Had what some could say was an interesting visit with Dad today.... For once though, it wasn't his behaviour that was my focus (other than that I was absolutely delighted to have him appear to really be understanding what I was saying, it felt like we had stepped back a year in this awful progression, except that he is still unable to speak words) Unfortunately the delightful side of my visit was marred by an incident with some of the carers. After having had some rapport with Dad, I got the impression that he was getting tired of me babying him so I let him walk around on his own, keeping an eye on him because he has a habit of stumbling and because I had removed the protective helmet the home insists he wears constantly in case of falls. Anyway, one of the carers came out (we were in the outdoor area) with a drink for Dad and asked if I would like to give it to him. Unsure of if he would want to be 'directed' to sit down as he was having an independent moment, I grinned a little unsure....anyway the carer went and got him and pretty much manhandled him into a chair. I don't like the way she manhandles him, but I also know she is good with regards to other aspects of his care, so I just said to Dad as she went back inside 'Phew, [name] really knows how to boss you around doesn't she?!' but said so lightheartedly so as not to distress him in anyway. Two other carers were in the vicinity at the time and one of them piped up 'Yeah too bossy sometimes though hey?', I just shrugged and said 'Ah well never mind, its okay', to which the other carer said 'So why does it upset you?'...I assumed from this comment that she had seen my wince at Dad being pushed around, although I did think 'Wow, how insensitive is that, I am upset every day and she thinks I need to be told that I am upset and in denial??' I replied, 'Well I've seen him treated like this for 5 years now at home by my mum and well I guess, beggars can't be choosers.', meaning that it is so hard to find decent care, that sometimes you just have to take the bad with the good. The two 'concerned' carers then told me that I should report treatment like what we had witnessed. Trying to not be rude but also trying to explain why I accepted it, I said 'There is also the fact that, I'm not here all the time to ensure, that my words of complaint, don't cause more hardship for Dad than good.' The one remaining 'concerned' carer (the other one had obviously lost interest) then reiterated that I should 'Report it' and that I was silly to have such concerns.' How do you say, 'For god sakes, don't you think that it rips my heart apart to see Dad treated like this, don't you think I weigh up the pros and cons of 'reporting' such treatment everyday, don't you think I might already be under enough strain and guilt and worry, that I don't need you, who might think you are a good carer but really has no idea what we are going through, who might think that just because you are gentle with my Dad you are better, but then you don't bother to change him when he needs it to tell me that I am not doing enough....don't you think....Don't you THINK???' Aiy, yigh,yigh! Well there's my rant for the day.