Dangerous microwave

[sheepfield]

I popped round to see my mother in law today to try to ensure that she gets at least one hot meal a day.
Sadly whilst I was there she switched on the microwave with nothing in it and there was a bright flash. She seemed not to notice the flash!
I've now switched off the microwave at the wall behind it so she might not understand why it's no longer working if she tries to use it. But I don't think that she's been eating though she doesn't realise it. I'm hoping that she isn't able to switch the microwave back on and doesn't try the oven. I'll have to switch it off at the wall too and hope for the best. There was a strong smell of burning in the kitchen so I wonder how many times she's switched the microwave on empty today. I don't think that she's safe to cook by herself. Now I'm in the position of wondering how to stop her from cooking unsupervised.

 

[cobden 28]

Does your Mum have a gas cooker or an electric one? My Mum (92, with Ahzeimers) jas had to have the gas supply to her cooker disconnected because she kept letting pans burn dry, with the resulting fire risk. Her carer has arranged with the gas company to fit a special switch to the gas supply so that the gas to the cooker is switched off and is only switched on again (by the carer) when the carer is present to supervise Mum's using the cooker. Mum can manage to operate her microwave so she has microwave TV dinners with no problem.

Perhaps you could contact your mother's energy suppier to see if they have a similar scheme in operation regarding switched for cookers? If your mother is unable to safely operate her microwave you could perhaps block the switch at the wall and unblock it only when you are present, so she can at least have a hot TV microwave dinner every day. I believe the electricity companies do have some sort of gadget which blocks off a power point so applicances can't be plugged in.

 

[Izzy]

I wonder if it's time to remove the microwave from the kitchen altogether.

I also agree with the suggestions made above. This thread comes from a couple of years back but might be useful -

Locking Cooker Valves

Hi everyone! One of Alzheimer's Society's partners, Cadent, have a free Locking Cooker Valve (LCV) service that could be of benefit to some of you living in England and Wales. What is it? The locking cooker valve is a safety device that allows a carer or family member to easily control when...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

Would it be possible to arrange some kind of meals on wheels service for your mum. If she has carers then perhaps they could leave things like sandwiches for her in the fridge so that she could find something to eat if she's hungry.

 

[nitram]

ClearSTOP Locking Cooker and Electric switch cover ideal for Alzheimers and Dementia Care Applications

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[sheepfield]

Ah thank you for the link.and suggestions. It's amazing what products are out there.
We'll see what developments have occurred when I visit today to make lunch. The conventional oven was so smoky yesterday when I checked it that I'm not sure if it's useable. Possibly just dirty. My mother in law demonstrated half a dozen times that the cooker wasn't working and blamed the local corporation!
Sadly I don't think that she would remember to eat a sandwich that she discovered in the fridge. I've been making meals and prompting her to eat. It all seems to be happening so suddenly.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I remember all too well going to visit my mother one time and the penny finally dropped. I thought she'd had a lot of bad luck with appliances - Sky Box replaced a few times, 3 'faulty' microwaves, a broken washing machine, (which was fine but she'd turned it off at the socket.) various phones bought and soon discarded because they didn't work, etc.

We arrived and she was in her dressing gown reading. 'Oh, you didn't say you were coming!' she said. I'd been on the phone to her for more than an hour the previous evening. We went to brew up and mum said she'd warm her cold coffee in the microwave. Only she couldn't. Didn't even know how to open the door. Her TV was stuck on a settings page - she said 'Oh it's always like that these days. I don't watch it anyway.' Did she still play her favourite mah-jong game on her pc? 'Oh it's broken now - I don't use it anymore. That woman came to fix it a couple of times but she's taken my Tesco off.'

So many warning signs but I'd ignored them! It dawned on me she wasn't actually able to operate anything much anymore and had been covering up. I don't blame her - she had no idea she was ill and neither did I. Well, deep down I did but she hadn't seen a doctor in years and we just thought she was getting a bit old and scatty... She was very articulate and healthy though so it was easy for her to mask a lot of her problems. When she mentioned giving someone a pound note and not getting any change, the warning lights began to flash...

Unfortunately it all escalated rather quickly. The next time we turned up, again an arranged visit, there was no answer at her door and her neighbour came out and asked me if mum was still in hospital. What??? I had no idea. Turned out she'd fallen getting off a bus a couple of days before and banged her head. Things went downhill from there and she never returned home.

My point - in case you were wondering! - is that when these things start happening we deal with them one by one, often completely ignoring the bigger picture. Grasping the enormity of dementia is really hard. It's easy to think, 'Oh, she can't work the microwave but she'll be fine with this new mini oven and everything else is fine...' But it isn't fine.

Your MiL seems to be progressing quite quickly plus you're just finding out everything she's struggling with. And it will be everything. Unless your MiL has constant supervision now, there's going to be a crisis.

It all seems to be happening so suddenly.

It seems that way. People with dementia are often good at covering up their issues. Don't forget, the person has probably had dementia for many years before symptoms start to show.

 

[sheepfield]

That's something that I read about dementia, that the changes in the brain can start to happen decades before the symptoms show and people do mask and cover things up as my mother in law has.
Thankfully my mother in law has low vision, low mobility and heart trouble so she spends a lot of time sleeping and so far can't see to plug her appliances back in that I've unplugged, doesn't have the energy to stand for long etc. But we will remain open to changes.
I used to know someone with Lewy Bodies who was convinced that there was a child under their bed in the nursing home and despite being frail would lift the bed up looking for the child! So dementia might overcome my mother in law's other limitations.
It sounds as though the social care at home stage might not last very long for us. My mother in law sometimes does mention putting herself into a home.
It sounds like you had quite a shock and quite a time with your mother. Thank you for sharing something of your experience x

 

[DeeCee7]

Hello @sheepfield do be careful about appliances. Our PWD blew up one microwave, setting the power to maximum and leaving a metal spoon in with the meal. This was after he burnt out a replacement cooker which was left on, again at maximum heat for a whole day. We could smell the burnt acrid atmosphere when we went in, the next day, but the smoke alarm hadn’t gone off in the hall, as he had shut the door and forgotten about the cooker. The alarms were professionally fitted btw. We had a ring camera fitted and tried to talk him through cooking his meal. That didn’t work, and the photo below was our sudden “wake up” moment, so we disconnected everything, and spent a year and a half doing all the meals along with a neighbour. Thankfully after a hospital admission, he is now enjoying life in a care home, and the only cooking he does now was assisting in making a yule log at Christmas and flipping a pancake yesterday.
Your mother in law is the best she will be right now, so be prepared…

 

[Kevinl]

I've hardly used my microwave since I bought an Air Frier, thermal cutout so can't overheat, over cook maybe, but, I feel it's pretty safe. Next door neighbour liked it so much they got one too.
I'm on my own, they're 2 adults and 2 children, so totally different households.
I won't recommend a brand on here, probably they're all pretty much the same but in terms of safety I would suggest you look at them at least.
K

 

[sheepfield]

I'm hoping that a microwave with buttons to operate it might outwit my mother in law. She's used to a pull open style door and a dial that you turn to set the timer. Then I or carers can cook for her but she won't be able to use it. Or she might blow that up too, which would be awful.
An air fryer sounds like a good choice too, could be safer if she fathoms out how to use it.
Thank you for sharing experiences.
Yule logs and pancakes are the best kind of foods! 😋

 

[sheepfield]

An update on the cooking situation. My autistic husband is confused as to why the microwave is unplugged and cooker turned off at the wall despite several explanations. At least he didn't say that he'd switched them back on. The sheltered accommodation manager is aware and happy that I've removed cooking options for now.
I found the remains of several cakes and plastic ready meal containers in the oven. Clearly in the past she has cooked unsuitable things in the oven or for too long. And I've seen that she has taken to storing things, including cakes, in the oven.
My husband thought that his mum would cook a ready meal for her tea so she might not have had an evening meal. I'm not even sure that she's been having breakfast. I did encourage my husband to make his mum a sandwich but he did not and I've been working this evening so unable to help.

 

[SeaSwallow]

@sheepfield From what you have posted recently it sounds as if your MIL is not eating much at all. This cannot be good for her health. Sheltered accommodation is rarely suitable for a person with dementia. If your MIL was moved to a care home you would know that she was safe, and eating regularly.

 

[sheepfield]

It all seems to have gone downhill rapidly since the fall a month ago. Things might indeed be moving too fast for social care at home, due to start next week.
It's a relief that my mother in law is compliant and accepts me making food for her. You're quite right, it won't be doing her health any good and I will mention it at the GP surgery today, permission to speak or not!

 

[sheepfield]

Today my sister put a photo of us both together in our family group chat. Our mum asked if it was from today! My sister lives 100s of miles away so it's a long day trip away.
I had to explain yet again that I'm with my mother in law each day now trying to prompt her to eat and not cause a fire with the cooking appliances. I don't have time for day trips. It seems that even our nearest family just don't understand the impact of dementia on everything and everyone.
I'll see what social care advise tomorrow about if replacing the microwave is appropriate.
I'm so grateful to have this forum.

 

[sheepfield]

My husband and I removed the microwave today despite his mum asking about a million times if it was really necessary and could it be repaired. Sadly my husband also showed his mum the switch for the electric cooker though I don't know if she'll remember how to use it. So we're possibly back to melted plastic and incinerated cakes.
My mother in law has also stopped accepting me making food for her, she says that she has already eaten but the uneaten food suggests that she has not eaten much. She was eating cakes and bits of meat and cheese today, at least that's something.
I was writing something earlier in this forum and my husband noseyed over my shoulder and got upset that I'd written about him. But I've got to express my feelings somewhere, it's such hard work observing my mother in law and looking after my husband too.
Social care seem to think that my mother in law will thrive with two visits a day to prompt medication, cook a meal and make sandwiches.

 

[canary]

Im so sorry things have progressed further.
I dont for one minute think that two carer visits a day will be sufficient, but take it anyway as it will help and SS need to see that it wont be enough.
xx

 

[sheepfield]

Yes, I know little about the social care process and can't retain stuff unless I write it down immediately. But I believe that there will be a review after a few weeks and hopefully they will see that things have been insufficient. And maybe my mother in law will be willing to accept more help by then like with washing and dressing.

 

[sheepfield]

There is no start date yet for social care as there's no capacity says the social worker, who suggested that we contact the Community Meals Service, which doesn't need a referral. I'm not sure how someone who is deafblind and only appears to respond to suggestions from professionals is meant to contact them and arrange meals on wheels for herself.
Today when I called round, as the social worker insists on telephoning and asked me to be present too so I could assist, I found my mother in law eating her lunch in a room full of smoke, totally oblivious. She had used the oven to cook but of course it's had melted plastic and incinerated cakes in it so I guess that's what was smouldering especially if she had topped it up with more cakes after I removed them.
As she's living in sheltered accommodation, why was there no smoke alarm? The amount of smoke alarmed me! Or perhaps it had sounded but she hadn't heard it and perhaps they stop sounding after a while as I didn't hear it.
The fire brigade came and that distressed my mother in law though she barely registered exactly what they were talking about.
It's getting more disastrous by the day with no help in sight.

 

[canary]

Keep on keeping on at SS. Tell them it is a safeguarding risk and that she is "a vulnerable person at risk of harm" (please use these words)

 

[sheepfield]

I've written another email to social services with photos of my mother in law's cupboards full of mouldy teabags and bathroom surfaces full of used tissues that she is no longer flushing away, also using the words safeguarding, vulnerable and at risk in every paragraph.
They say that she should have a new microwave as social carers will need one to make a hot meal. Not that there's even a whiff of a start date for them. So just as we have taken away a means by which she can cause a fire without realising it, or the need to escape, social services asked us to provide a new means by which she can do that as I'm sure that she will use a microwave empty again as she's done it several times.
Social services introduced the befriender person to my mother in law, presumably someone who worked in social care but now that budgets are squeezed has been made redundant. And they wanted to take her today to buy the microwave as she has capacity.
You couldn't make it up! The mind absolutely boggles. It's so upsetting. It feels like I'm fabricating an illness, depriving my mother in law of freedom and being told off by social services for doing so.
I don't know what to do next and I'm running out of mental wellness myself to cope with all this.