1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Weds 28 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 28 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Dad sadly passed away November 2014 and Mum constantly asks where he is.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by strawberryfair, Jun 27, 2015.

  1. strawberryfair

    strawberryfair Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    3
    My Mum has Altzheimers diagnosed 6 years ago. My Dad passed away November 2014. They were married for 71years. We took her to funeral after breaking the news to her. She cried for a short while and then said "Oh well life has to go on". Then it was forgotten of course and she constantly asks where he is, why does he not come to see her etc. I usually say he's sleeping or she will ask if he is at work and I answer yes. How do others deal with this. She gets so terribly upset and it breaks my heart.
     
  2. stu100

    stu100 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    70
    Birmingham
    Try to just say he is at work or try to talk about something else it's really heard but if u just say he has past away she will get upset


    Stuart
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,115
    Kent
    Hello strawberryfair

    71 years married is very special indeed and it`s no wonder your mum gets so upset when she thinks of your dad.

    I can`t think of any better way to deal with her upset than you are doing already. It`s tough on you I know.
     
  4. Lancashirelady

    Lancashirelady Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    110
    My Dad died almost exactly two years ago. Mum now lives on her own but from time to time tells me she won't lock the door because my dad (or sometimes the others who live in the house, whoever they may be) hasn't come home yet. At first I didn't really know whether to remind her that she was on her own or not but when she stared to refuse meals because she was "waiting for her husband to come home" I felt I had to and still do from time to time. Luckily she has always taken it quite well apart from one occasion recently when her carer told her after she refused anything to eat again - and this time she was absolutely heartbroken. It took ages to calm her down but once calm she completely forgot she had ever been upset. It must be awful for this to happen on a regular basis and I guess you can only deal with it by distracting her and changing the subject, which I think is what I'll be doing in future.
     
  5. strawberryfair

    strawberryfair Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    3
    Thank you all.

    It is wonderful to have support from others who really understand. Thank you .
     
  6. liz56

    liz56 Registered User

    Feb 15, 2015
    34
    North Somerset
    Mum died in November and Dad asked for her constantly for months, and cried off and on all day, every day. In the end he was prescribed anti depressants, and it has really helped. He is more confused as the AD is progressing, but at least he is happier. He still asks for mum, but not so often .
    The dreadful confused grief of someone who doesn't understand or remember that their wife / husband is dead is so hard to deal with.
     

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