1. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    91
    I was talking to a friend the other day who's father is 93 and has become very demanding over the past few months. He doesn't have any form of dementia , he's just elderly.

    She commented that while she was caring , she wasn't a carer and she's finding it difficult to cope with him.


    Her comments really got me thinking. I wondered how many of us felt the same way?
     
  2. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    298
    People are always asking me if I'm my MIL's carer, but I'm always very clear that I'm her daughter in law. I'll move heaven and earth to help her keep in together for as long as I can, but once she needs actual "care" that'll be somebody else's job.
     
  3. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    91
    Thanks for that Jaygun. I'm sure there's a few of us who feel exactly the same.
     
  4. mrs mcgonnagal

    mrs mcgonnagal Registered User

    May 9, 2015
    153
    I've been looking after my mother with mixed dementia and no, it hasn't come naturally. It's very difficult and has changed the relationship. That is really difficult to come to terms with.
     
  5. Aragorn

    Aragorn Registered User

    Jul 23, 2015
    18
    I'm sure the caring role massively changes relationships!
     
  6. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    Whilst I am sure that there are people out there who think of me as being a carer, I refuse to allow that title to define me, to say that it's the sum of my life.
     
  7. Grandma Joan

    Grandma Joan Registered User

    Mar 29, 2013
    280
    Wiltshire
    Interesting

    I look after my MIL, 87 - mixed Dementia 3+ years and

    my own mother,91, very independent (no dementia) but losing her sight

    as yet neither of them need help with personal care, that's when I will need someone else to help.
     
  8. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,537
    south-east London
    #8 LynneMcV, Aug 17, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2015
    This brings to mind an awkward situation last Christmas when I accompanied my husband to his annual works reunion for retired employees.

    It is common practice to request a ticket for a 'carer' to accompany the former employee where necessary, and so we requested a ticket for me to accompany my husband - providing my name as the designated carer.

    When we got there, my husband was given a label with his name on ( as were all the former employees) and I was given a label to wear which simply stated "N's carer" - no name and nothing to suggest I was anything other than a carer.

    It's probably silly I know, but it made me feel like a non-person. It was particularly annoying because I knew many of the attendees socially over the years and we were on first name terms and they were well aware I was N's wife.

    I do understand the need to say on my label that I was with N in a caring capacity (I suppose they wouldn't have been able to accommodate everyone who just wanted to have a guest with them, so needed to make it clear in what role I was there) - but it would have been nice to at least be given a name!

    I had a word with one of the organisers (a friend of ours) and said how it made me feel. I suggested having wording like "Lynne, N's wife/carer" on my label instead and she made note of it. I suppose I'll find out this year if they have taken any of my comments on board!
     
  9. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    115
    I was taken aback when the lovely lady at the Alzheimer's association referred to me as my mil carer.
    I work full time and have a 5 yr old so not sure I am her carer. I pop in almost everyday to make sure she takes her meds and sometimes make a meal.
    Other than that I don't do much else.

    When she gets too bad she will have to be looked after by someone else I'm afraid.
    I care but I'm not a carer
     
  10. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,968
    Suffolk
    That's the start of caring, even if you don't do anymore. So you are a carer!!
     

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