Clingy dad - experience with respite?

[GFoxcroft1]

My dad has vascular dementia, and is as clingy as you can get with mum.
Trouble is this means mum can’t be away from him for longer than a couple of hours, so she gets no break at all.

Does anyone have any hints or tips on how we could get dad (who’s non-verbal now) okay with respite for the odd weekend?

 

[SherwoodSue]

Perhaps it’s time for love lies. Doctor thinks you would do well with rehab/ convalescence dad
Might work ?

This is going to sound harsh but dad being ‘ok with it ‘ isn’t the end of the world. What would happen to dad if mums health failed and she wasn’t able to look after him at all ?
Mum has needs too, you know that of course and you also want to make it easier on mum to get that break.

Good luck x

 

[Kristo]

My dad was exactly the same. He went into respite a month ago so that mum could have an operation. We are going to extend for another month as he has settled so well (no-one more shocked than us!). He is surrounded by people all day and is the most relaxed that I have seen him in years. Wish we had done it earlier, the care home staff are all so wonderful. We did try daycare for a couple of months (one day a week) to test the waters and he enjoyed that too but was better when I drove him there and back rather than mum. At least now mum can have a wee in peace! Good luck x

 

[GFoxcroft1]

My dad was exactly the same. He went into respite a month ago so that mum could have an operation. We are going to extend for another month as he has settled so well (no-one more shocked than us!). He is surrounded by people all day and is the most relaxed that I have seen him in years. Wish we had done it earlier, the care home staff are all so wonderful. We did try daycare for a couple of months (one day a week) to test the waters and he enjoyed that too but was better when I drove him there and back rather than mum. At least now mum can have a wee in peace! Good luck x

Thank you! Was your dad aware of what was happening?
I worry, he forgets what we tell him so won’t understand it’s for 2/3 days and that we will come back, and this stress will have such a detrimental impact on him.

It’s a really hard balance

 

[Kristo]

Thank you! Was your dad aware of what was happening?
I worry, he forgets what we tell him so won’t understand it’s for 2/3 days and that we will come back, and this stress will have such a detrimental impact on him.

It’s a really hard balance

The day I dropped him off I hadn’t told him where we were going, we just went in for a cup of tea. I told him him while we there that he was staying for a few days for the nurses to check his meds and he just accepted it (I was flabbergasted!) I said I was going to the loo, left, and went back the next day for a visit and he was fine. I usually visit for about an hour just before lunch, then I slip out while they’re setting the tables. Sometimes I tell him that I’m going and I’ll be back later and he has been fine.