaviour

[margherita]

Hi everyone,
My husband 's delusions are becoming more and more frequent.
Some of them are harmless , so I nod, do not comment on them and , whenever it is possibile, I try to distract him.
I have recently noticed that some of his delusions make him anxious and angry.
I wonder if they are likely to trigger aggressive or violent behaviour.

 

[Grannie G]

I wonder if they are likely to trigger aggressive or violent behaviour.

It`s impossible to predict @margherita but I would seek medical advice regarding any change in behaviours.

 

[margherita]

It`s impossible to predict @margherita but I would seek medical advice regarding any change in behaviours.

Thanks, @Grannie G ,
The neurologist of the nhs centre has all her appointments scheduled months in advance and she is present in the centre on Mondays only. There are not other centres available, since ours is a little town. It is not possible to contact her either by email or on the phone. Last January I asked her if she could visit my husband privately, but she answered she couldn't.
I should have OH seen by another neurologist who lives locally and is said to be very competent. I might tell OH he has an appointment for his " memory problems"in a different place from the one he is used to owing to the epidemic, without telling him it is a private visit.
Up to some months ago he would have refused to pay for a visit, but over the last months his situation has been worsening to the point he could buy any lie I tell him.
I could also contact the new neurologist before he sees OH, just to outline the situation, which was impossible at the nhs centre where I have always been asked about OH's situation while he was there, sitting by me. How embarrassing for me and cruel for him...And , as a result, the doctor could never have exhaustive information.
Maybe it is the time we changed neurologists.

 

[Grannie G]

I could also contact the new neurologist before he sees OH, just to outline the situation,

I was always able to do this and it really helped.

 

[mpm]

My husband's delusions have also greatly increased and I now try to avoid any prolonged contact.He watches TV downstairs and I watch Netflix upstairs. If when I am in the room for anytime longer than an hour he will insist I watch chairs as they have people in them.The latest batch are people from a home I run and I often have to ask them to leave. The people before were from a social club he was convinced was attached to the house.If I cast any doubt on there being anyone there, as I sometimes have to as he says they are trying to steal from him or threaten him, he becomes very agitated and has thrown things because I say there is nobody there.I take the dog for a short walk if the house is too "crowded". I live in a large city and getting an appointment with a doctor is also difficult.He hates me being in the room because when she asks for my opinion he starts snipping at me and the last consultation I left early in tears so don't know if anything got done as I got no feedback. Sorry for the rant but at 1am he came to tell me his bed was crawling and he couldn't sleep.This happened two weeks ago and since he has now got a new quilt and fresh bedding.He has only been sleeping in bed again for the last month after spending his nights in the living room.I am reaching the end of my tether but now is not the time to be looking for a care home or even respite.I'll now unwind with some pointless Netflix,get some sleep and soldier on to the next day.My friend likened me to Matron from a Carry On film.

 

[Grannie G]

My friend likened me to Matron from a Carry On film.

There`s nothing funny about your situation @mpm

When my husband was in an equally distressing state I always wrote to the doctor in advance of an appointment telling him how it really was. When we were in a consultation my husband always said he was fine.

Perhaps this would help your husband`s doctors know how difficult it is for both of you.

 

[jenniferjean]

My husband's delusions have also greatly increased and I now try to avoid any prolonged contact.

I agree with Grannie G, put it all down in writing and send it to your doctor. I think it's distressing that you didn't get any feedback from the last consultation. I know things are not good at the moment for doctors but you need to keep your doctor in the picture, point out that you are really struggling.

 

[MrsMop]

This sounds similar to what is happening here. OH now sleeps for up to 22 hours a day, but wakes at about 1 am demanding a ham sandwich, and very cross with the hotel if I say that there isn't any room service! More demands follow, then threats that I am incompetent and I should bring him a gun so he can shoot me. No gun in the house, so he says he will find matches and set fire to this terrible establishment. This goes on for about 3-4 hours after which he quietens down and falls asleep. This is relatively new behaviour: I guess his meds need reviewing and I'll try to sort this next week. I have to sleep in the same room as he falls, is very disorientated etc. I am a bit alarmed at the behaviour but just try to apologise for the dreadful service and not get upset...I am not really prepared to start making drinks and sandwiches at this hour, but I guess I need to have something ready for him - not that he would eat or drink it - he would probably throw it at me. He eats very little and always refuses food until I put it in front of him...then it disappears quickly. Any hints or tips please?

 

[Jayne M]

My husband's delusions have also greatly increased and I now try to avoid any prolonged contact.He watches TV downstairs and I watch Netflix upstairs. If when I am in the room for anytime longer than an hour he will insist I watch chairs as they have people in them.The latest batch are people from a home I run and I often have to ask them to leave. The people before were from a social club he was convinced was attached to the house.If I cast any doubt on there being anyone there, as I sometimes have to as he says they are trying to steal from him or threaten him, he becomes very agitated and has thrown things because I say there is nobody there.I take the dog for a short walk if the house is too "crowded". I live in a large city and getting an appointment with a doctor is also difficult.He hates me being in the room because when she asks for my opinion he starts snipping at me and the last consultation I left early in tears so don't know if anything got done as I got no feedback. Sorry for the rant but at 1am he came to tell me his bed was crawling and he couldn't sleep.This happened two weeks ago and since he has now got a new quilt and fresh bedding.He has only been sleeping in bed again for the last month after spending his nights in the living room.I am reaching the end of my tether but now is not the time to be looking for a care home or even respite.I'll now unwind with some pointless Netflix,get some sleep and soldier on to the next day.My friend likened me to Matron from a Carry On film.

Oh I do feel for you, looking at the time of your post too. I am caring for my dad and the evenings and nights are awful. Look after yourself. I felt quite ill the other night - the mother of all headaches, shaky, rapid heart beat, butterflies in the tummy and the runs. Just horrible. We are in our house but dad thinks he's the home owner, especially at night. We have to go up to bed at 9PM, otherwise he won't go and he's often downstairs again fully dressed and rearranging cupboards. Take care.

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @MrsMop I think your idea of having a sandwich and perhaps a flask ready is the right way to go, as is agreeing with your OH regarding the terrible service ?. If he's sleeping so much he's probably hungry when he wakes. Would a sandwich or a biscuit and a milky drink settle him for the night?

Do you think your OH would carry out any of his threats or is it just frustrated grumbling? If you feel threatened don't hesitate to call 999 and make sure you have your phone with you at all times and a safe room with a lock to retreat to if necessary.

I hope you manage to get a meds review soon. You must be exhausted!

 

[JDD]

I‘m staying with my mum as she appeared to be getting unwell and is having delusions- continuous at the moment- talking about ringing the police about a lost baby. Telling me a friend hit her on the head. As it’s the middle of the night I can’t do anything. We thought she had a UTI but antibiotics haven’t helped so need to speak to the GP again. It’s difficult getting a urine sample as she has so many visits to the loo- false alarms. Just needed to write it down....she is talking continuously and not sleeping. Her imaginary friends keep appearing and disappearing. She has been getting cross saying I don’t believe her so I’m just playing along. Is there medication for this sort of thing?

 

[JDD]

I‘m staying with my mum as she appeared to be getting unwell and is having delusions- continuous at the moment- talking about ringing the police about a lost baby. Telling me a friend hit her on the head. As it’s the middle of the night I can’t do anything. We thought she had a UTI but antibiotics haven’t helped so need to speak to the GP again. It’s difficult getting a urine sample as she has so many visits to the loo- false alarms. Just needed to write it down....she is talking continuously and not sleeping. Her imaginary friends keep appearing and disappearing. She has been getting cross saying I don’t believe her so I’m just playing along. Is there medication for this sort of thing?

I also had to remove the knobs on the gas cooker as she turned on the gas grill the other night and I smelt the gas and have hidden the door keys just in case she tries to go out. A few days ago she went out into the garage at 6am to look for a naughty boy who she thinks has been stealing things. She seems obsessed with periods and pregnancy and has just asked for a pad for a period- she’s 89! She said could I give the hospital some breast milk for the lost baby......I’m 61. It’s very strange as this the 1st few days of delusions I’ve witnessed.........though I know people with dementia do have strange thoughts. It’s helped just writing this down .....

 

[lemonbalm]

I also had to remove the knobs on the gas cooker as she turned on the gas grill the other night and I smelt the gas and have hidden the door keys just in case she tries to go out. A few days ago she went out into the garage at 6am to look for a naughty boy who she thinks has been stealing things. She seems obsessed with periods and pregnancy and has just asked for a pad for a period- she’s 89! She said could I give the hospital some breast milk for the lost baby......I’m 61. It’s very strange as this the 1st few days of delusions I’ve witnessed.........though I know people with dementia do have strange thoughts. It’s helped just writing this down .....

Hello @JDD . My mum has had these obsessions with pregnancy when she has had a bad uti (I see from your previous post that the GP has given antibiotics but perhaps they haven't cleared it up). Is there a chance that your mum is constipated? That can also cause a big increase in confusion and agitation.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @JDD and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. I hope your mum managed to settle so you could get some sleep. Do you have any help coming in? As well as contacting the GP it might be worth contacting your local council, if you haven't done so already as they should have plans in place to support vulnerable people at this time. Certainly when lockdown is over I assume you will be going home and it sounds like your mother will struggle to live independently.
The Alzheimer's helpline would be a good place to start to discuss your options
Dementia Connect support line: 0333 150 3456 and dementia.connect@alzheimers.org.uk
I don't know if you've seen this thread that might give you some ideas as to how to distract your mum, though at one in the morning when she is very deluded it could be very hard.
Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired
In the mean time have a look around at some of the other thread, there is some much experience here, and I found it invaluable when trying to get help for my mother. She didn't have quite the full-blown delusions that your mother is having, but she certainly asked me if I was having any more children, and wanted some herself with an Italian tour rep she'd fallen in love with. I was in my mid-sixties and she was in her late eighties.
You might also want to start your own thread as that way you'll probably get more replies and suggestions.

 

[JDD]

Hello @JDD . My mum has had these obsessions with pregnancy when she has had a bad uti (I see from your previous post that the GP has given antibiotics but perhaps they haven't cleared it up). Is there a chance that your mum is constipated? That can also cause a big increase in confusion and agitation.

Thanks Lemonbalm, the district nurses came today to insert a catheter to check she wasn't retaining fluid, and were able to test urine, they also mentioned constipation. Her urine was tested and no evidence of UTI. She was quite funny in the few hours with the bag.......was laughing with her invisible friends. She refers to herself as she- eg 'she needs the toilet' then says her name ' Dorothy needs the toilet' - then it was 'She's got something in her leg' ....... Hoping to speak to GP again tomorrow. This evening she has been completely different- much calmer- so far......

 

[margherita]

Hi everyone,
Two new delusions over the last few days.
The first about me. He accused me of trying to throw him out of the running car.
It might be connected to what happened a couple of weeks ago , when we argued in the car because I didn't want him to touch the mask and gloves I had used at the supermarket . On that occasion he had threatened to throw himself out of the car.
The second delusion is about our neighbour who, " besides attaching his garden hose to our outdoor tap to water his vegetable garden, has also seized a part of our garden".
At the moment OH's delusions seem to be still manageable, but I know things might suddenly and unpredictably change.

 

[canary]

Confabulations/delusions usually have a kernel of truth that is stretched, exaggerated, taken out of context and added to.

Keep your mobile on you at all times so that you can call for help in an emergency and keep safe.
xx

 

[JDD]

Thanks for the info Sarasa, I tried to leave a reply the other day but couldn’t.

Mum has been awake since 7.30pm, its now 4.35am! She thought she was having a baby, I’m the doctor or eldest sister etc, goes to the loo every 10 mins and always flushes! No UTI just a toilet obsession maybe. Will see if I can post this before I write more...

 

[JDD]

Yes she has private Carers coming twice a day- 1 hour morning and 45 mins pm. I;ve managed to arrange a sleep in Carer for 3 nights from the same agency so I can go home for a break. Re the night time activities.....she seems to have one good night and one bad....the .good night must be because she is exhausted! She talks quite loudly which is very different to 7 weeks ago, she’s not aware of the lockdown. She definitely has having babies in her mind, has been talking about her baby who died again, which I knew about but she didn’t talk about when it happened in 1961. I think that must relate to the lost baby the other night. She is still talking- 5.05 am so glad we are in separate rooms....

 

[Louise7]

@JDD Did you manage to speak to the GP yet? As the delusions/change in behaviour have come on so suddenly your mum may have delirium, which can be caused by a variety of things, including infection/pain: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/delirium

If your mum doesn't have a UTI then it's possible that she has an infection elsewhere, and a blood test and/or new antibiotics might be needed so speak to the GP as the current situation must be really difficult for both you and your mum so she needs to be checked over thoroughly.