Crunch time approaching.

[Pross]

It's becoming increasingly difficult to look after PJ at home. Received wisdom is that I should think very seriously about putting him into long term care. A small part of me leaps with joy at the thought of no longer being the one in charge and responsible for every aspect of his well being. And at the thought of a good nights sleep. But emotionally I don't think I can do it. It feels too much like betrayal and abandonment. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.

 

[rajahh]

This is where I am too. Although I am a bit further on than you as Gordon's name is on a nursing home, and I wait each day for a phone call.

It is slightly different for me as Gordon is also terminally ill with prostate cancer, and this nursing home offers palliative care alongside dementia care.

Part of me can't wait, and part of me dreads it.

I thought it was going to be quite quick as the manager said he would prioritise Gordon, abd when I rang after 3 weeks I was told Gordon was in fact 3rd on the list.

I was actually relieved as it meant I could relax about phone calls, and even contemplate nursing him at home until he actually dies.

However it really is getting so difficult, not physically but with the dementia and I really am looking forward to not being responsible for him 24 hours a day.

I have Hospice at home coming on Thursday to assess but I really hope I get a phone call before then from the home. It is now 2 months since his name was put down.

This has turned out to be all about me, but wll I really wanted to say was I do understand, it is as you say between a rock and a hard place.

I take heart from what others have said though they when you visit it is quality time instead of you being exhausted byu all the caring through the day and night.

It is not easy Pross, but others on here have done it and are in the main positive about it

Jeannette

 

[benjie]

Hi Pross,

I know exactly where you are. I've only just got through that phase although the decision was basically taken out of my hands. Hubby was taken into hospital for medication reassessment and after 2 months (he'd been sectioned or he would never have gone) they decided that the best way forward was CH, so I found the best one I could for him. Nevertheless it was still heart breaking.

He has been in CH for nearly 2 months and I can see a change already and he has had other visitors rather than family which wouldn't have happened if he'd stayed home. Don't get me wrong, even yesterday I was breaking my heart - I'd found old letters and postcards from our early times together (he used to travel abroad a lot).

Some days are good, most so far haven't been but I know it will get easier because I'll be getting stronger and I'll still be able to care for him in so many other ways - especially being able to show my love for him - If that's all I can do for him then I'm happy. In fact I now wear his wedding ring (instead of leaving it in a box) as it was always slipping off his finger.

Lots of hugs and give yourself a big hug - you deserve one

Benjie