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Caring for some one with Alzheimers

Laura warren

New member
Jan 17, 2020
1
Hello my name is Laura and I'm looking for some advice. My step father aged 64 was diagnosed with alzheimers around 6/7 years ago but over the last year has really deteriated and my mum aged 68 his career and was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 yrs ago and is now cancer free but the kemo and radio therapy has affected her in a bad way leaving her weak and struggling to cope. Firstly my step father is in dinial that any thing is wrong with him, and has refused to give my mum a bit of respite by going to a day centre or anything like that to give my mum a break, he won't drink, not because he refuses but because he forgets so my mums always having to nag him to drink, he gets constipated to the point it makes him poorly and has now started to refuse to let my mum put saposatries in to relieve his constipation. At the minute the only thing she doesn't have to do is feed him, apart from that she does everything and has got to the point where she feels suicidel. He keeps nodding off during the day and then doesn't sleep at night and as he has to be watched my mum is getting no sleep. I wondered if there was someone she could get in touch with to help give her advice on what to do and/or anyone who could talk to my stepfather to try and make him understand that he his poorly and my mum is struggling.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,365
Hello my name is Laura and I'm looking for some advice. My step father aged 64 was diagnosed with alzheimers around 6/7 years ago but over the last year has really deteriated and my mum aged 68 his career and was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 yrs ago and is now cancer free but the kemo and radio therapy has affected her in a bad way leaving her weak and struggling to cope. Firstly my step father is in dinial that any thing is wrong with him, and has refused to give my mum a bit of respite by going to a day centre or anything like that to give my mum a break, he won't drink, not because he refuses but because he forgets so my mums always having to nag him to drink, he gets constipated to the point it makes him poorly and has now started to refuse to let my mum put saposatries in to relieve his constipation. At the minute the only thing she doesn't have to do is feed him, apart from that she does everything and has got to the point where she feels suicidel. He keeps nodding off during the day and then doesn't sleep at night and as he has to be watched my mum is getting no sleep. I wondered if there was someone she could get in touch with to help give her advice on what to do and/or anyone who could talk to my stepfather to try and make him understand that he his poorly and my mum is struggling.
All my sympathy. Yes, there are sources of help and others will be along soon to tell you, but my feeling from experience is that this is a situation which needs consideration of a care home. What is your feeling about that?
Warmest, kindred
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,791
Yorkshire
hello @Laura warren
a warm welcome to DTP

your poor mum sounds to be at the end of her tether ... sadly it's not unusual for the person being cared for to have no insight into their situation, so your step father isn't so much in denial as no longer able to comprehend the actual situation

could your mum have a chat with her GP about herself, and how all this is making her feel, as she needs support and the GP needs to know that your mum is not coping (no reflection on her at all, simply how it is)

and separately, let your step father's GP know his situation ... and contact the incontinence nurse at the practice, eg lactulose may help your step father

if he isn't drinking, try lots of liquid foods eg bite size juicy fruit, jelly, trifle, custard, ice cream, ice lollies, soup, stew, gravy

has your step father had an assessment of his care needs by their Local Authority Adult Services ... if not contact them and request an urgent assessment as your mum is close to carer breakdown and if she folds that will leave her husband, a vulnerable adult, at risk of neglect because he cannot look after himself ... or ask for a re-assessment as their situation has changed ... home care visits, day care and some respite may give your mum a break
your mum also has a right to a carer's assessment

Admiral Nurses may be able to help, as they are there to support carers ... if there isn't one locally, they have a helpline
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/

this link may help you find local services
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/your-support-services

and this is for the AS helpline ... the advisors are knowledgeable and understanding
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/your-support-services

are there LPAs in place for both your parents, so that there are Attorneys able to step in and help manage their affairs
https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

and Samaritans are always there whatever the time, whatever the reason for calling

keep posting here, members are massively helpful and happy to share experiences