Dad Goes Into Residential Care

Lady

Registered User
Jul 5, 2005
12
Ireland
Well had a brilliant holiday, but came back to chaos.
Dad went down-hill so fast while we were away and he was in respite.
Dad is now totally doubly in-continent, and wears a nappy at all times, his speech is totally in-comprehensible, and his swallow has gotten very bad, resulting in him being only able to eat pureed food from a spoon, his gait has become very bad and he is barely able to walk. The respite center told me that he only slept three of the fourteen nights that he was there, and they had to assign a nurse solely for his care 24/7. They were amazed that we were still caring for him at home, and said that they had never seen a patient cared for at home with such severe AD. We got together as a family on Friday last after having no sleep for 5 nights and decided that the kindest thing for everyone was to arrange residential care. The nursing home which we had looking after dad on the rare ocassions when we needed space would not take him as they don't take residential AD patients, but the matron there was very helpful and put us in touch with a long term care facility who were willing to take dad immediately once we had a recent medical cert from his GP. Got everything sorted on Friday evening and drove out to visit the home, and was very impressed, Dad became a resident there at 12 noon to-day.
Have phoned the home 3 times since, and they tell me that he has settled in well, at nine pm when I phoned I was told that he had asked to go to bed at 8.45, and was fast asleep, first time since we collected him on Sunday evening Last.
I hope he will be happy there, I have every confidence that he will be very well cared for, but I am feeling very sad tonight, and a little bit like I have failed him. We are still fighting with the health services, hoping to get financial help from them, there is enough money in the kitty to keep dad in care for 9 weeks, so hopefully something will be sorted out before the well runs dry.
As for all of us, we are just taking one day at a time, and hoping and praying.
 

Kathleen

Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
639
66
West Sussex
Dear Lady

Thinking of you. I understand when you say you feel a little like you have failed your Dad, but you will have a much easier time now,you will not be so tired and anxious and that will make for a different relationship with your Dad,less stressed and much more relaxed.

When Mum first went into a care home, it felt like I was handing over my most precious thing into the hands of strangers and I was so worried for her, but it was the best I could do at the time as my Dad was dying and I now know it was the best decision for her and us.

Mum has now moved to a secure home to stop the walkabouts and again I felt awful, but she is in a bubble of her own and seems very content and relaxed. I enjoy visiting her and know she is always with professionals and fellow sufferers who are in tune with each other most of the time.

I do sometimes wonder how we would have managed her at home, but in my heart I am sure there would have been times when I would be frustrated and cross with her as this disease saps everyones energy and patience sometimes.
Having Mum looked after is a huge financial strain, but emotionally it gives us quality time together and we still have a bond that nothing will ever break.

My very best wishes to you and your Dad

Kathleen