Caring... the price I'm paying

[Bristolbelle]

Some of you will not know that as well as looking after my Mum who has AZ and lives in a granny annexe with us, my husband and both children (now 20 and 19) are also disabled so my plate overfloweth a bit.
Anyway the last few weeks have been very hard Mum is deteriorating and one of my husbands conditions had flared up quite badly and he has a lump on his neck whcich he has been referred for an urgent scan about.
Over the years I've been on and off anti depressants, and treatment for blood pressure. Some times I feel if I don't take them I might die and then I;d get a rest (though I know in my heart I don't really want that to happen if that makes sense).
I saw my GP yesterday and she was very supportive but I confessed another problems to her it's pretty disgusting, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who does it. If I get a cut or bote or whatever I pick at it relentlessly. I have had the urge to iniate self harm, but have only done that once. Mainly it's a case of worrying at old wounds. I'm really pleased that I have shared this with my GP she was very understanding and no I have ahred it with you because I know I have to face it right on if Im want to beat it, and telling others seems to help. Sorry if it repulses you it repulses me too.
I have also agreed to go back on the anti-D's too, and have had the first dose today, and just like last time I've had immense stomach cramp, sickness, diarorhea, sweats and muscle weakness. I had all this last time and was told to stick with it as they would help (old GP). Why do I have to suffer even more just so can acrry on caring.......grrrrrrr!!!!
Thanaks for listening.

 

[jenniferpa]

Well done you for staring the problem full in the face. It is extremely difficult (actually impossible) to get help for things like this until you do.

As a long term (well medicated) depressive I can relate to what you say. However, I do not think that all anti-depressants have the initial start-up effects that you mention. Well, I know they don't. The worse one (as in take the tablet and an hour later be so far into the depths of despair that if I a) hadn't understood it was the meds and b) had had access to a gun, I wouldn't be here now) was effexor, but I know some people swear by it.

Slight nausea, maybe a headache, more sleeping possibly, but nothing like you describe. Have you tried other anti-depressants? They definitely don't have all the same side-effects profile.

 

[Grannie G]

I have never taken antidepressants so cannot pass a personal opinion . But I have never observed my husband having to endure the severe side effects you speak of Bristolbelle.
Are you sure they are necessary? Does your doctor know you suffer to this extent?

 

[one united]

I'm sorry you're not doing so well yourself
Have you told your GP that the ADs give you these side effects?
You need to as not one type suits all and there are many out ther to try.
Has the GP suggested any other treatment other than Ads? I have no personal experience, but know of iothers who have found counselling or CBT helpful. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate already and may feel longer treatments might not be the best idea just now, but thought I'd mention them.
I hope you feel better soon

 

[gigi]

Hello Bristolbelle...

You have so much on your plate....

It's good that you have an understanding GP....and Antidepressants can and do help...

There are so many available now...and it's a case of "one size does not fit all"....My mum was given anti-depressants last year and had similar symptoms to those you describe..as well as hallucinations...the GP stopped them immediately and suggested she try another one...

She decided she'd rather feel depressed...

In your case ..with the self harm issue...some counselling and CBT may also help...I can reccomend CBT..and your GP can refer you for this..but it may be necessary to try another Antidepressant too..don't give up.

Love gigi xx

Sorry...CBT = Cognitive Behavioural Therapy....if you didn't already know. A specialist form of counselling that helps you to concentrate on positives..and working through your problems with support and guidance.

 

[Vonny]

Hi Bristolbelle,

I realised from a post in another thread that all was not well with you but I didn't realise how bad things had become.

Re the antidepressants, I was on Sertraline for a few years then started getting "crawly" skin and restless legs so the doc changed it to Efexor (sorry Jennifer, I'm one of those people who swears by it!) and I've been fine since. On the lowest dose just to keep me ticking over. However, my mum and dad (and recently my sis, who is starting to feel anxious about the caring) are all on amitriptaline which is an older medication and one which the doctors are loth to prescribe these days, but they swear by it.

Until you can get your medication sorted out, I'm sending big hugs and positive vibes.

Really hope things start picking up soon for you

Vonny xxx

 

[Cl13]

Hi Bristolbelle, I dont really know anything about depression meds but I hope your Doc gets you feeling better soon, you have a lot on your plate. Love Lynn

 

[myheadisinaspin]

hi i could not cope with my mum AZ and hubby is too disabled and i have two teenage kids without my antidepressant, i take one of the older ones ( amytriptyline) which i take at night and it allows me to sleep without a care in the world. i used to self harm back when i was a teenager and a little bit in adult hood, i take antidepressants myself to lift my own mood and help me, i have considered self harm myself again, but at present can ratiolise with myself not too. i'm not saying that i will never do it again,who knows. i tend to comfort eat now, i guess thats a kind of self harm too isn't it. i'm not disgusted or shock by what you are saying, its hard for anyone to understand if they have never been there. all my life i have been surrounded by sick people or so it seems, if i become sick what happens?? who knows,

 

[foxhound]

I must say, my (un-informed) guess is that you really should be pushing your GP to think about other anti-depressants. The side effects you are getting do not sound fun. I have tried both the new and old varieties and they don't work at all for me - although sleeping pills work like a charm with no side effects at all!

Think of it this way - you are providing an amazing service to yr family - the GP should d**n well be providing an amazing service to you. Keep pushing till they get it right!

 

[Bristolbelle]

Thanks for replies...

and particularly for the laughter caused when I googled "CBT" and found the alternative meaning. Thank heavens I now know what you all meant.
After feeling so ill this morning, the nausea etc passed to a large degree, and the main problem this afternoon and evening has been being able to stay awake. Again this was exactly like last time. The symptoms have eased a lot quicker than last time, maybe because I was pretty woprried about starting them again, and only took half a tablet to let my body adjust more slowly.
I've also started my BP treatment again, and on reading the leaflet found that can cause nausea etc too (Antenolol 25mg). The AD I'm on is paroxetine. On e thing I forgot to tell you was my BP was 168/103 which was quite a scare in itself.
I've been on Seroxat and Cipramil in the long distant past, but I have to admit once my body adjust I do think the paroxetine is better.
Thanks for all the support.

 

[one united]

and particularly for the laughter caused when I googled "CBT" and found the alternative meaning.

Sorry didn't know there was another meaning. Although getting on your bike might help
I assume you mean the bike training, if not that couild sound terribly rude

You BP will soon come down. I'll take some if you like; mine's too low (90/50), so could do with a boost

 

[Bristolbelle]

Jane....

no worries, it really made me laugh!

 

[Skye]

Bristolbelle, I just want to congratulate you on your openness. With TP behind you, you'll beat this, I'm sure. Though I had no idea you were coping with so much, you are a very brave lady.

Just sending you love and hugs,

 

[Helen33]

Hello Bristolbelle

Why do I have to suffer even more just so can acrry on caring.......grrrrrrr!!!!

I have picked up on the aspect of the amount of caring that you are doing Bristolbelle and I wondered whether you feel you are being 'heard'. It must be an enormous strain on an everyday level and then having to cope with additional things like the lump and resulting scans and your own health being under duress.I hope that the 'name and shame' way of dealing with the obsessive picking helps. This is not something that repulses me it is more something that is saying that there is an underlying problem that needs dealing with.

Do you think you might benefit from talking to someone from the Princess Royal Trust about the care aspect of your life so that you had a safe, confidential place to pour out some of the possible pent up feelings?

I do wish you well Bristolbelle.

Love

 

[Bristolbelle]

Once again thankyou for all the support, and yes I am hoping the name and shame approach will help, and have a great deal of faith in the friendship and mutual support of TP in helping me with this one.
I don't want to bore you but I would like you all to know my family better, My husband has a fused S1 vertebrae, long term depression as a result of Post traumatic stress (key witness in child abuse case in childrens home many years ago, enlarged prostate and other medical conditions. I never dreamy by the time he was 50 he would need a mobility scooter, and on that score I feel robbed! My daughter (20) has mild non shunted
hydrocephalus, mil spina bifida, hearing impaitment, Reflex sympatheric dystrophy (chronic pain condition that feel like hot oil being poured over you) - the hydrocephalus has caused similar symtoms and behaviour to someone with asbergers syndrome. Despite good academic skills she is having trouble finding work as she can come across a bit eccentric, and has difficulty with non-structured activity. My son has the same pain condition as his sister and the problem with pilonidal abcesses/ suspected Hidradentitis (recurrent bioils over different parts of the body). As you can imagine when they flare up he is in acute pain. He also gets severs back pain, but the medical services have so far refused to offer hm x rays of scans to see if there is a problem, this despite a geneticist saying he believes there is a genetic factor to our families health issues but is not able to identify exactly what at this time. All three are on DLA and/or income support with disability premium. We accept hubby will not work again but both children have registered with Remploy and been through thier work preparation course. However my lad then had to have another op and is only just getting over that though he has now started another part time college course to increase his qualifications while he is still recovering, My daughter meantime is playing ping-pong with agencies who say they can not help because she is academically high functioning and they deal with "learning difficulties", ore because they only help people looking for full-time work and neither of them are ready for that yet and would risk a total relapse of thier RSD if they overdo it too soon.
Then there's Mum with her AZ and me with burnout.

Helen I haven't found the Princes Carers Trust that helpful. I did go on a wonderful relaxation day once, but apart from a carers group for two hours once a month the events they organise are on the other side of town. This means a minimum 2 bus journey(which takes about 90 mins) , or stealing the car and leaving hubby "housebound".
The meds haven't been quite so bad today. I decided not to take them until I had done the shopping and a bit of housework so when they did poleaxe me I had already acheieved something. As it is the abdominal pain and nausea only lasted about 40 mins then I fell asleep for almost two hours. Now feel a bit dizzy and nauseous, but my lad has offered to try and cook tea - bless him. At least everyone in the family is glad I am trying to go back on the meds and are helping as best they can until things settle again. I really do feel the nastiness is going to be much shorter and less severe this time though.
Once again thanks for your support.

 

[Sam Iam]

Hi NB,
you are wonderful and so is your family( your son wanting to make the evening mealxx)
What line of work would you daughter like to get into?

I to am an effexor take (sounds like the song "I am a cider drinker") and although I dont have problems day to day I did try to come off of them in September and the side effects were horrendous, I was told that I had come off to early so more time and patience.
I also have tried CBT and it worked, I am now able to see the rational behind some peoples actions towards me

NB keep going you are doing so well.
Hugs & xx's

 

[Skye]

Bristolbelle, you have so much to cope with. I hope the meds work without too many side-effects.

I'm sorry PRT haven't proved helpful. It's a shame they're so far away. But do you know they give one-to-one sessions? Even come to you if necessary? At least, ours do, so it's worth asking.

Keep talking to us, we'll all support you.

Love,

 

[jenniferpa]

Sam FYI - it took me an entire year to come off effexor. My psychiatrist no longer prescribes it because of the withdrawal issues he has seen.

 

[Sam Iam]

Thanks Jenniferpa

I had read up on the withdrawal issues and wondered how long it would take.
I was told I had come off to early but I am not convinced due to the things that happened ( wont go into detail)

I feel I should remain on them as I dont know how things will progress with Mum.

Thank you for the info xx