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Communication breakdown with POAs

Blizzard

Registered User
May 5, 2017
23
0
Dear all,

I am asking for advice. After 5 difficult years of family communication breakdown, two of my siblings have moved my mother out of her house and into a retirement property close to one of them without informing me of the new address or the house sale. They have POA, I do not. I am still on really good terms with my mother and am so upset they have done this. She has dementia so she couldn't tell me the specific details of her new place and was not in control of the move. I am very upset and trying not to lose my temper. I have contacted the two siblings and asked them for her new address and the date of her move. What saddens me is the thousands of memories in a home I may never see again, and the meanness of the act.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,420
0
Kent
This is a really difficult and upsetting situation for you @Blizzard and even after 5 years of family breakdown it`s a pity your siblings found themselves unable to include you in organising your mother`s move.

I do hope you will be given your mother`s new address so you can visit her.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
756
0
Dear all,

I am asking for advice. After 5 difficult years of family communication breakdown, two of my siblings have moved my mother out of her house and into a retirement property close to one of them without informing me of the new address or the house sale. They have POA, I do not. I am still on really good terms with my mother and am so upset they have done this. She has dementia so she couldn't tell me the specific details of her new place and was not in control of the move. I am very upset and trying not to lose my temper. I have contacted the two siblings and asked them for her new address and the date of her move. What saddens me is the thousands of memories in a home I may never see again, and the meanness of the act.
I can understand how upsetting this must be for you. Unfortunately your mother made the decision, I assume some years ago, to appoint your siblings as attorneys rather than yourself, so you are going to have to live with that. It is sad when the possessions of a lifetime have to be discarded, but often there isn't an alternative. I wonder why you think moving her to sheltered housing of some sort was mean? They have to act in her best interests, is there a reason to think that this move was not in her interests?

They don't have to tell you her new address but usually in a family that wouldn't be a secret. Presumably they have reasons for not telling you, connected with past relationship issues. My advice is that the only strategy that has any hope here is a charm offensive, be as nice as you can to your siblings, forgive and forget any past issues, apologise if you have done something in the past that has caused upset, and generally be nice as pie.