Hi I am new, my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in November. I am struggling at appointments as I just keep bursting into tears which upsets my Mum. It happened today. I just want to be supportive and strong (which I think i am normally) but my crying is just not helping! Is it just me? Any tips on staying in control?
Crying at appointments
- Thread starter Sparkie12
- Start date
Hello @Sparkie12, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.
I know I often feel like crying when attending appointments with my wife. Dementia is just so devastating. However, as you have already noticed, a person with dementia will quickly focus on negative feelings so I just take a few deep breaths and find that that helps. I cry when I'm alone.
While you are here, I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc.
Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
I know I often feel like crying when attending appointments with my wife. Dementia is just so devastating. However, as you have already noticed, a person with dementia will quickly focus on negative feelings so I just take a few deep breaths and find that that helps. I cry when I'm alone.
While you are here, I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc.
Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
Hello @Sparkie12 .. Try not to worry too much about tears at appointments it’s only natural, your worried and emotional about your mum. I have cried quite a few times when at appts with for husband and maybe we have been lucky the GP ‘s etc have always been supportive and yes a good deep breath as @karaokePete suggests often works...thinking of you A x
Hello Sparkle, I share this problem with you. I can't speak to anyone without crying, I'm pathetic, it's awful. Yesterday was our first visit to the doctor and he has referred my husband to memory clinic. I had to ask doctor for help for myself as I am not coping well, not sleeping and crying, both of which are totally not me. I was offered sleeping pills which I refused , and help from a therapist which I agreed to. I know I need help to pull myself together as this is going to be a long journey. So really I empathise with you and know the pain you feel, I too fear the future. There is only my husband and me, I've no family and few friends. Friends can chat with you but no one really understands your fears and hurt and the practicalities while dealing on a day to day basis with someone who is difficult to manage and has little communication due to their illness. I wish I could offer you help and advice, I can't as it's all new to me, I can only say you are not alone in your reactions . I wish you well and hope we all manage to cope with our horrible situation. XXXX Francy
Hi Sparkle
Good to have you here - I have found the support and advice a fantastic help in this journey with my Mums Alzheimers.
You are not alone. I have always cried easily and often burst into tears about the situation - and in front of medical staff and social services. But this does not mean that I am weak - I cry because I feel the pain so much and I reckon some of us are just wired that way. Once the tears are out I can then clear my head to focus on what needs to be done.
These are not tears of self-pity they are tears that come from a place of deep love and sadness- I try not to don't judge myself anymore for it.
We are stronger than we think - and with help and support you will get through. The tears are your way of coping. Its easy for others to say try not to do it in front of your Mum - sometines it just overwhelms.
Look after yourself and keep sharing how you feel. That helps me enormously.
Sending a huge hug.
Good to have you here - I have found the support and advice a fantastic help in this journey with my Mums Alzheimers.
You are not alone. I have always cried easily and often burst into tears about the situation - and in front of medical staff and social services. But this does not mean that I am weak - I cry because I feel the pain so much and I reckon some of us are just wired that way. Once the tears are out I can then clear my head to focus on what needs to be done.
These are not tears of self-pity they are tears that come from a place of deep love and sadness- I try not to don't judge myself anymore for it.
We are stronger than we think - and with help and support you will get through. The tears are your way of coping. Its easy for others to say try not to do it in front of your Mum - sometines it just overwhelms.
Look after yourself and keep sharing how you feel. That helps me enormously.
Sending a huge hug.
In the early years I cried a lot especially when people were nice to me or sympathetic. I rarely cry now we are seven years down the road even though I have good reason at times to cry. I think you toughen up almost by necessity because we can only handle so much. Please be open to taking all the help you can get and in whatever way you can, find some meaning in your own life. It is so easy to let the other persons dementia take over your life.
Hi @Sparkie12 and welcome to the forum.
I think it’s quite natural to feel as you do and I don’t think it’s self pity and I don’t think it means you’re not strong.
I still find it very difficult when people are nice or sympathetic to me and I cry easily and I never did toughen up. Over the years I tried Rescue Remedy etc but I don’t think it helped. I just accept now that this is the way I am.
I think it’s no bad thing that people see how this is affecting you.
I think it’s quite natural to feel as you do and I don’t think it’s self pity and I don’t think it means you’re not strong.
I still find it very difficult when people are nice or sympathetic to me and I cry easily and I never did toughen up. Over the years I tried Rescue Remedy etc but I don’t think it helped. I just accept now that this is the way I am.
I think it’s no bad thing that people see how this is affecting you.
I`m another who finds it impossible to control the tears in emotional situations.
When my husband was alive we cried together. I cried for him, not for myself.
I think there are different types of tears. Tears of sorrow and sadness and tears when something sentimental and beautiful touches our hearts.
When my husband was alive we cried together. I cried for him, not for myself.
I think there are different types of tears. Tears of sorrow and sadness and tears when something sentimental and beautiful touches our hearts.
I too am having the same problem. I'm not normally prone to tears, now they come as soon as I speak to anyone about JH's illness or if anyone shows me care or kindness. My tears are fear, sadness and unbearable pain at watching my lovely husband disappear and struggle with what is happening to him and yes I admit also self pity as coping with him daily is difficult ,he is difficult so there is a big mixture of grief and pain . I too need to get control and my doctor is getting me CBT, better than drugs. I wish I could offer you advise, I cannot , I can only say you are not alone and don't beat yourself up, look at it as a coping mechanism. I also think we need adjustment time, my husband is awaiting appointment for memory clinic and as yet does not have a diagnosis. XXXX Francy
