Hello, first post here and I’m struggling with dad, 90, with Alzheimer’s and his increasing paranoia about me and increasingly my husband too.
After several bad falls, awful stays in hospital and falling for several large scams, he now has a live in carer and I have POA for property and finance.
He hadn’t been paying bills on time, had cancelled insurances, lost a lot of money in very obvious frauds and I really had to take over all his bills and investments. He now has one account and debit card he can use, and the rest he needs me to be with him in branch. He used to be so fastidious about his banking and bills.
But now he cannot remember his PIN, has never used online banking, can’t remember telephone banking passwords or hear on the phone well, and so only uses his card to take out cash over the counter, to pay the last two bills/services that take cash. Everything else I do online or his carer does with her shopping card, usually with him.
He gave me POA years ago, so keen to set it up that he dragged me across town with a very young baby to do it, and we registered it when his dementia was confirmed.
I visit atleast twice a week, I take him annotated bank statements, receipts, email copies of any transactions I make, go through his accounts and print off extra statements whenever he asks, but he seems to have lost his grasp on the value of money.
Things that now cost £100 in his mind should still be £10 . We find cash and lost bank cards and bank books turning up in the most unlikely places.
Recently I realised quite how much cash he was holding at home, and that he wasn’t really aware where it was, so with him did a treasure hunt, counted it together and went together to the bank to pay it in to his book account. He seemed happy he’d be earning interest and how much we’d found.
Today, upon visiting, I was very angrily told my husband had come and persuaded him to invest this money and he was refusing to give it back to dad! Carer then confided that he’d been so distressed the day before this story he’d been trying to call solicitors to make appointments about this. He hasn’t seen my husband for months, and he’s never been involved in dad’s finances beyond listening to my moaning when I get home.
My visits now solely seem to consist of trying to calm and reassure dad’s latest paranoia, going through pages of bank statements again, before going home to the next time. I’ve told him any time he’s worried about something like that, he can call, or ask the carer to, and I’ll come over, rather than leaving him to worry and panic more.
I’m so tired and hurt of being constantly accused. Distraction doesn’t work, yet.
I guess the scams and losing lots of money before diagnosis are constantly playing on his mind and he’s filling the blanks.
After several bad falls, awful stays in hospital and falling for several large scams, he now has a live in carer and I have POA for property and finance.
He hadn’t been paying bills on time, had cancelled insurances, lost a lot of money in very obvious frauds and I really had to take over all his bills and investments. He now has one account and debit card he can use, and the rest he needs me to be with him in branch. He used to be so fastidious about his banking and bills.
But now he cannot remember his PIN, has never used online banking, can’t remember telephone banking passwords or hear on the phone well, and so only uses his card to take out cash over the counter, to pay the last two bills/services that take cash. Everything else I do online or his carer does with her shopping card, usually with him.
He gave me POA years ago, so keen to set it up that he dragged me across town with a very young baby to do it, and we registered it when his dementia was confirmed.
I visit atleast twice a week, I take him annotated bank statements, receipts, email copies of any transactions I make, go through his accounts and print off extra statements whenever he asks, but he seems to have lost his grasp on the value of money.
Things that now cost £100 in his mind should still be £10 . We find cash and lost bank cards and bank books turning up in the most unlikely places.
Recently I realised quite how much cash he was holding at home, and that he wasn’t really aware where it was, so with him did a treasure hunt, counted it together and went together to the bank to pay it in to his book account. He seemed happy he’d be earning interest and how much we’d found.
Today, upon visiting, I was very angrily told my husband had come and persuaded him to invest this money and he was refusing to give it back to dad! Carer then confided that he’d been so distressed the day before this story he’d been trying to call solicitors to make appointments about this. He hasn’t seen my husband for months, and he’s never been involved in dad’s finances beyond listening to my moaning when I get home.
My visits now solely seem to consist of trying to calm and reassure dad’s latest paranoia, going through pages of bank statements again, before going home to the next time. I’ve told him any time he’s worried about something like that, he can call, or ask the carer to, and I’ll come over, rather than leaving him to worry and panic more.
I’m so tired and hurt of being constantly accused. Distraction doesn’t work, yet.
I guess the scams and losing lots of money before diagnosis are constantly playing on his mind and he’s filling the blanks.
