dad with toliet issues

[lauren1600]

Hi everyone
Embarrassed to talk about this but I really am struggling to deal with this
Since my dad as gotten dementia he really keeps messing up the toilet. He will constantly leave the toliet in a mess with even small bits poo on the floor on the tiles on the hands and doors? I don’t understand how he keeps doing this every single time he goes? I confront him every time about it and he says he didn’t see anything there? It’s like he knows he’s doing it but keeps not cleaning it! Leaving it to me and my sister which is really unfair. We even got a toilet downstairs just for him to use and he won’t stop doing it… I just need some tips or help thank you

 

[Louise7]

Hi @lauren1600 and welcome to the forum. This is a friendly place, and lots of us here have had experience of all sorts of toilet issues so I'm sure that you'll get some suggestions that will help. Unfortunately toilet problems do usually get worse as dementia progresses, and it's not an easy thing to deal with, but it does sound as if your dad has got to the stage where someone needs to go with him to the toilet. Sometimes if someone has difficulties in finding the toilet seat a red or blue coloured seat can help for a while, it did with my mum as it made it easier for her to see where to go. If the problem is wiping and keeping themselves clean then it's a good idea to have someone there to assist, but I appreciate how difficult this will be for you and your sister to deal with. Your dad most likely doesn't understand the problem and confronting him about it probably isn't going to stop the same thing happening again. Have you thought about getting some carers in to help your dad with his personal care and toileting? It's worth asking adult social services for a care need assessment as they may be able to provide some help for you all. Details of the assessment process are in this factsheet:

Assessment for care and support in England

What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

You might also find this factsheet helpful as it contains some suggestions which might be useful too:

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/toilet-problems-continence#content-start

Hope this is useful but keep posting as there is lots of support here from people in the same boat.

 

[canary]

Hi @lauren1600
There comes a time (usually in late mid-stage) when the person with dementia starts having real problems with various processes, in particular with washing, dressing and going to the toilet. They cant remember where to go, or exactly what to do and get things in the wrong order. From what you have said Im wondering whether your dad is getting muddled and opening his bowels while standing up (as if he were passing urine) and then trying to clear it up with his hands. He will think that what he is doing is right and therefore cannot understand why it is going wrong.

It is an embarrassing problem, but your dad wont be able to remember what to do, even if you constantly try and talk him through it. Im afraid that the only solutions are either to go in with him and prompt and guide him through the process, or else clean out the bathroom every time he comes out.

 

[Pacucho]

Hi Lauren,
I see you have received good advice. One issue I learnt in caring for my mum was not to confront her about these and other issues. I know it's very hard to do, and means you and your sister will need to keep cleaning up each time.

What may help is a document posted on TP many times before called Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired.
Hope this helps,
Paco

 

[sdmhred]

Hi Lauren, I am at a similar stage with mum where she can’t remember what exactly to do. It depends how you feel but I take and guide her which makes things much easier in the long run as I ensure she and the bathroom are ok. If you don’t fancy it (which i completely understand) why not get some carers in several times a day to take him to the loo.

Also tho my Dad who didn’t have dementia but had severe constipation and sometimes overflow ended up in a right mess some of the time. Are your Dads bowels working ok as this may be exacerbating things.

maybe buy in some wet wipes as these make the cleaning up much easier xx

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

He didn't see it and he didn't do it. Must have been someone else because he would never make a mess like that...

I'm so sorry but there's really no point you or your sister confronting him about this. Dealing with toileting by himself is now a thing of the past and you will have to 1) supervise him and 2) do all the cleaning up.

Incontinence is often a 'line in the sand' for people caring for a person with dementia at home. Sadly, this situation will get worse rather than better, e.g. he may forget to go to the bathroom and urinate/defecate anywhere.

Buy supplies in - lots of bleach, wipes and kylie sheets for the bed, pull-ups for him. And get carers. You may also want to consider looking at care homes...