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Constant phone calls

Annie56

Registered User
Feb 8, 2009
8
0
Cirencester
I wonder if anyone can help me please? I care for Mum who lives nearby. She needs help with all meals, hygiene, and general confusion and as I am on holiday I am round there 4 - 5 times per day. My problem is that when I go home she then phones me constantly - I can have 20+ calls a day all of them repeating themselves. She doesn't remember she's phoned me and doesn't remember my answer to her question (e.g. "what time do we go to bed", "am I watching the right TV channel"?). I try to reassure her and tell her the next time I'll be around but of course she doesn't remember. On Sunday I lost it with her as I had spent all afternoon taking her out to a garden centre and visiting Dad (he has end-stage demetia and is in a local nursing home) and in the one hour to myself before going to help with tea she phoned 8 times. I feel awful and know that when I go back to work as a teacher in September I need to spend my evening marking and preparing lessons and I will not be able to cope with constant phone calls. Does anyone know if it is possible to divert her calls for a couple of hours in the evening to my brother? Or does anyone have another suggestion please?
 

faithy

Registered User
Jul 31, 2013
61
0
Worcester, Massachusetts
Been there - Still Am

my husband Tom is in a NH - he used to call me 10-12 times at work, and in the middle of the night - he didn't realize he was calling me so much. I have a great boss and crew, been there 17 years, and they knew Tom when he was "Tom" so phone call aren't a problem with them - Just me:) I also get the middle of the night ones - which scare me to death, because I think he is ill. I have been going through this for almost 7 years, and yes they are very frustrating to say the least, but he has calmed down a lot..sometimes I get one a day now. Hang in there - your in the right place!
 

faithy

Registered User
Jul 31, 2013
61
0
Worcester, Massachusetts
I wonder if anyone can help me please? I care for Mum who lives nearby. She needs help with all meals, hygiene, and general confusion and as I am on holiday I am round there 4 - 5 times per day. My problem is that when I go home she then phones me constantly - I can have 20+ calls a day all of them repeating themselves. She doesn't remember she's phoned me and doesn't remember my answer to her question (e.g. "what time do we go to bed", "am I watching the right TV channel"?). I try to reassure her and tell her the next time I'll be around but of course she doesn't remember. On Sunday I lost it with her as I had spent all afternoon taking her out to a garden centre and visiting Dad (he has end-stage demetia and is in a local nursing home) and in the one hour to myself before going to help with tea she phoned 8 times. I feel awful and know that when I go back to work as a teacher in September I need to spend my evening marking and preparing lessons and I will not be able to cope with constant phone calls. Does anyone know if it is possible to divert her calls for a couple of hours in the evening to my brother? Or does anyone have another suggestion please?

Nothing helps, I am sorry to say, and I have tried everything:( You right, they don't remember and they cannot help it, but we are only human, at least you have your brother to help you out
 

256ady

Registered User
Feb 13, 2012
12
0
I had the same problem with caring for my mum remotely. calls in the middle of the night and repetitive calls every 10 minutes. My approach was to unplug all her phones and tell her there was a problem with the line and it would be sorted in a few days. As i went round every day anyway there was plenty of opportunity to check she was ok. The added benefit was also that she couldnt receive nuisiance calls which wound her up. I appreciate that this might not be for everyone but it worked a treat for me.
 

Annie56

Registered User
Feb 8, 2009
8
0
Cirencester
Thank you for all your help and advice. It just helps so much to know others have the same problem and I will certainly contact BT. I had considered unplugging the phone but wasn't sure what to tell Mum - the broken line is a great idea - thanks so much for all your help :)
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
Just be careful in cutting her off in case she needs help with falls or fires.

I have all kind of emergency calls in between the abusive/repetitive ones.

You can link her up to the Age Concern Alarm which she wears around her neck and they will be called. If you are not available they will call the emergency services. If she has a key box the emergency services will have the code and they can get it. That way you know she is safe.
 

Jaycee23

Registered User
Jan 6, 2011
383
0
uk
You could always just unplug yours and say to her that your phone has been acting up and they are looking into it and just unplug for them few hours you want some peace.

Thank you for all your help and advice. It just helps so much to know others have the same problem and I will certainly contact BT. I had considered unplugging the phone but wasn't sure what to tell Mum - the broken line is a great idea - thanks so much for all your help :)
 

Aquamanda

Registered User
Jan 8, 2012
225
0
My mother can ring a lot as well. She did start to ring occasionally in the middle of the night which really scared me, so I started switching our phones off at night for a while; she has not rung in the night since. When you have a busy day or evening could you turn your phone on to answerphone with the ringer on silent and the volume on silent? Again, that is something we have done to get some relief when the calls were constant. The good thing is that this won't stress your mother out too much as she would not ring you all the time if she did not have memory loss, so she will quickly forget if she finds it frustrating that she can't get through. And by having the answerphone you can listen to any important messages and make sure other people have a mobile number for you.
 

zeeeb

Registered User
I think you can only make sure that she has availability to the emergency numbers, and alternative numbers (any other family members) with big notes stuck up near the phone, and turn your phone off. You need to also look after yourself, and you will obviously also need to still make a living to pay your bills, you can't be on call 24/7 if that means you will be called on every single hour of the day.
 

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