I am living in the US and my dad is located in Canada and has early onset dementia, I find it difficult to be away from him much of the time and to support him from afar. I am doing my best to visit him as often as I can but still struggle to reconcile living away from him, and trying to support him.
Daughter whos father has early onset dementia, remote caretaker
- Thread starter Jemmakosalko
- Start date
Hello @Jemmakosalko and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read of the difficulty that you are having in taking care of your dad from a distance. It must be so hard for you. The DSF is a UK based forum but we have members from all over the world and the reality of dementia is the same the world over. However, the help available in each country will be different.
Does your dad have any help when you are not visiting to support him. Because your dad lives in Canada I do not know what care is available for your dad, or how to access that help. I have therefore attached below a link to the Alhzeimer's Society of Canada which you may find useful.
alzheimer.ca
Does your dad have any help when you are not visiting to support him. Because your dad lives in Canada I do not know what care is available for your dad, or how to access that help. I have therefore attached below a link to the Alhzeimer's Society of Canada which you may find useful.
Alzheimer Society of Canada
Hi @Jemmakosalko ,
I live in Europe and my dad is in the US. It is difficult and every situation is different. I am lucky as I was able to spend some longer periods in the US when we realised my mom had dementia also — she went downhill very quickly so there was a lot of “catch up” as care arrangements quickly escalated. My dad’s dementia is much slower progressing.
I still regularly travel over to check and do admin and am lucky that my sister has picked up more of the daily monitoring (it was tough on me with the time difference). I make a list of things that needed to be done in person when I’m there and have taught myself not to stress about other things.
AARP has some good articles and a caregiving section on their website. They also have a caregiver Facebook group with lots of support.
It is tough being farther away but I always reminded myself that both my parents wanted me to be independent and not reorder my life around them. But it is tough — big hug.
Some suggestions:
Make sure you have all the legal paperwork in place now. I am not sure of the Canadian legal system but in the US there is a medical and legal POAs. I also ensured that the legal POA did NOT depend on a doctor’s sign off to invoke. This can take a while and is easily screwed up (as I unfortunately found out with my brother). In the US, some medical offices also insist on a HIPPA (medical information) release, especially if he’s only early to mid stage. Once you have the POA, it’s best to file it with any government agencies (Medicare, social security), banks, and credit cards as they all have their own review processes that can take some time.
Will your employer give you some time off so you could spend a few weeks or a month with your dad to observe him to assess his day to day needs and be able to put some care arrangements in place? It’s much better to plan a work break than have an emergency (a way to sell it to any employer). You may be able to use the Family and Medical leave act to cover you employment wise while away. I find it’s much easier to ramp up my dad’s care, talk with his doctors, and deal with some of the admin after meeting people face to face.
I live in Europe and my dad is in the US. It is difficult and every situation is different. I am lucky as I was able to spend some longer periods in the US when we realised my mom had dementia also — she went downhill very quickly so there was a lot of “catch up” as care arrangements quickly escalated. My dad’s dementia is much slower progressing.
I still regularly travel over to check and do admin and am lucky that my sister has picked up more of the daily monitoring (it was tough on me with the time difference). I make a list of things that needed to be done in person when I’m there and have taught myself not to stress about other things.
AARP has some good articles and a caregiving section on their website. They also have a caregiver Facebook group with lots of support.
It is tough being farther away but I always reminded myself that both my parents wanted me to be independent and not reorder my life around them. But it is tough — big hug.
Some suggestions:
Make sure you have all the legal paperwork in place now. I am not sure of the Canadian legal system but in the US there is a medical and legal POAs. I also ensured that the legal POA did NOT depend on a doctor’s sign off to invoke. This can take a while and is easily screwed up (as I unfortunately found out with my brother). In the US, some medical offices also insist on a HIPPA (medical information) release, especially if he’s only early to mid stage. Once you have the POA, it’s best to file it with any government agencies (Medicare, social security), banks, and credit cards as they all have their own review processes that can take some time.
Will your employer give you some time off so you could spend a few weeks or a month with your dad to observe him to assess his day to day needs and be able to put some care arrangements in place? It’s much better to plan a work break than have an emergency (a way to sell it to any employer). You may be able to use the Family and Medical leave act to cover you employment wise while away. I find it’s much easier to ramp up my dad’s care, talk with his doctors, and deal with some of the admin after meeting people face to face.
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