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Credit Card spending out of control

fromnz123

Registered User
Aug 2, 2019
47
UK
When I checked our credit card balance today it was over £1400 in a month, I knew about £700 for new tyres for the car and balance on bathroom window, but the rest were 52 payments made to Paypal for his"CD collection" and alcohol. For a man that sits all day in front of the tv he's managing to spend a lot of money.

I tried to tackle the subject in a calm way, about the spending and it can't carry on at this level, this has now been going on for about 5 months. So he then stomps off accusing me of being a "moving wife" and that he needs to "find a flat to live on his own", and off he went to bed.

Well that went well, at least I can watch what I want on tv !!!!
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,559
When I checked our credit card balance today it was over £1400 in a month, I knew about £700 for new tyres for the car and balance on bathroom window, but the rest were 52 payments made to Paypal for his"CD collection" and alcohol. For a man that sits all day in front of the tv he's managing to spend a lot of money.

I tried to tackle the subject in a calm way, about the spending and it can't carry on at this level, this has now been going on for about 5 months. So he then stomps off accusing me of being a "moving wife" and that he needs to "find a flat to live on his own", and off he went to bed.

Well that went well, at least I can watch what I want on tv !!!!
Would it not be possible for his card to go missing for a while?
 

Gorgeous Gail

Registered User
Apr 17, 2020
76
Oh dear, that's not good - if the credit card is in your name, you could cancel his card, however it would be more difficult if it was in his name. As mentioned, the other option is to amend the paypal details.

It's interesting that you say your OH says he wants his own place to live, my OH says that every time we have a disagreement, saying he wants me to sell the house and give him his half then he can live on his own. Not sure how your OH would cope on his own but mine would certainly end up in a home or with carers if i wasn't here to care for him!

Good luck with trying to curb the spending.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,134
Short-term solution, could you disable the wifi, at least on whichever computer or mobile that he is using. If that fails change the wifi password on the main router so he can't get in and blame the provider or unplug the router and say it has died, blaming the provider again.

I don't know what else to say but my dad was always switching the wifi off on his laptop because the switch had a little light on and he always turned off lights so I was always fixing it. It took me a while to figure out what he was doing.

Always shift the blame somewhere else. Wifi provider or it could be the new 5G mast in town, anything you can think of that does not involve you.
 

fromnz123

Registered User
Aug 2, 2019
47
UK
Hi thank you for replies, he’s not enough down the dementia road that these things would work.
I got into his PayPal account and he’s also got our current account linked , if I unlinked he cards . He’d be able to reinstate them,and disabling the WiFi would probably only work for about a day.

I know from caring for my mum with dementia that some things get easier to manage as the condition gets worse.

I need the GP to take my concerns about his behaviours seriously.
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,559
Does he remember he has the new CDs. Is it possible to keep the packaging and return them ?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,894
South coast
You need to do something to protect your finances
Try turning off the wifi on his device, then changing the wifi password before switching the router off. Thats a lot of steps for him and you may find that it is too many. Alternatively, you could go into the broadband providers account and block ebay as a site. I had to do a similar thing when OH was accessing porn sites. I was amazed that he didnt work out what had happened, you may well find that he is not as capable as you think. I was constantly amazed when I found he could no longer do things.
 

fromnz123

Registered User
Aug 2, 2019
47
UK
Does he remember he has the new CDs. Is it possible to keep the packaging and return them ?
Yes he’s created an entire corner in the lounge with them has also been buying cd racks.
I suggested subscribing to Spotify so that he could have access to whatever he wanted to listen to. But apparently it’s not the same as having a stash of cd’s .
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,559
Ok one last idea and I think @nitram will be able to help with this one. You split your account into two separate accounts in individual names . This means that his spending only reduces his assets and if care is needed later on only his account will be taken into account. Probably this won't work either if like me most of your income comes from his pension !
 
Last edited:

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
21,249
North Manchester
You split your account into two separate accounts in individual names . This means that his spending only reduces his assets and if care is needed later on only his account will be taken into account.
Basically correct.
Care has to be taken in how it's done.

  • Open new account in your name.
  • Transfer 50% of joint account into this new account.
  • Change joint account to sole in his name, both of you will have to sign.
  • Sort out linking of current accounts to any savings accounts.
  • Any credit cards are probably in one of your names with the other as additional holder, sort this out so that you have individual cards. Make sure if debit cleared monthly they are linked to correct account.
  • This leaves the problem of how to fairly proportion all joint living expenses.
 

fromnz123

Registered User
Aug 2, 2019
47
UK
Oh dear, that's not good - if the credit card is in your name, you could cancel his card, however it would be more difficult if it was in his name. As mentioned, the other option is to amend the paypal details.

It's interesting that you say your OH says he wants his own place to live, my OH says that every time we have a disagreement, saying he wants me to sell the house and give him his half then he can live on his own. Not sure how your OH would cope on his own but mine would certainly end up in a home or with carers if i wasn't here to care for him!

Good luck with trying to curb the spending.
Hi Gorgeous Gail , oh yes selling the house and splitting the money comes up often whenever I try to have a discussion about anything within seconds he stomps off saying he’d be better off living on his own. My reply now is if that’s what he wants he will have to make it happen!! But as he never leaves the house, and just sits and watches tv all day or on the computer there’s a fat chance of it happening!!
 

Gorgeous Gail

Registered User
Apr 17, 2020
76
Hi Gorgeous Gail , oh yes selling the house and splitting the money comes up often whenever I try to have a discussion about anything within seconds he stomps off saying he’d be better off living on his own. My reply now is if that’s what he wants he will have to make it happen!! But as he never leaves the house, and just sits and watches tv all day or on the computer there’s a fat chance of it happening!!
Ha ha - you could be talking about my OH!! When he says it I just tell him to get the Estate Agent round to value the house. So far he hasn't!!
 

MalcW

Registered User
Jul 3, 2020
11
Just a thought. Do you have a financial LPA in place? If so, you have total control over all things financial. Also, to my knowledge, it is possible to put spending limits on credit cards and Paypal accounts.