Dealing with the anger and disrespect

[Shy]

I must admit that I was hurt and didn’t want to go back to help with my loved one as I was referred to as **** and why was I there. Of course I realized that the person is sick, but how do you deal with being cursed and disrespected when you know you are there to help? After all, I am human with feelings too. I left because I had been dealing with other issues as well and just couldn’t take it. Plus, I didn’t want to make matters worse.

 

[Kevinl]

You do it for love, I did it for her because I knew, had it been the other way around she would have bee there for me too as the song lyrics go.
Something over 10 years on this site, wife first then mum too, do it all again if I had the chance, in a heartbeat. Sadly now they've both passed away that isn't an option.
Hope that helps. K

 

[amIinthewrong?]

I must admit that I was hurt and didn’t want to go back to help with my loved one as I was referred to as **** and why was I there. Of course I realized that the person is sick, but how do you deal with being cursed and disrespected when you know you are there to help? After all, I am human with feelings too. I left because I had been dealing with other issues as well and just couldn’t take it. Plus, I didn’t want to make matters worse.

I know the exact same feeling I went to the hospital because my mum had a stroke and I was treated poorly by her “she was like this quite a bit to me before the stroke” during some of those visits, now some days can be good and some days can be bad and oh do the bad days hurt, I got told that the hospital was safe guarding her because she said I had stolen from her, then she told me the police asked her if I did and she told them no, then she phoned me up while I was going on the bus to visit her I couldn’t answer in time got left a voice mail with her saying “I knew you wouldn’t show up, you’re nothing but a lying thief” to say I cried my eyes out was an understatement, she did this a few times again to me, sometimes it happens, basically. It is up to you if you are emotionally prepared to get what is the downside of the illness of you’re loved one, I am not going to blame you if you need to take some time to yourself to try and heal emotionally, maybe leave visiting for a few days.💐💐p.s you need to look after your self too meaning your mental health no one would like to be treated in a certain manner.

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

I treat it as a relationship between three people, there's me, Mum and Dementia.

Mum is Mum, she's a sweet old lady that will always love her family. Dementia is a different person, pretty vile and frequently aggressive. Dementia doesn't like me because I make her do horrible things such as eating and drinking but I keep going back because she was once Mum.

 

[amIinthewrong?]

I treat it as a relationship between three people, there's me, Mum and Dementia.

Mum is Mum, she's a sweet old lady that will always love her family. Dementia is a different person, pretty vile and frequently aggressive. Dementia doesn't like me because I make her do horrible things such as eating and drinking but I keep going back because she was once Mum.

I think you summed this up perfectly 💐💐

 

[Tanzanite]

I treat it as a relationship between three people, there's me, Mum and Dementia.

Mum is Mum, she's a sweet old lady that will always love her family. Dementia is a different person, pretty vile and frequently aggressive. Dementia doesn't like me because I make her do horrible things such as eating and drinking but I keep going back because she was

I think you summed this up perfectly 💐💐

💔 Perfectly put.

 

[Jenaсalius]

I treat it as a relationship between three people, there's me, Mum and Dementia.

Mum is Mum, she's a sweet old lady that will always love her family. Dementia is a different person, pretty vile and frequently aggressive. Dementia doesn't like me because I make her do horrible things such as eating and drinking but I keep going back because she was once Mum.

Well said. Though at times, it's undeniably challenging. I try to remind myself that it's a disease

 

[Toopie28]

I treat it as a relationship between three people, there's me, Mum and Dementia.

Mum is Mum, she's a sweet old lady that will always love her family. Dementia is a different person, pretty vile and frequently aggressive. Dementia doesn't like me because I make her do horrible things such as eating and drinking but I keep going back because she was once Mum.

This is lovely. Well said!

Another member once said to me (canary maybe?, sorry I don't remember)
Before dementia, they could chose if they wanted to be mean and nasty to you.
With dementia, they can't choose.

 

[Annamalina]

I treat it as a relationship between three people, there's me, Mum and Dementia.

Mum is Mum, she's a sweet old lady that will always love her family. Dementia is a different person, pretty vile and frequently aggressive. Dementia doesn't like me because I make her do horrible things such as eating and drinking but I keep going back because she was once Mum.

Well said. I have the same feeling when my mum is abusive towards me and calls me horrible things ( I am with her 24/7) It sounds like she almost gets possessed by an evil third party who shouts from her body when her brain is completely switched off. The next day when she is adequate she is just my sick mum and I feel so many sad emotions as I know that she might get possessed by that horrible person any time and without any warning. It is just insane!

 

[Annamalina]

This is lovely. Well said!

Another member once said to me (canary maybe?, sorry I don't remember)
Before dementia, they could chose if they wanted to be mean and nasty to you.
With dementia, they can't choose.

This made me cry

 

[Annamalina]

You do it for love, I did it for her because I knew, had it been the other way around she would have bee there for me too as the song lyrics go.
Something over 10 years on this site, wife first then mum too, do it all again if I had the chance, in a heartbeat. Sadly now they've both passed away that isn't an option.
Hope that helps. K

When it gets really hard I think about it too. My parents would have done anything for me, how can I possibly walk away from them, especially when they have nobody else in the entire world except me.

 

[Kevinl]

When it gets really hard I think about it too. My parents would have done anything for me, how can I possibly walk away from them, especially when they have nobody else in the entire world except me.

And you have, all of us here to care about you, as carers we've all been there, the highs and the lows, mainly the latter, but it is what it is and there's always someone here to listen. K

 

[Annamalina]

And you have, all of us here to care about you, as carers we've all been there, the highs and the lows, mainly the latter, but it is what it is and there's always someone here to listen. K

Thank you 🙏

 

[Kevinl]

More than welcome. K