Carers anger

[Raffles]

I am new to all this my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimers over a year ago, he has been given aracept but how does one know if it is helping. I know the things he does are not his fault but I can't get rid of my feeling of anger. I wake up feeling angry as if someone has had a fight with me and the feeling won't go away. I feel as if I blame him for our life beginning to change even though I know it's not his fault. has anyone else had this and how do they cope with it?

 

[julieann15]

Hello Raffles
Welcome to TP. Sad that you have had to join us here but good that you will now be able to access all sorts of advice.

The angry feeling I can relate to. 3 years ago I met my lovely MIL only now to see her disappearing before my eyes. I too feel anger but the answer for me is to take one day at a time and not dwell on the "what ifs" and I try not to think too far ahead. Tackle each day as it comes and try to see the positive things some may seem very insignificant but hang onto these.

Regarding the Aricept I believe this has has helped my MIL initially for the first 2 years. Her consultant is happy to prescibe it at present and we are thankful for that as it really is a postcode lottery with some of the drugs available.

Keep posting- it really does help- some are further down the journey than me and MIl some like you are just starting out but you are in the right place


Love Julie xxx

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Raffles

I`m so sorry your husband has Alzheimers. My husband has it too.

Any form of dementia is destructive. Destructive to the quality of life of the sufferer and also the quality of life of the carer.

The development of any form of dementia cannot be avoided by a different or better life style.
So we all accept dementia is no one`s fault.

It is so hard to live with dementia, if anger would help we would all be angry.
But anger is a destructive emotion. And by giving anger it`s rein we are not helping ourselves or the ones we care for.

This is only my opinion . It`s how I feel. It`s what I would like to be able to be aware of at all times.

Post on Talking Point Raffles. Get rid of your anger here with people who understand how you feel.

 

[susiesue]

I know the things he does are not his fault but I can't get rid of my feeling of anger. I wake up feeling angry as if someone has had a fight with me and the feeling won't go away. I feel as if I blame him for our life beginning to change even though I know it's not his fault. has anyone else had this and how do they cope with it?

Hi Raffles

I could have written that!! My husband has been on Aricept now for approx thre years - I have no idea if it is helping but don't want to take any chances and come off it!!

I too am so angry and the more difficult he becomes, the angrier I get. I too wake up in the mornings dreading the day and I am never disappointed

My husband's whole personality has changed (for the worse) - I too know it is the disease, but like you it doesn't make me feel any better.

I'm sorry I can't tell you how to cope with all this - I feel my life has been ruined by this disease and I do not recognise the person I am living with now. Hopefully someone here will tell us both how to deal with this

Take care

 

[Annoula]

welcome to the TP Raffles,

i felt anger about my mother too. it lasted around 2 years, maybe even more.
i still get angry and feel upset a lot but i think i managed to settle somewhat and try to do whatever i can to be happy and make my mother also happy.

i have no advice to give, i think that everyone takes their own time to get "accustomed" with this terrible disease.

take good care of yourself and try to smile whenever possible.

 

[Helen33]

Hello Raffles

A warm welcome to Talking Point I can certainly identify with how you feel apart from the fact that my husband is not on any medication.

I don't know, but it is possible, that if you didn't feel angry you would feel depressed. My suggestion is to respect your feelings 'whatever' they are and try to find help for yourself. One of failings I have when things are 'out of control' is to 'blame' and it is the 'blaming' element of the anger that is not helpful at all.

The things that have helped me to redirect my feelings of anger away from my husband is to get better help for myself. The carers support group run by the local branch of the Alzheimers Society was a good place for me and also Talking Point. I think the most helpful thing I learnt from these places was that I cannot change the illness but I have to change myself. Nobody actually said this but I began to understand this. I couldn't do anything about the illness but I could do something about myself and I could stop 'blaming' my husband and start chanelling the blame to where some of it belonged. I then blamed the consultant for giving me totally inadequate advice and the services for being inadequate and creating more and more stress by not performing good enough at basic levels (like returning a phone call)!!! This kind of blaming has produced positive results in helping to provide a better service - hopefully to everyone and not just me.

This all was a very long process and I don't want to give the impression that it was quick and simple. Talking Point was, and is, the most perfect kind of support for me because it is always there. I can 'talk' to people at the drop of a hat and I can listen to everyone else at any time. To me it is like a community centre that is accessible 24/7.

I hope I haven't 'talked' too much Raffles and I'll finish by saying that I sincerely hope that you find the right kind of support for you and your situation.

Love

 

[Stephen Hants]

My mother was prescribed Aricept over three years ago. The view of the consultant was that she would have been in a residential home after 12-18 months of diagnosis but instead remained relatively independent for 3 years. This of course has real practical and financial implications. On an individual basis we just see decline but the rate of decline when viewing a large enough population is obviously slowed. It's probably only when you look back do you really see the benefit.

 

[inez]

Hi there. My husband was diagnosed just over a year ago and put on Reminyl. I don't know if it helps or not because I don't know what he would be like without it. I can understand your feeling of anger. I wake each day in tears as I know what it will be like. I think we all tread on eggshells all of the time. TP does help as, if your husband's like mine, resents you going out or even using the phone to talk to family/friends, it can be a lifeline.

Take care.

 

[Bookworm]

Hello & welcome Raffles, & to you & Sue especially - not only do I not always recognise the man I married as being still present in my life - I don't always recognise myself & yes I have feelings of dread when he is about to return home, or for example when we are closeted together with little other company all day.........

........& I have to work very hard to not direct anger at him or me (for me it is about loss, bereavement I think), x