Hi, I care for my mother who has dementia, and my mothers social worker has suggested that I have a “carers assessment” could someone please tell me if this is a good thing or does the social worker think I’m not doing a good job caring for my mother. I’m worried sick as I do everything possible for my mother and afraid they will say I’m able to care for my mother and take her from me. Please help.
Carers Assessment.
- Thread starter Tizzy190
- Start date
Tizzy, hi and welcome to TP.
Please calm down. This is not to see if you are a good person doing a good job and to take your mother away, this is to see about help for you, like maybe equipment for the house, or putting you in touch with support services in your area, making an emergency plan, that sort of thing.
Usually the LAST thing they want to do, is remove someone from their home.
Take a look here: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-a...rt/getting-care-and-support/carers-assessment
If your mother has not had a needs assessment, or not had one recently, ask for that as well.
Caring for someone is hard work and I would advise you take all the help you can get! If you don't get help and support for your mother AND for you, you are risking your own health. This isn't a job that one person can do alone, 24/7, with no help, forever, without risk of carer's breakdown, serious illness, or worse.
You know that announcement on airplanes, about how if you are traveling with someone who needs assistance, that you should put your oxygen mask on first, and then help the other person? That's what this is like.
I am sure others will be along to reassure you and tell you about their own experiences.
I hope you will be able to get some sleep tonight, and best wishes to you and your mother.
Please calm down. This is not to see if you are a good person doing a good job and to take your mother away, this is to see about help for you, like maybe equipment for the house, or putting you in touch with support services in your area, making an emergency plan, that sort of thing.
Usually the LAST thing they want to do, is remove someone from their home.
Take a look here: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-a...rt/getting-care-and-support/carers-assessment
If your mother has not had a needs assessment, or not had one recently, ask for that as well.
Caring for someone is hard work and I would advise you take all the help you can get! If you don't get help and support for your mother AND for you, you are risking your own health. This isn't a job that one person can do alone, 24/7, with no help, forever, without risk of carer's breakdown, serious illness, or worse.
You know that announcement on airplanes, about how if you are traveling with someone who needs assistance, that you should put your oxygen mask on first, and then help the other person? That's what this is like.
I am sure others will be along to reassure you and tell you about their own experiences.
I hope you will be able to get some sleep tonight, and best wishes to you and your mother.
Hi @Tizzy190. As Amy said don't worry about this. The carer assessment is to see if there's anything that can be done to support you.
There's some information here -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/.../assessment_for_care_and_support_in_england/5
There's some information here -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/.../assessment_for_care_and_support_in_england/5
Morning Tizzy190.
I hope you slept a bit better. AS the others have said a carers assessment is more of a chance to get help. We had my carers assessment and OH's care needs assessment at the same time last autumn. The upshot was she gained an extra half day support with a befriending scheme and I gained £300 towards a few massage sessions. Actually, the befriending scheme was also something I suggested might help me and the social worker agreed we would both benefit, so just tell the what you and your mother need to make sure she can still live independently with your care.
I hope you slept a bit better. AS the others have said a carers assessment is more of a chance to get help. We had my carers assessment and OH's care needs assessment at the same time last autumn. The upshot was she gained an extra half day support with a befriending scheme and I gained £300 towards a few massage sessions. Actually, the befriending scheme was also something I suggested might help me and the social worker agreed we would both benefit, so just tell the what you and your mother need to make sure she can still live independently with your care.
You are entitled to a carers assessment by law and it is there to help you. Social Services have a duty to support you so this assessment is your opportunity to tell them all you're doing for your Mum and where you would like more help so you get more time for yourself and don't burn out too quickly. It is not a performance review so don't worry!
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Thank you to you all. You don’t know how much it means to me to know that I’m not doing something wrong. And I’m walking on air right now. Plus knowing that someone actually wants to know MY needs. I have taken on the carers role myself because of course I love my mum. So I didn’t expect anyone to think of what it’s doing to me as it was my choice. But it all makes sense to me now as I have been very run down recently so maybe that’s what the social worker saw. Thank you all so very much I could hug you all ❤️
Tizzy, I'm glad you are feeling less stressed and upset. I think sometimes we can easily get overwhelmed as there is always so much going on.
You might think about everything that could possibly help, and make a list. You might also make notes about what sorts of issues and challenges you're facing. Often when I am in the appointment or meeting, I will have a blank moment, and having my notes helps me remember everything I want to say and ask.
Don't sugar coat and say you're managing just fine. Tell it like it is, and describe the worst day, not the best day. You are not betraying your mother or telling stories behind her back, you are presenting the facts so you can both get all the help you need and are entitled to.
You might think about everything that could possibly help, and make a list. You might also make notes about what sorts of issues and challenges you're facing. Often when I am in the appointment or meeting, I will have a blank moment, and having my notes helps me remember everything I want to say and ask.
Don't sugar coat and say you're managing just fine. Tell it like it is, and describe the worst day, not the best day. You are not betraying your mother or telling stories behind her back, you are presenting the facts so you can both get all the help you need and are entitled to.
I chose to take early retirement and take on a carers role too, but that doesnt make it any easier, does it?
Caring is hard work and can go on for years, so it makes sense to pace yourself and accept any help that is on offer.
Do think about what might help - someone doing your housework/ironing/washing? Someone going shopping for you? A befriender for your mum so that you can get a break? And dont be afraid to ask - if you dont ask, you dont get!
Thank you for your advice. And your so right, it really doesn’t get any easier. I will go for anything that I can get to help me and my mother, the thing that was holding me back from asking was my 3 sisters who come and see mum once in a blue moon and criticise everything I do. And tell me I am doing everything wrong. Then they go home and leave me feeling completely useless. So I think I have been trying to prove to myself and everyone else that I can do it by myself. But the time has come when I admit to myself I need help. Thanks for listening all the best Tizzy.
@Tizzy190 Maybe doing a free online Caring course such as this one: https://alison.com/course/caregiving-skills-dementia-care would boost your confidence in your skills and ability, when dealing with your siblings?
Oh yes, we all have friends/relatives like that
They are known on here as "invisibles"Oh, yes, Tizzy, we know all about the "invisibles" here on TP. Please don't take what they say personally, even if they are your siblings. Either ignore their comments or invite them, one at a time, to come and stay with your mum for two weeks and then they can talk to you about how you are doing as a carer. I have never yet heard a story here on TP where the invisible took up the offer!
I also think the idea of the online carer's course is great. And see what support groups for carers are in your area. It can be really helpful to sit in a room full of other carers who understand what it's like.
I also think the idea of the online carer's course is great. And see what support groups for carers are in your area. It can be really helpful to sit in a room full of other carers who understand what it's like.
As I understand it the person you care for is counted totally separately for any financial assessment for self funding, so should be separate for carers assessments too. They can also be an opportunity to access carers courses if necessary, so have to be worth asking. Our local carers support centre helps with assessments, so I would recommend speaking to your local centre at www.Carers.org to ask for advice and help.
Even if you will be self funding (and do remember that it is only one persons finances - half of any joint accounts - and not including the house you live in) then it is worth having an assessment as the SW knows about, and has access to, things that you may not have thought about. Although we will be self-funding the SW is getting my OH into a day centre for younger men that I think will be right up his street and I had never even heard of it.
My experience after 6 years caring is don’t panic because it is a long road. My wife’s pca results in some bizarre situations but mostly we manage from day to day. Being in East Sussex means social services try but are overstretched. They do keep a list of paid ‘personal assistants’ and one has been helpful. It sounds bleak but you’re mostly on your own. Manage as long as you can but take a break occasionally. Good luck!
