Dad in NHS care home can I get copy of his assessment

[clio]

Hi

Dads been in council care home for 2 weeks now, on the last visit I was there I could tell he'd been crying. He later said" I want to go home" this is the most put together sentence I've heard him say in over a year.

My step mum was there and she just seemed to ignore it! It was her decision to put him there alone, we just got told.

Is it possible to get a copy of his LA assessment? Without step mum nothing?

We want to know how much it is per week, and if dad is paying anything towards it.
It's not what I'd put him in, and there's this really disruptive/abusive lady on his floor(who even frightens me, when she comes over to me shouting)

 

[Jessbow]

With all due respect, unless you have POA your step mother Is quite entitled to keep his/her finances private.

He may not have had a LA Assessment, she might just have asked for a place, got one and be paying the full fees

 

[Beate]

Let me be blunt. Do you have any form of POA? If not, it seems quite underhand to go behind your Stepmum's back. I'm sure she had her reasons - have you ever talked to her about it? And why do you need to know about their finances? I can't see how they are any of your business.

I fear that you don't know enough about the realities of dementia to be able to judge. For a start, most people in a care home say they want to go home. They might not necessarily mean their old home but their childhood home or a general place of safety. Having dementia can be frightening for people, but it's not the care home's fault. Two weeks is no time at all to get settled - you really have to give it more time. Your Stepmum most likely tried to distract him from it, which is the correct thing to do.

Some people with dementia are aggressive, which is another reality of dementia. They need a place to stay too, but if that lady frightens you, ask that some staff distract her away from you and your Dad. Of course the staff have a responsibility to ensure everyone is safe, and if you think they are not doing that or you have other grave concerns, talk to them. But not just because you feel your Dad shouldn't be in a home and you should have been asked, and you don't like some of the residents. It's about his best interests, not yours.

 

[Katrine]

Hi Clio. When you posted 3 years ago your stepmother was struggling, so I guess things haven't been easy for her. She must have decided that your dad needed more care than a wife can manage to provide at home. It was IMO a brave decision and a lonely one. It was her decision to make.

If your dad is being LA funded he will also be making a financial contribution to his care. If the NHS is paying on health grounds then he may not have to pay anything. His financial assessment is strictly confidential. Your stepmother can choose to discuss it with you but really their financial affairs are private to them as a couple.

If you are thinking of offering to pay a top-up this might increase the choice of CH that could take him. However, there are shouty and bewildered folk in every CH. You could find him what you think is the very the best place but there is always a turnover of both residents and staff, so nothing is ever perfect.

 

[Kevinl]

In part, possibly you can guess the answer. If his wife is living in their house then it is disregarded, if he has personal assets under £13k the LA will fund but take his pension and benefits, £13 to £23k the LA will assist with the funding and over £23k he'll be self funding, roughly speaking. You must have some idea where he fits into this moneywise.
In another thread you said "My step mum is at the end of her tether with it as she is at the forefront of his anger." it makes the difficult decision to put someone in care if that's the situation she was living with before.
K

 

[clio]

Hi
Thank you for some of your replies.

Before any of you slag me off you really don't know the whole story

I realise s mum must of had enough, and I'm under no illusions of how hard it is to look after dad. I have been there/hospital/home so I do have some idea of the difficulties.
Very hard work.

S mum as no difficulty buying things for herself, 16 reg car, holiday to Australia electric garage doors, solar panels, Yet she moans of taxi to take dad to centre£20 not that he'd know he was there as he's asleep most of the time.Second hand clothes for him.

She didn't have decency to ask us about dads care, we got told.

I only wanted to see LA report to see if there was any other homes same price, nearer etc, but I do understand that there her finances now.

 

[Jessbow]

no one intended to slag you off in any way. just reality really.

it does sound as though you don't have the best of relationships with her.
I appreciate he is your dad, and it IS hard. Chances are if here is money around for such luxuries, he is self funding

 

[Beate]

I don't believe anyone's "slagged you off", but sorry if you feel that way. But likewise, your Stepmum isn't getting the best press from you, with no possibility to defend herself here.

If there are any homes nearer for the same price, it doesn't automatically make them the better choice. Quality of care is what matters. It is incredibly difficult to find a good care home, with a lot of factors to consider.

I look after my OH. His 4 adult children are disinterested in his care, so I have POA, and if I ever decide that a care home is the best option, I will tell them, not ask them as it's not their choice to make. We all have our own situation and our own perspective, and it needs pointing out sometimes that different perspectives exist.

 

[Katrine]

1. S mum as no difficulty buying things for herself, 16 reg car, holiday to Australia electric garage doors, solar panels,
2. Yet she moans of taxi to take dad to centre£20 not that he'd know he was there as he's asleep most of the time.
3.Second hand clothes for him.
4. She didn't have decency to ask us about dads care.
5. I only wanted to see LA report to see if there was any other homes same price, nearer etc.

Hi again Clio. I've numbered some points from your post so that I can give specific responses if I may.

1. I think you are suggesting that step-mum doesn't want to pay for the best for your dad, while spending their/his money on herself. It is possible that in all those years of caring for your dad at home things like home improvements and replacing the car weren't achievable. Ditto a long-distance holiday. In themselves these are not extravagances, it's just that you feel your dad is getting a raw deal in comparison.

2. £20 per session just for a taxi is a lot of money IMO. Does he still go to day centre, or was that before he became resident in the NH?

3. In my admittedly limited experience, older people don't like wearing new clothes. They like familiar styles, colours and textures. While I buy new underwear and shoes for my MIL, 50% of the clothes I buy for her are pre-worn. I aim to get clothes that she will think are her old favourites. We like seeing her in smart new clothes, but she doesn't. Trust me, a NH laundry will make any new clothes look second-hand PDQ.

4. Ideally, how would you like to have helped with that difficult decision? Would you have done the legwork visiting homes and making phone calls? The one thing you couldn't do is decide on when it was time for residential care; only his wife could do that. Therefore in a sense it would always have been a 'tell' situation, rather than a consultation.

5. It's not too late to find out more by yourself, either to become more satisfied with her choice or to discover potential alternatives. Room costs are not a secret. You can ring and make enquiries. Good homes have waiting lists. It's not always possible to get a place in your top preference CH/NH. However, getting on to a waiting list doesn't cost anything. It's something you could suggest to your step-mum.

P.S. Your original post in 2013 indicated that your dad had challenging behaviour. Unless he's now a pussycat then I would think the choice of NHs that can meet his needs will be limited.