Sorry this is a long post but i need to write this all down and hope someone has some words of advice?
My 73 year old husband of 40 years has behavioural frontotemporal dementia, been getting worse these last few months quite quickly. Ive been caring for him for several years but had reached burn out frankly. He fell downstairs ended up in hospital and although he wasn't badly hurt, they decided with his dementia, mobility, double incontinence,cognition and behavioural issues that he couldn't come home as his falls risk was too high, and his issues too complex for me to manage, even with a care package. So he has been in a care home for 6 weeks now and I'm really grieving. Even though it has been hard I miss him so much. He has settled very well and I visit of course, but I've never lived alone and its horrid. We are self pay at the moment but his savings will only last 6 months where he is, so social services will have to do an assessment and no doubt want to move him to somewhere cheaper. Where he is they can cope with his complex needs but these days it's all about money not best interests. So I'm stuck in a large 4 bedroom house on my own which would be lovely for a family ( we never had kids ourselves) But if I sell, half of the proceeds will be my husbands and will have to go towards funding his care, and there won't be enough to buy me somewhere else. Or indeed pay for any care i might need in the future. I feel I'm stuck in a trap, and am so sad that everything we worked for all our lives will end up going to pay for care. I'm also worried that they will.move him and unsettle him. I don't know who to talk to professionally about this so welcome any experiences from you kind folks on this forum. Thank you x
My 73 year old husband of 40 years has behavioural frontotemporal dementia, been getting worse these last few months quite quickly. Ive been caring for him for several years but had reached burn out frankly. He fell downstairs ended up in hospital and although he wasn't badly hurt, they decided with his dementia, mobility, double incontinence,cognition and behavioural issues that he couldn't come home as his falls risk was too high, and his issues too complex for me to manage, even with a care package. So he has been in a care home for 6 weeks now and I'm really grieving. Even though it has been hard I miss him so much. He has settled very well and I visit of course, but I've never lived alone and its horrid. We are self pay at the moment but his savings will only last 6 months where he is, so social services will have to do an assessment and no doubt want to move him to somewhere cheaper. Where he is they can cope with his complex needs but these days it's all about money not best interests. So I'm stuck in a large 4 bedroom house on my own which would be lovely for a family ( we never had kids ourselves) But if I sell, half of the proceeds will be my husbands and will have to go towards funding his care, and there won't be enough to buy me somewhere else. Or indeed pay for any care i might need in the future. I feel I'm stuck in a trap, and am so sad that everything we worked for all our lives will end up going to pay for care. I'm also worried that they will.move him and unsettle him. I don't know who to talk to professionally about this so welcome any experiences from you kind folks on this forum. Thank you x