Hi everyone
my mum is 82 and was diagnosed with dementia a year ago. She insists there is nothing wrong with her. Her short term memory is quite bad. I do all I can but I get frustrated with my father. My parents are old fashioned, he worked and my mum was a housewife looking after 4 children. My dad had to finish work due to ill health when my mum turned 60. He had bowel Ca and ended up with a ileostomy. My mum has always done everything for him. Since they have both retired they have bickered on and off. She has done things at home her way for years but now he is at home he would do it differently so my mum must have been doing it wrong all this time. I joke with my husband that my dad has driven my mum mad. I do as much as I can, I work full time and have my own family. I clean and go to there home and make sure they are ok, make sure the clothes are washed. I now help my mum with bathing as she forgets to do it. She can still cook but forgets what she is cooking and starts cooking something else. I help with shopping now because she was buying the same things and forgetting to buy what was needed. I am frustrated because my dad gets annoyed that he has to do things. I have explained multiple times that she has dementia and will forget things. It never sinks in, its as though he is choosing to ignore it and looks to me to solve everything. The way he acts sometimes I really think he is jealous that he isn't getting all the attention as before. He shouts and gets annoyed with her and acts like she is doing it on purpose. I take them shopping for input into what they want but he wanders off, leaves it all to my mum and then moans when they get home, that she hasn't bought anything or bought same stuff. I have told him till I am blue in the face that he has to help more , help with picking the shopping but its like talking to a wall. I got meals on wheels, He didn't like them or my mum didn't cook them so they just stayed in freezer. I got M&S fresh meals but he moans about that. My mum doesn't help as she just says she doesn't like anything, Tesco and M&S don't sell anything she likes. I just do the shopping on my own now. He really annoyed me today. I went down to see if they needed anything and I reminded him that I now have a card for his bank account and if they need any shopping, just ring me and I will get it using his card. He didn't like that, apparently my mum is in charge of the shopping. He pays the rent and other stuff and she pays the utilities and shopping with her money. I couldn't believe it. We got into a huge row, he got out his bank statements (AGAIN) and started going on about he has to check 3 things every month and getting angry because I was going to get
shopping with his card. He wasn't listening to a word I was saying. He shouted at my mum because she wasn't defending him, not saying anything. I asked him why he didn't help her cook, or shop or help her wash in the shower. He said it wasn't his job. He always starts shouting ' its always my fault '. I love both my parents but I am ashamed of my dad sometimes, he acts selfishly and like a child who hasn't got his own way. My son who is 13 and wants to be a chef does more for his grandma. If I could get the meal thing sorted it would be better, however my mums lack of appetite and my dads pickiness is a problem.
Any advice would be helpful, Thanks
my mum is 82 and was diagnosed with dementia a year ago. She insists there is nothing wrong with her. Her short term memory is quite bad. I do all I can but I get frustrated with my father. My parents are old fashioned, he worked and my mum was a housewife looking after 4 children. My dad had to finish work due to ill health when my mum turned 60. He had bowel Ca and ended up with a ileostomy. My mum has always done everything for him. Since they have both retired they have bickered on and off. She has done things at home her way for years but now he is at home he would do it differently so my mum must have been doing it wrong all this time. I joke with my husband that my dad has driven my mum mad. I do as much as I can, I work full time and have my own family. I clean and go to there home and make sure they are ok, make sure the clothes are washed. I now help my mum with bathing as she forgets to do it. She can still cook but forgets what she is cooking and starts cooking something else. I help with shopping now because she was buying the same things and forgetting to buy what was needed. I am frustrated because my dad gets annoyed that he has to do things. I have explained multiple times that she has dementia and will forget things. It never sinks in, its as though he is choosing to ignore it and looks to me to solve everything. The way he acts sometimes I really think he is jealous that he isn't getting all the attention as before. He shouts and gets annoyed with her and acts like she is doing it on purpose. I take them shopping for input into what they want but he wanders off, leaves it all to my mum and then moans when they get home, that she hasn't bought anything or bought same stuff. I have told him till I am blue in the face that he has to help more , help with picking the shopping but its like talking to a wall. I got meals on wheels, He didn't like them or my mum didn't cook them so they just stayed in freezer. I got M&S fresh meals but he moans about that. My mum doesn't help as she just says she doesn't like anything, Tesco and M&S don't sell anything she likes. I just do the shopping on my own now. He really annoyed me today. I went down to see if they needed anything and I reminded him that I now have a card for his bank account and if they need any shopping, just ring me and I will get it using his card. He didn't like that, apparently my mum is in charge of the shopping. He pays the rent and other stuff and she pays the utilities and shopping with her money. I couldn't believe it. We got into a huge row, he got out his bank statements (AGAIN) and started going on about he has to check 3 things every month and getting angry because I was going to get
shopping with his card. He wasn't listening to a word I was saying. He shouted at my mum because she wasn't defending him, not saying anything. I asked him why he didn't help her cook, or shop or help her wash in the shower. He said it wasn't his job. He always starts shouting ' its always my fault '. I love both my parents but I am ashamed of my dad sometimes, he acts selfishly and like a child who hasn't got his own way. My son who is 13 and wants to be a chef does more for his grandma. If I could get the meal thing sorted it would be better, however my mums lack of appetite and my dads pickiness is a problem.
Any advice would be helpful, Thanks
