carers rights to a break

[wendy joan]

Hi everyone I am new here. I have just reached a point in my caring role where i feel I can no longer carry on caring for my husband ..I broke down in tears and just cant stop my self crying i went to the doctors and he has given me diazepam......I dont take any medication if i can help it and have only taken 1 at night to help me sleep .....but still able to wake up if my husband gets up, I am fighting to get help although we do have a needs and care needs package my husband does not want to go into a care home for me to get a rest. I then looked at care in the home and found some thinking I would still get 6 weeks a year break but care in the home cost more so I have now been told I will only get 12 days a year .... this has sent me a bit over the edge because i feel I need more of a break than that. I am about to give up but feel guilty and worn out I cant think straight.
Sorry for unloading

 

[Angela61]

Hi everyone I am new here. I have just reached a point in my caring role where i feel I can no longer carry on caring for my husband ..I broke down in tears and just cant stop my self crying i went to the doctors and he has given me diazepam......I dont take any medication if i can help it and have only taken 1 at night to help me sleep .....but still able to wake up if my husband gets up, I am fighting to get help although we do have a needs and care needs package my husband does not want to go into a care home for me to get a rest. I then looked at care in the home and found some thinking I would still get 6 weeks a year break but care in the home cost more so I have now been told I will only get 12 days a year .... this has sent me a bit over the edge because i feel I need more of a break than that. I am about to give up but feel guilty and worn out I cant think straight.
Sorry for unloading

Welcome wendy joan
You are among friends here and I can totally empathise with you. Its so tough. As a Carer for your husband you are entitled to 6 weeks Respite a year. I'm not sure why you have been told 12 days. You need to contact Social Services and tell them in no uncertain terms what you have said here. Tell them you can't carry on like this. They have to support you. My husband has Alzheimer's. I requested and got 2 weeks emergency Respite last year (although it was because my sister was at end of life palliative care and passed away within 3 weeks). I also got emergency Respite for 2 weeks I February my sons partner died unexpectedly .
You are at breaking point and you have to get support. I plan to ask for 2 weeks Respite in July . I an to have a little break for me. We all deserve a break from our Caring role. Let us know how you get on. HUGS

 

[Kevinl]

Don't worry or apologise to us Wendy, we all need a good rant sometimes and here is a good place to unload, we all know how you feel, it gets to us all sometimes. K

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @wendy joan.

I‘m so sorry to read about your situation. It sounds as if you are heading for carer breakdown. I wondered if a chat with someone on the Admiral Nurse helpline would be of some benefit -

What is an Admiral Nurse and how can they help?

Dementia UK is a charity that provides Admiral Nurses for families affected by dementia. Call our Dementia Helpline to find out how we can support you.

www.dementiauk.org

 

[Ellie2018]

Welcome wendy joan
You are among friends here and I can totally empathise with you. Its so tough. As a Carer for your husband you are entitled to 6 weeks Respite a year. I'm not sure why you have been told 12 days. You need to contact Social Services and tell them in no uncertain terms what you have said here. Tell them you can't carry on like this. They have to support you. My husband has Alzheimer's. I requested and got 2 weeks emergency Respite last year (although it was because my sister was at end of life palliative care and passed away within 3 weeks). I also got emergency Respite for 2 weeks I February my sons partner died unexpectedly .
You are at breaking point and you have to get support. I plan to ask for 2 weeks Respite in July . I an to have a little break for me. We all deserve a break from our Caring role. Let us know how you get on. HUGS

Hi Angela. Can you point me to where it says 6 weeks, I was given a card to use for respite which they said will cover about 12 days. I’m not ready yet but I’d like to be able to challenge it when I need it. Thanks in advance.

 

[wendy joan]

Hi Angela. Can you point me to where it says 6 weeks, I was given a card to use for respite which they said will cover about 12 days. I’m not ready yet but I’d like to be able to challenge it when I need it. Thanks in advance.

Welcome wendy joan
You are among friends here and I can totally empathise with you. Its so tough. As a Carer for your husband you are entitled to 6 weeks Respite a year. I'm not sure why you have been told 12 days. You need to contact Social Services and tell them in no uncertain terms what you have said here. Tell them you can't carry on like this. They have to support you. My husband has Alzheimer's. I requested and got 2 weeks emergency Respite last year (although it was because my sister was at end of life palliative care and passed away within 3 weeks). I also got emergency Respite for 2 weeks I February my sons partner died unexpectedly .
You are at breaking point and you have to get support. I plan to ask for 2 weeks Respite in July . I an to have a little break for me. We all deserve a break from our Caring role. Let us know how you get on. HUGS

Thank you for the reply I do in theory have 6 weeks respite in place but that is in a care home. if you have carers coming into the home to care its 51 hours a week x 6weeks which means only 12 days 24 hour care at home . they say we are choosing to take care at home but i am not choosing this its just I cant get my husband into a home . They have just changed how they do respite payments and its just not fair

 

[wendy joan]

Thank you all for your answers it helps xx