MIL was nasty when the lady was here. The lady said it cost £39 for the day centre as MIL has not had a SS assessment but once she has then it will cost £14. But the assessment and waiting list is months. I can not wait that long.
She is going this Friday for a cup of coffee and can stay for lunch and they will bring her home to see how it goes. We would like send her twice a week but at that price we can not afford it. MIL absolutely doesn't want to go. Tough she is going. Afterwards MIL was so obnoxious.........the worst she has ever been. she was her usual nasty cutting self
The problem is she has not been assessed yet. There was no indication that we will get a refund. She will be paying but we do not have POA her daughter does. If we want her to go more than 1 day a week (I want her to) then I will get hubby to ask his sister for the extra money. In fact I may ask anyway x
Yes she gets attendance allowance and the money is transferred to us. SIL even sends money over to us for her keep (if they didn't we would never be able to have her) but that keep money we have tried not to use because if she needed to go into a NH this would be looked into x
I have come to this post a little late and sorry if you think I am butting in. I have not read the entire thread so hope I am not repeating something already said.
Attendance allowance is given to cover any help your MIL may need in the home or outside of the home. So use the attendance allowance for MIL to go to the day centre. Then use the money for your MIL's keep for her keep. I can see no reason why any one should question the keep money should she need care. Your MIL at the moment is responsible for buying her own food, clothing and anything else she needs. Where she lives whilst being responsible makes no difference.
I used my husband's attendance allowance to pay for day care and we paid separately for his meals whilst there.
You need a break before you break so the more day care you can manage the better it is for you.
You are so kind it makes me cry which is silly I know. Sometimes one doesn't know what to do for the best and I really thought I would never contemplate the Day Centre scenario but it is the lack of time together for hubby and I that is getting to us. Mind you it is 'full on' 24/7 as you all would know.
Maybe then we could afford 2 days a week but I think she is going to hate it. But quite honestly it'll be day centre or NH. My hubby is worried that I will 'break'. I can't even get my hair done, see my friends etc its driving me mad. I have always worked and been very independent so this is a challenge. Please don't think I don't want her because I do. Hubby works and is marvellous but it is me that takes the brunt of things. Thank you so much for your input xx
If Day Care really does not work. have you considered crossroads. They supply companions to come into the house for a fixed period of time. They seem to be able to deal with just about anything.
The one who has just started this week for me, wet shaved Gordon, and is prepared to change his pads etc and generally keep him safe and clean. Gordon does seem to respond to her, and so far seems to be enjoying her company.
It is bliss to go out swimming knowing I amnot going to come back to face a toilet accident , as it will all be dealt with.
I amhaving 3 afternoons a week Tues. Wed and Thurs.
I think after a few weeks there is a charge, but mainly because we have not disclosed Gordon's finances.
Perhaps having 3 afternoons a week would be nicer for you than one day which starts off fraught with anxiety about whether she will go or not.
I am lucky at the moment as Gordon also does go to a Day Centre on a Friday, but is refusing to go more often than he is going at the moment.
Trouble is that if you do break, you will be weakened and will take a long time to recover, and be at risk of relapses as I know only too well.
I do get a volunteer from carers support uk every other Monday from 10-5pm which is fantastic. It has only just started, this coming Monday will the first full day. We have been told if we want crossroads we will have to pay because we can't 'dip' into free care twice. Unfortunately we asked for her to come Fridays but it is already taken and my hubby works everyday but not Friday-Sunday hence the reason we want MIL in the Day Centre Fridays so we can have time together
I was a quivering mess on the way, I felt sick, my stomach was churning, I felt I was betraying my MIL. We did not tell her where we were going. Hubby just said we are going out please could you use the bathroom. No explanations at all. We said we are going to Bexleyheath that was all. No questions asked. She loved the ride which made it worse! Hubby a cool cookie . No nerves for him as he felt it was a job that had to be done . I was terrified she would scream and have a tantrum about being
with 'old fogies' as she calls them
But she didn't
Of course the staff know exactly how to deal with her. They took over as soon as we arrived.
The home was lovely. No nasty smell. Staff fantastic.
They included her immediately whilst we filled in the paper work. We could see her singing with the others. The only difference was Mum didn't need the song book as she knew every word! Bless! Also she was the life and the soul of the party! She had orange squash and did a 'cheers' everybody and touched glasses with everyone round her table. She led the singing like she was a conductor! She stayed for fish and chips and ice cream, the staff said she mixed well and enjoyed it and mum said she is going next week. Oh and she loved the quiz (so strange because she always claimed she hated quizzes). Yippee! Hubby and I can have a day a week together AND she liked it!
We are taking her for 10.30 and they will bring her back every Friday. YES we cracked it
Yesterday MIL loved the Day Centre again and they brought her back for us. She said oh they were so kind they brought me back. I felt so guilty as she has no idea we have arranged all this for her. Next Friday they are picking her up as well as bringing her back. It will give us a little bit longer together.
As she seems to like it we thought we might arrange another day for her to go as well. That is if there are any spaces left!
In all honesty I think she thrives with the company and the activities and she is with others i.e. not just me all the time, so much more stimulation