Hi everyone.
I lost mum to dementia 5 years ago. Dad now 88 has had some dementia for a while but has rapidly advanced this year. He started falling a lot in summer and we got carers in at home. Dad shouted at them a lot, but kind of accepted it. Then he was admitted to hospital with a hernia in September but he hasn't come home yet. He was immediately aggressive on the ward, shouting, wandering, abusive. They realised he was doubly incontinent and was not independent in any aspects of his cares etc and had very poor mobility. So they started process of assessing his needs.
He moved from a ward, to being medically fit for discharge but in a kind of step-down ward (like a care home in hospital). Then they said he ought to go to a rehab care home (which we agreed to as we thought it would help with re-ablement). But since he got in there he has just plummeted. Recently he had a chest infection and that set him back even futher.
As soon as he got in the rehab place the OTs recommended he move to 24hour care and Social workers and OTs put it to him (with my agreement) but he was very angry and refused. So then they assessed him as having capacity (no formal dementia diagnosis but they all agree he has it) even though he was confused. We got all prepared for discharge on 19th December with a maximum care package of 4 visits a day with 2 carers every visit, but he got a chest infection, was very confused and needed hoisting. I thought he might die but he pulled through after 2 lots of antibiotics
They (SWs) now say dad does not have capacity, but that he is still saying he wants to go home, and so they want him to go home. He got very distressed just before Christmas and they put a DOLS in place. I thought that now they are saying he lacks capacity they would decide it is in his best interests for him to go into 24 hour care, but they are still saying for him to go home. He thinks he is at home already, or that home is in Essex where he grew up (we are in Leeds). He is very confused and cannot walk at all unaided, or dress, or do anything for himself. There are no activities where he is, they just get plonked in front of tv but he is profoundly deaf so finds it hard to follow at the best of times. I've tried engaging him in little activities when I visit, but he won't. He is obsessed with the layout of the place, and wants us to wheel him around in his wheelchair to look at the work he's had done in the loft (he thinks he's in his house).
He gets off his chair and crawls about on the floor constantly and so they have assigned him 24hour 1:1 carers.
I can't see how he will manage at home between care visits, and I thought now they are saying he doesn't have capacity they would basically force him to go into care, but the social worker says she won't go against his wishes.
The dementia has come on so fast, I even wonder if some of it could be delerium and maybe he might improve a bit when/if he goes home? But I'm probably being naive? I just feel so stuck. If he does go home I will be the one bearing the brunt of it as we live 3 miles away. I work full time and have 3 kids and youngest is 12 so still got a lot going on anyway.
I'm not sure if anyone will reply but it has helped me just to write this.
I lost mum to dementia 5 years ago. Dad now 88 has had some dementia for a while but has rapidly advanced this year. He started falling a lot in summer and we got carers in at home. Dad shouted at them a lot, but kind of accepted it. Then he was admitted to hospital with a hernia in September but he hasn't come home yet. He was immediately aggressive on the ward, shouting, wandering, abusive. They realised he was doubly incontinent and was not independent in any aspects of his cares etc and had very poor mobility. So they started process of assessing his needs.
He moved from a ward, to being medically fit for discharge but in a kind of step-down ward (like a care home in hospital). Then they said he ought to go to a rehab care home (which we agreed to as we thought it would help with re-ablement). But since he got in there he has just plummeted. Recently he had a chest infection and that set him back even futher.
As soon as he got in the rehab place the OTs recommended he move to 24hour care and Social workers and OTs put it to him (with my agreement) but he was very angry and refused. So then they assessed him as having capacity (no formal dementia diagnosis but they all agree he has it) even though he was confused. We got all prepared for discharge on 19th December with a maximum care package of 4 visits a day with 2 carers every visit, but he got a chest infection, was very confused and needed hoisting. I thought he might die but he pulled through after 2 lots of antibiotics
They (SWs) now say dad does not have capacity, but that he is still saying he wants to go home, and so they want him to go home. He got very distressed just before Christmas and they put a DOLS in place. I thought that now they are saying he lacks capacity they would decide it is in his best interests for him to go into 24 hour care, but they are still saying for him to go home. He thinks he is at home already, or that home is in Essex where he grew up (we are in Leeds). He is very confused and cannot walk at all unaided, or dress, or do anything for himself. There are no activities where he is, they just get plonked in front of tv but he is profoundly deaf so finds it hard to follow at the best of times. I've tried engaging him in little activities when I visit, but he won't. He is obsessed with the layout of the place, and wants us to wheel him around in his wheelchair to look at the work he's had done in the loft (he thinks he's in his house).
He gets off his chair and crawls about on the floor constantly and so they have assigned him 24hour 1:1 carers.
I can't see how he will manage at home between care visits, and I thought now they are saying he doesn't have capacity they would basically force him to go into care, but the social worker says she won't go against his wishes.
The dementia has come on so fast, I even wonder if some of it could be delerium and maybe he might improve a bit when/if he goes home? But I'm probably being naive? I just feel so stuck. If he does go home I will be the one bearing the brunt of it as we live 3 miles away. I work full time and have 3 kids and youngest is 12 so still got a lot going on anyway.
I'm not sure if anyone will reply but it has helped me just to write this.
