Since Dad began taking respirodone last year and since we have managed to get some of his medications in liquid form Dad has been a bit easier to manage. He still sundowns but the level of agitation is less.
But the thing that is still really worrying my mum (well, the main thing that is!) is how he shouts and yells at the carer when she is washing him/dressing him. We have had the same carer for almost 2 years now but it was only August last year when we started with 5 morning vists per week due to Dad's decine and Mum's health problems. Dad doesn't like anyone washing him much (he splashed me when I was just helping him wash his face and hands on Sunday and it wasn't in fun!) - but he really hates the carer doing it. And of course, she doesn't back off as Mum and I will sometime do in desperation!
I say to mum that the only reason she/I can cope and keep him at home/keep him clean and well is that the carer takes the strain and effort of washing/dressing him 5 times a week - but when Mum gets worried I do too, and wonder if I should be doing something; changing something? I have spoken to the carer several times about it and she insists that she can cope with Dad's anger and that she understands that his dignity is being outraged - and says she would rather have it that way because that is part of Dad, still there and intact - his dignity. I also worry that the anger is causing Dad upset and stress that we should avoid. He gets over the anger and is ok afterwards - until the next time! I'm sure Dad would lash out if he could but his balance is not great at at 92 he doesn't have the strength he did - so luckily it is mostly vocal aggression.....
I'd be really grateful for other people's thoughts. Go with the angst if the carer is prepared to go with it for the sake of keeping him clean, well and in his own home? The alternative is mum and I doing more washing duties - which would probably annoy him less but would put greater physical strain on my 84 year old mum with a bad back (I work 4 days a week and cannot be there myself to get him up every day) - or full time care.
Put that way it seems like a no-brainer but I do hate him - and mum - being upset.
I just don't know what to do for the best. Which as we all know is the dementia dilemma...
Thanks
Lesley
But the thing that is still really worrying my mum (well, the main thing that is!) is how he shouts and yells at the carer when she is washing him/dressing him. We have had the same carer for almost 2 years now but it was only August last year when we started with 5 morning vists per week due to Dad's decine and Mum's health problems. Dad doesn't like anyone washing him much (he splashed me when I was just helping him wash his face and hands on Sunday and it wasn't in fun!) - but he really hates the carer doing it. And of course, she doesn't back off as Mum and I will sometime do in desperation!
I say to mum that the only reason she/I can cope and keep him at home/keep him clean and well is that the carer takes the strain and effort of washing/dressing him 5 times a week - but when Mum gets worried I do too, and wonder if I should be doing something; changing something? I have spoken to the carer several times about it and she insists that she can cope with Dad's anger and that she understands that his dignity is being outraged - and says she would rather have it that way because that is part of Dad, still there and intact - his dignity. I also worry that the anger is causing Dad upset and stress that we should avoid. He gets over the anger and is ok afterwards - until the next time! I'm sure Dad would lash out if he could but his balance is not great at at 92 he doesn't have the strength he did - so luckily it is mostly vocal aggression.....
I'd be really grateful for other people's thoughts. Go with the angst if the carer is prepared to go with it for the sake of keeping him clean, well and in his own home? The alternative is mum and I doing more washing duties - which would probably annoy him less but would put greater physical strain on my 84 year old mum with a bad back (I work 4 days a week and cannot be there myself to get him up every day) - or full time care.
Put that way it seems like a no-brainer but I do hate him - and mum - being upset.
I just don't know what to do for the best. Which as we all know is the dementia dilemma...
Thanks
Lesley
