1. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    and the problem of being a ‘mod’

    Brucie asked me the other day how Lionel and I were. I replied “very well, and compared to this time last year, brilliant”

    Not quite true. Yes he is super. Very relaxed, well cared for and is very happy in the Care Home………………Me, trying to come to terms with that fact that the man I love, the man I have cared for 24/7 for the past five years, is now being looked after by others. I find it so, so hard to say ‘goodbye’ each time I leave him, especially when he says “but hurry back”. Mobility gone, not his mind..

    As for being a ‘mod’…….I apologise if I have not been so much in evidence on the board, or if my comments have appeared a little terse at times. We are all only human, and it’s hard being a ‘mod’ when you are carrying so much emotional baggage

    Belated “Happy New Year” to all..
  2. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    North East
    Hi Connie

    So glad to hear that Lionel is being well looked after and happy, but sorry that you're finding it so hard to adapt.

    Was it harder caring for him 24/7, or is it harder visiting him in the home?

    I have to say that I can't ever remember reading a terse comment from you and I totally understand about the emotional baggage - I haven't posted much recently - too many other things on my mind.

    Take care Connie

  3. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Hello Connie

    You sound so low today, I am sorry.

    I know how I feel when Mum is having a sad day and looks so lost and vulnerable when I leave her.

    Thinking of you.

  4. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Dear Connie
    made me so sad reading your posting.
    I do know how you feel and I dread the time, which is not too far away when I will be faced with the same problem.
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Connie, You have no need to apologise for anything. `Mod` or not, you have endured a dramatic change in your life and are entitled to your own feelings and emotions.
    I feel I should apologise to you. Because you always sound so grounded and calm; when Lionel first became a resident in his Care Home, you may not have been given the consideration you show others.
    I hope the adjustment doesn`t remain so difficult for much longer.
    Take care, love Sylvia x
  6. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi connie,

    so sorry your feeling a bit low, my mum is in a dementia hospital and begs us to take her home when we leave she evens offers to pay the cab fare.
    it breaks my heart everytime and i'l never get used to it.
    your entitled to your feelings, and no apology is needed.
    you may be a moderator but your a human being first and a nice one at that.
    take care x
  7. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    Connie, no apologies needed: you have been coping for so long ..... this latest change must be terribly hard for you. It reflects the 'no win situation' we are all in: very little hope, no cure, and the stress of caring and juggling 24/7 wears us out, but the alternative does not give us any relief or joy either ............... :(

    I hope you can draw some comfort from the fact that at least Lionel is happy and well cared for. This doesn't help your loneliness, I know ............

    Hugs and best wishes!
  8. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Dear Connie
    Theres no need to apologise and i certainly haven't noticed any terse replies......you have always been so supportive to others.

    I can only begin to imagine the pain involved in looking after a partner/spouse........ and then reaching the point where residential care is the only option left.The loneliness and sadness must be so hard to bear.

    Please take care......and one of these days I'm going to send you one of those "Connie " hugs........when I've worked out how to do it:eek:

    Love Wendy xx

    ROSEANN Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    Dear Connie
    Sorry you are feeling low and hope you soon feel better.
    I am fairly new to this site but I always feel better when I come across a thread from you and see your lovely smile at the top of the page.
    So keep that smile going because you have nothing to apologise for.
    Love and hugs coming your way
  10. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    Ditto all of the above.

    Your posts are always caring and kind.

    .....anyway, we are all entitled to our "off" days..I certainly have had rather a lot lately!!!....:)

    Thanks for all the help and advice I have read in all your posts.

    Keep smiling that wonderful smile....:D


  11. Jann

    Jann Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    tingewick, bucks.
    Dear Connie,

    How I feel for you. You are only human and a super human at that. You have given Lionel such complete devotion and care over the years. I am only just beginning to comprehend myself how heartbreaking it is to reach this stage. Stay strong.

    Sending you lots of love and hugs.
    Jan x
  12. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    super woman

    dear connie
    i dont have long on computor cos of hubby but i have to say you are a super woman i know 24-7 is awful But letting some one else care for hubby and comming home with out him it must break your heart you are a star a super star
    terse no way when i first came on tp you were a star to me and i am sure many others and still are you are human but you are also very special you must feel very lonely i know i do but i know i am speaking from all tp friends WE COULD NOT DO WITH OUT YOU CHIN UP we all send a bag of love and support to you
    lots of love bel xx
  13. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Connie

    So sorry that you are having a difficult time.............

    Your posts have always been caring, informative and supportive............. be kind to yourself............it is hard enough coping with a parent moving to a NH, but to lose your soul mate must be dreadful..............give yourself time to rebuild.....

  14. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    It's very hard to drop the habit of beating yourself up over something isn't it. I found posting almost impossible over the last 12 months - mix of emotions: guilt maybe that others here were having a tougher time still in the 24/7 mode, and maybe a little need to switch off and allow some healing. Whenever I wrote something I would re-read it after and think maybe it sounded wrong? I escaped by just not posting, as a mod you feel a responsibility to carry on regardless? I don't think anyone here would ever accuse you of being sharp Connie, you are one of the many voices of calm in this stormy sea. Look after yourself, you have done and are still doing an amazing job

  15. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Kriss, Please never withold a post because you feel it doesn`t compare with others.
    We are all at different stages of caring and grief, but your headache is your headache and your pain is understood.
    Sometimes when we read something we`ve written we are super critical of it, try to change it so it `scans` better. But in changing it, we lose the value of the content.
    Please post whenever you feel the need. That`s what TP is here for.
    Love Sylvia x
  16. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Sylvia, what lovely words you posted to Kriss:
    "Your headache is your headache, and your pain is understood"

    That is exactly what is so good about TP. Love,
  17. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Just wanted to say you’ve been a great support to me on TP in the last year xx

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