This morning mum really laid into me extremely angry. I spoke to her on the phone last night Wednesday agreeing to take her shopping the next day about midday which she was happy with. I rang her the next day Thursday at 9.30am to make sure she still wanted to go and again she said midday was fine. I turn up a bit earlier at 11.30am and she was fuming saying she's been waiting all morning to go shopping saying she always goes shopping in a morning. I reminded her she said midday was fine but she accused me of lying and she never agreed midday. I'm really struggling to deal with her anger towards me when I've done absolutely nothing wrong. I try to remain calm and not shout back at her but it's really hard.
Dealing with mums anger
- Thread starter ian01
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Sadly ian and I know I've said it before, you have to learn to live in their world when they can no longer live in ours.
Just keep loving your mum and hate the illness she unfortunately now has, you can fight all the battles you want with this illness but you will lose the war.
Guess I'm just an aging hippie growing old disgracefully, peace and love. K
Just keep loving your mum and hate the illness she unfortunately now has, you can fight all the battles you want with this illness but you will lose the war.
Guess I'm just an aging hippie growing old disgracefully, peace and love. K
Thanks kev I just try my hardest to keep her happy, today I remained fairly calm despite facing her anger and reminding myself it's the dementia talking not mum.
It is so hard at times @ian01 and we are only human so it can really hurt when out loved ones are angry with us for no reason. Take care and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
I've learned to be phylosophical about it all, easy now the caring is now over for me since my wife and mum both died. Id do it all again if I could, 12 years since I joined this site, frustrated and angry, but as I say Id do it all again given the chance and given them back. K
@ian01 I can completely relate, mum is in the mid stages but sometimes mixes her days or forgets things that have been said, and gets frustrated or angry with me. Very hard to deal with. It's easy for them to take it out on us and they do not necessarily know it's their confusion, or do not want to accept it. I have found it easier to start to say nothing or divert conversation, as she gets agitated otherwise.
PS: Sorry to hear about the issues with your brother, I am going through the same but without the drugs, just a sense of entitlement to her cash. Which like you, she and he then resent me for. My sibling has taken years to stop trying to utilise or coerce her funds. Infuriating as already he has tens of thousands in the bank (from her).
PS: Sorry to hear about the issues with your brother, I am going through the same but without the drugs, just a sense of entitlement to her cash. Which like you, she and he then resent me for. My sibling has taken years to stop trying to utilise or coerce her funds. Infuriating as already he has tens of thousands in the bank (from her).
My mum use to do this, I would say I was visiting next week (she lives a long way away) and she would ring me in a right huff days before because she had got lunch already for me and I havent turned up. Then she would be upset because Im not coming to see her. Its hard, and originally annoying because I thought she was just being horrid.
Yet another mouth full of abuse from mum accusing me of lying and stealing her money, saying the police and social worker want hanging and throwing a handful of coins at me.
She says there is no food in the house and needs shopping even though I took her shopping yesterday, I said I'd take her again today but it's the card she wants. I know it's my brother pressuring her as it's him who wants the card so he can help himself which can't happen. She's 90 years old and he's doing this to her.
I feel so alone is dealing with this, I'm taking all her anger whilst she talks about him like he's the best son in the world. He's the cause of all the problems with his vile stealing and drug use, he's the reason I've got mums card. I hate having mums card but I can't let her have it back because of him.
What else can I do?
I need deputyship but the forms look so hard and I can't find anyone to help me fill them in.
I'm getting desperate.
She says there is no food in the house and needs shopping even though I took her shopping yesterday, I said I'd take her again today but it's the card she wants. I know it's my brother pressuring her as it's him who wants the card so he can help himself which can't happen. She's 90 years old and he's doing this to her.
I feel so alone is dealing with this, I'm taking all her anger whilst she talks about him like he's the best son in the world. He's the cause of all the problems with his vile stealing and drug use, he's the reason I've got mums card. I hate having mums card but I can't let her have it back because of him.
What else can I do?
I need deputyship but the forms look so hard and I can't find anyone to help me fill them in.
I'm getting desperate.
I'm sure someone from your local AZ society could help, don't put an address on here the site staff can no doubt do this in private messages.
What has the world come to, I can only say where I live help was readily available if you knew where to look locally, I often wonder if as a man looking after first wife then mum too I got preferential treatment.
K
What has the world come to, I can only say where I live help was readily available if you knew where to look locally, I often wonder if as a man looking after first wife then mum too I got preferential treatment.
K
The situation with mum and him is only going to get harder for me to deal with as mum's dementia gets worse.
I don't know who else to ask, CAB said they couldn't help and a local charity called Support Through Court who help with legal form filling etc have never got back to me. It shouldn't be so hard to get help for something so important.
I don't know who else to ask, CAB said they couldn't help and a local charity called Support Through Court who help with legal form filling etc have never got back to me. It shouldn't be so hard to get help for something so important.
I've emailed them again today this time explaining the situation more so hopefully they'll reply this time.
Try age UK if you have one near you. They help with filling in benefit claims for people and they probably will help with this too.they are used to official forms
Aye, it is a large number of us that face this particular issue and somehow, for me, the most distressing as it is totally at odds with the lady my LO once was 😢
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