Dad sadly passed away November 2014 and Mum constantly asks where he is.

strawberryfair

Registered User
Apr 12, 2013
3
My Mum has Altzheimers diagnosed 6 years ago. My Dad passed away November 2014. They were married for 71years. We took her to funeral after breaking the news to her. She cried for a short while and then said "Oh well life has to go on". Then it was forgotten of course and she constantly asks where he is, why does he not come to see her etc. I usually say he's sleeping or she will ask if he is at work and I answer yes. How do others deal with this. She gets so terribly upset and it breaks my heart.
 

stu100

Registered User
Feb 4, 2015
70
42
Birmingham
Try to just say he is at work or try to talk about something else it's really heard but if u just say he has past away she will get upset


Stuart
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,390
Kent
Hello strawberryfair

71 years married is very special indeed and it`s no wonder your mum gets so upset when she thinks of your dad.

I can`t think of any better way to deal with her upset than you are doing already. It`s tough on you I know.
 

Lancashirelady

Registered User
Oct 7, 2014
110
My Dad died almost exactly two years ago. Mum now lives on her own but from time to time tells me she won't lock the door because my dad (or sometimes the others who live in the house, whoever they may be) hasn't come home yet. At first I didn't really know whether to remind her that she was on her own or not but when she stared to refuse meals because she was "waiting for her husband to come home" I felt I had to and still do from time to time. Luckily she has always taken it quite well apart from one occasion recently when her carer told her after she refused anything to eat again - and this time she was absolutely heartbroken. It took ages to calm her down but once calm she completely forgot she had ever been upset. It must be awful for this to happen on a regular basis and I guess you can only deal with it by distracting her and changing the subject, which I think is what I'll be doing in future.
 

liz56

Registered User
Feb 15, 2015
34
North Somerset
My Mum has Altzheimers diagnosed 6 years ago. My Dad passed away November 2014. They were married for 71years. We took her to funeral after breaking the news to her. She cried for a short while and then said "Oh well life has to go on". Then it was forgotten of course and she constantly asks where he is, why does he not come to see her etc. I usually say he's sleeping or she will ask if he is at work and I answer yes. How do others deal with this. She gets so terribly upset and it breaks my heart.
Mum died in November and Dad asked for her constantly for months, and cried off and on all day, every day. In the end he was prescribed anti depressants, and it has really helped. He is more confused as the AD is progressing, but at least he is happier. He still asks for mum, but not so often .
The dreadful confused grief of someone who doesn't understand or remember that their wife / husband is dead is so hard to deal with.