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Confusion with real events.

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by daddykins, Jun 5, 2015.

  1. daddykins

    daddykins Registered User

    Jul 14, 2012
    Portland, Dorset
    Over the few weeks I have noticed that my wife, who has VaD, is beginning to accept that items on the news have also happened to her.
    Following an item on this evenings news relating to the rollercoaster accident at Alton Towers, she came out with the remark that 'that had happened to me'.
    Now I know that when she was 12/13 she did has an accident on the big dipper at Barry Island where she broke 4 teeth, somehow hitting the steel safety bar.
    As far as I am aware this was the only incident as she would not go on them since we have been together this last 53 years.
    Another item a couple of days ago mentioned 'Hadrian's Wall'. "Remember when we walked along part of that with the children" was the comment, but we have never been to Hadrian's Wall I replied, yes we have it was behind the caravan. I then twigged she was confusing 'Offa's Dyke' on the Welsh Border.
    Thinking back there have other times when parallels have been drawn to news items, some are possible, but others are a complete fabrication.
    I am at a loss on how to deal with these, do I correct her or just let them pass without comment.
    Can anyone offer suggestions please.
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
  3. Rashley

    Rashley Registered User

    Dec 21, 2014
    My OH has VD and often says during a conversation that he has been somewhere or done something,that as I have been with him for over 50 years is not true. I used to continually correct him now I just act if he is telling the truth, I just agree. He seems happy with this situation, it was frustrating and upsetting for me before I decided to just let him talk. Best wishes.
  4. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    Some believe in letting these things pass with an agreement. I really don't know what would be helpful to suggest. I used to try and treat my hubby as if he were still all together, if you 'get' me. Before dementia happened to hm, he was so intelligent and used to brag about his photographic memory.

    It's a guessing game, daddykins. Just go with whatever you may find easiest. I'm sure someone else will come up with a much better suggestion! I do know what it's like when the hard questions come. Especially when those questions are stuck on repeat play.

    So sorry you're having to deal with this.
  5. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    Let them pass, I worked out a while ago that some things mum watched or heard on radio triggered some personal memories, hard to find the connection but it was there. Of course there was also a time when everything mum watched she got confused with real life and sometimes while watching dramas she would announce that she was there. Last year while watching Coronation Street mum told me she used to drink in the Rovers Return with Ena Sharples and that Audrey used to do her hair. Doesn't happen so much now, she does like watching tv always has loved that little box in the corner. She seems to have worked out that it is just entertainment again.
  6. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    If you've been together 53 years then I guess she's at least 70 now or thereabouts, the fact she remember she too had an roller coaster accident and mixed up Hadrian's Wall with Offa's Dyke isn't all that bad.
    The issue of correcting has been discussed on here before and the general feeling is no, it's fine with children where it's a way of teaching and the more you correct them the more they learn, here though it's just a likely cause of friction and that's not a good thing, the more you correct the more resentful they may become and feel more diminished by always "being in the wrong".
    My wife was convinced we'd been to the Great Wall of China when we were watching a documentary on it recently, sadly like you it was Offa's Dyke we went too, nothing like as good and it doesn't even have any pandas.
  7. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    Every single place that was ever mentioned on television, my mother had been there - Iraq, Kazakhstan, you name it. By then I knew it was pointless to argue or correct her.
    I just used to say, 'Oh, yes, was it nice?'
    The answer was invariably, 'I can't remember.'
    Unless it really matters, best just to go along with it IMO. Anything for P and Q.
  8. Fred Flintstone

    Fred Flintstone Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    S. E. England
    When my father is confused my mother is apt to contradict him. I see no point, he's not telling lies and in need of guidance like a child - that's altogether a false analogy. I think a closer one is trying to maintain a conversation in a poorly known foreign language.

    When we're alone, just Dad and me, I try to listen as attentively as I can, and very often I find he IS making sense in a dream language kind of way, and I try to follow his thoughts. Sometimes he's just mixing up place names, or people's names or incidents of a rather similar nature.

    To mix up Hadrian's wall with Offa's Dyke is not such a huge error. The OP's wife is trying to communicate with him, imperfectly, but as closely as she can. I would try to tune into her wavelength, and try to make responses as appropriate as can be. If he is partly right even part of the time he will be doing well.

    I think doing what you can to maintain a conversation-of-some-sort is the best that can be attempted. Just my opinion of course.
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Mum tells "stories" all the time. She sees people while she is out (they are complete strangers to her) and says things like "shes having trouble with her husband, so she goes out for a bit of piece and quiet, you know" or "that woman goes shopping every day and her husbands really worried that shes spending so much money" :eek:
    She tells me that her son (my brother) comes to visit her on a horse and she watches him coming down the road from her room. Needless to say my brother doesnt live anywhere her, hasnt visited for 6 months and has never sat on the back of a horse in his life!
    When she lived at home she was convinced that she lived under a school and the children used to make a racket going up and down the stairs, used to pinch all her hot water and come in and re-arrange everything. She lived in a bungalow!
    She goes on like this all the time and I have no idea what triggers them all off. It doesnt seem to fit in with anything she has done in the past. I just say non-committal things and let it pass.
  10. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    You must agree with everthing, my hubby kept saying David Cameron wanted him in the government, l found like all of us the elections a nightmare, hubby was so stressed waiting for D Cameron to collect him in his car, sitting in the window day after day, no good me disagreeing with him, he would get very angry.
  11. optocarol

    optocarol Registered User

    Nov 23, 2011
    Auckland, New Zealand
    In our support group a while ago, one woman said she used, "Uh, huh" and "Whatever" a lot, so I decided to use them too, when it's something which doesn't matter. I'm all for peace and quiet too.

    However, so far this year his youngest (favourite) daughter has been killed in an accident and gone off in a huff saying she didn't want to talk to him ever again, so he said!! Those I didn't agree with, but dealt with.
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Yes, sometimes you cant just go along with it. I have found a useful phrase when I need to correct mum is "I thought........ "
  13. Fred Flintstone

    Fred Flintstone Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    S. E. England
    if you say so

    I'm quite sure you're right

    it won't be as bad as all that

    it'll be all right on the day, I'm sure

    now that's NOT what the weather forecast said
  14. optocarol

    optocarol Registered User

    Nov 23, 2011
    Auckland, New Zealand
    Must remember those! Thanks.

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