Hi
Wonder if anyone has any ideas? Dad is 87 and in a care home since last year. Dementia variable day to day as you all understand. He also has severe arthritis causing limited mobility, congestive heart failure and partial renal failure.
My problem is this;my late Moms brother has died and its his funeral next week. Its about 20 miles away and a full catholic service with a burial at another church and then onto a hotel for the wake.
I have said I will go to represent the family and my partner has changed his shifts around to come with me also. One Brother out of two supposed to be attending (coming in my car) but is notoriously unreliable so may not happen.
My problem is this Dad is insisting on coming! He is not up to it mobility wise but the main problem is he has no warning double incontinence! I feel for him wanting to go but I can see him wanting the toilet 5 mins into the service or in my car on way over. For the record he would never, ever wear a pad.
It has become a fixation now with him getting the home to ring me and tell me he is going. I have tried to be polite and say with your kidney problems (not mentioning the number two's!) it will be awkward and also reminding him when we took him out a month ago he felt unwell and wanted to leave after 15 mins.
I changed tactics the next day and said I am not going as its my birthday that day but then he insisted I must go.
The other problem is the home and taken Dads sticks off him as he is unsafe on them now and made me take them home, he is on a zimmer. He often has a tantrum demanding I bring them back and has already said bring them for the funeral-imagine trying to take them off him again.
He also keeps going on about getting his "funeral suit" from the wardrobe in this former house. The house is recently cleared, sold and the said suit was in poor condition and thrown. He knows nothing about the house being sold and I feel so guilty keeping lying when he mentions the suit.
Of course if it was possible to go to just part of the day I could do that but as its so far away and a full service I feel it will be not an option. I went and spoke to the senior carer at the home and she said she would not recommend he goes.
The Brothers are seeing it as a bit of a joke, it will be my little runaround that gets soiled though and not their posh cars.
The one is going to see Dad today and I have asked him to reiterate he cannot go but he has said he will try but Dad is so pig-headed it will be futile.
My stress levels are starting to rise again with it all.
Any suggestions please?
Wonder if anyone has any ideas? Dad is 87 and in a care home since last year. Dementia variable day to day as you all understand. He also has severe arthritis causing limited mobility, congestive heart failure and partial renal failure.
My problem is this;my late Moms brother has died and its his funeral next week. Its about 20 miles away and a full catholic service with a burial at another church and then onto a hotel for the wake.
I have said I will go to represent the family and my partner has changed his shifts around to come with me also. One Brother out of two supposed to be attending (coming in my car) but is notoriously unreliable so may not happen.
My problem is this Dad is insisting on coming! He is not up to it mobility wise but the main problem is he has no warning double incontinence! I feel for him wanting to go but I can see him wanting the toilet 5 mins into the service or in my car on way over. For the record he would never, ever wear a pad.
It has become a fixation now with him getting the home to ring me and tell me he is going. I have tried to be polite and say with your kidney problems (not mentioning the number two's!) it will be awkward and also reminding him when we took him out a month ago he felt unwell and wanted to leave after 15 mins.
I changed tactics the next day and said I am not going as its my birthday that day but then he insisted I must go.
The other problem is the home and taken Dads sticks off him as he is unsafe on them now and made me take them home, he is on a zimmer. He often has a tantrum demanding I bring them back and has already said bring them for the funeral-imagine trying to take them off him again.
He also keeps going on about getting his "funeral suit" from the wardrobe in this former house. The house is recently cleared, sold and the said suit was in poor condition and thrown. He knows nothing about the house being sold and I feel so guilty keeping lying when he mentions the suit.
Of course if it was possible to go to just part of the day I could do that but as its so far away and a full service I feel it will be not an option. I went and spoke to the senior carer at the home and she said she would not recommend he goes.
The Brothers are seeing it as a bit of a joke, it will be my little runaround that gets soiled though and not their posh cars.
The one is going to see Dad today and I have asked him to reiterate he cannot go but he has said he will try but Dad is so pig-headed it will be futile.
My stress levels are starting to rise again with it all.
Any suggestions please?
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