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Carehome stalling discharge from hospital.

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
149
My poor dad has been in hospital since New Year’s Day. Before he went in , the carehome had mentioned a couple of times about finding him somewhere else to go,as he was having anger problems.We had a meeting with SW before Christmas and it was decided to see how it goes and leave it to the home to decide when they couldn’t manage him. He then got a chest infection and because he has gone into hospital,they are stalling having him back. He’s had some anger issues while in hospital and he’s been sedated twice ( not good as his breathing slowed down and he couldn’t even feed himself).Hes been well enough for 8 days to go home.For over a week they wouldn’t even assess him and after some phone calls from the dementia cordinater at the hospital and her ringing Social services they eventually assessed him yesterday, under duress. They have now said they will give their decision today. I’m absolutely fuming .Poor dad hasn’t a clue what’s going on.Hes on a non dementia ward with really sick people and has to just sit there all day. I can only go every other day as it’s 1 1/2 hours on a bus.The nurses aren’t dad sitters. I’ve lost confidence in the management ( can’t fault the carers) as they do not have dads best interest in mind. I haven’t been to the home since dad’s hospital admission because I am so cross and if they say he can go back, it might make it worse. I suppose we will just have to see what the decision is today but even if he did go back , it looks like dad will have to move. Sorry for the rant but I really needed to let of steam and I value your opinions with what you think.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,706
South coast
IIm sorry to hear about your dad. I do hope that he recovers well

I think it is probably time to start looking around at other homes.
If a home is reluctant to have someone back this usually means that they do not feel confident of meeting their needs and you have already mentioned that they do not really know how to deal with his anger. Even if they accept him back you may want to start looking at other places.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
149
Thanks canary. It’s very kind of you to reply. I think a new care home is definitely on the cards. The dementia cordinater at the hospital has been a godsend. She’s not happy with them ,as when she rang 8 days ago ,she was told”WE will tell YOU when we are assessing him”The hospital had to ring them again yesterday.If they had said then ,that he wasn’t going back they would have got the ball rolling for a new placement sooner. Meanwhile poor dad is oblivious to all this ( thank goodness) Think I might ring his social worker today and get her advice on it all. Hope all is well with you canary and thanks again.
 

SKD

Registered User
Last year my Mum was hospitalised due to her aggressive behaviour and her care home refused to take her back - but this has turned out to be for the good. They really couldn't cope with her behaviour and once the hospital had sorted out medication it was decided that she needed a nursing home specialising in dementia. She has deteriorated significantly but the new home is definitely better able to meet her needs and more realistic about her requirements. It has also been less stressful for me as I am not constantly fielding calls from the home about incidents involving Mum.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
149
Thank you for replying SKD. I’m sorry that your mum is deteriorating but glad you found a suitable carehome. The home use to ring me when dad was angry and by the time I would get round to him( 15 mins they are close)he had calmed down so it’s not like they last a long time.Dads anger issues are delusional as he has LBD. They are very occasional Probally once a week and the psychiatrist has said he does not need a specialist carehome .He had a bad episode when admitted to hospital and then one last Wednesday when he was frightened about having his blood pressure done.Also they do not want to change the meds that he’s on. I rang dementia cordinater social worker and carehome today and nobody would answer. I then rang the ward and they said they can get no one from the carehome to answer them. So frustrating.Meanwhile dad is sat in a chair by his bed. When I went yesterday he hadn’t been shaved for 2 days , he was in pjs even though they are meant to dress them.He has not showered which he hates to be dirty.Cant blame the ward, they just haven’t got time as they have really ill patients to care for. I’m at my wits end but will have to wait until tomorrow and hope something will be sorted. I just text my sister and told her how angry I am and she said she’s never seen me angry before.Where dads care is concerned I will fight for him .Who else is there. It’s times like these I wish I drank alcohol .
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,706
South coast
the psychiatrist has said he does not need a specialist carehome
Possibly the psychiatrist is being over optimistic. Ordinary residential homes who will also accept people with dementia only want the very early easy stages of dementia and once the dementia progresses to a certain level they will give notice. The things that worry them are - people wandering especially those who try and get outside, those who go into other peoples rooms or up during the night and/or any sort of aggression. I suspect that your dad is on the cusp of things that an ordinary care home can handle, so you might find that they are not keen on accepting him, or if they do it wont be long until there are problems. You might want to look at some dementia homes.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
149
I agree canary,that he needs to move.I want him to be with people who understand his LBD. I’m cross because when he went into the home , I asked (thanks to TP advice) what behaviour they could not deal with and the manager said none.They dealt with all kinds of dementia. Obviously a lie.Dad was self funding then but LA part funded now. I hope this hasn’t made a difference in their decision. Gosh I’m getting cynical.It does mean that the LA will be involved in a new carehome. Please, does anyone know if they give us a choice or will they just move him to anywhere with a room?
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
149
Well.After 8 days of stalling dads discharge , the care home have said they will definitely not have him back.Why oh why couldn’t they have said that when the hospital asked last week.Poor dad is in limbo.Doesnt know what’s happening and no personal care except the basics. Still not shaved( I can do everything else but for some unknown reason I can’t shave him) Put in net pants when there’s plenty of underwear and he’s not incontinent.Not being a dementia ward is so horrid for him.No stimulation. I’m feeling absolutely *** with the stress of it all.The guilt monster has raised his head again. (Anyone got the big stick)Why did I put him in that carehome? I want to bring him home until another home can be found. Don’t worry,I managed to talk myself out of that but it’s heartbreaking to see my lovely dad looking so sad. Let’s hope the next home will be more able to look after him. Just a waiting game now.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
149
Went to dads carehome this morning and met with the manager.I kept my cool.Made my thoughts known and he was very apologetic with the way he has handled the situation.I told him I know dad has to move( the ball was rolling on that front) but dad is not in the best place at the moment.Hes offered to have dad back and see if he can get 1-1 care for dad( afternoons and evenings) until a place can be found in a new home. I would rather he moved straight from hospital to his new home, less confusing for dad but if it’s going to be a long wait,this would be a solution. Not even sure if he would get funding for this.Anyone else been in this situation? I’ve had to have a day off from visiting dad today as I’m so tired from the travelling( 1 and 1/2 hours on 2 buses there and back) to the hospital and emotionally drained. Think a bar of chocolate might be in order and maybe a good film to take my mind off it all.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
252
Hi Juliematch
What a worrying time for you, with the added stress of a long journey time for visiting your dad. He and you have been treated poorly by his care home, I expect you have lost all confidence in them.
The LA won't just place your dad somewhere, but will give you some possible suggestions to visit I think. I don't know how quickly this can be sorted, but yes you must stay strong and resist the temptation to bring him home. Don't feel guilty, you are doing what is best for your dad.
Definitely time for chocolate and a good film!
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
149
Another week and dads still in hospital, getting more and more confused but Atleast his aggression has settled down for the moment. Dads carehome have not given him notice yet but they have told the hospital they definitely won’t have him back.The Hospital social worker rang today and we have a best interest meeting on Wednesday. She went to see dad today and decided he doesn’t have mental capacity to make a decision .I can help choose a new home for him( even though I don’t have LPA health and welfare) so I hope this time I get it right.Even though he wasn’t showing anger, when I found his last carehome, I still feel I should have done better . I just want to get him settled again.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
149
Another 9 days since my last post. Dad is still in hospital,blocking a bed. We are still waiting for LA funding so I haven’t even been to any care homes to visit to see if they are suitable. I’ve been doing research on line but it’s not going to be in my town so could be anywhere. Dad was doing ok but the last 3 days he’s getting breathless( he has COPD) and is very wobbly when walking.I see this as a result of being sat around and other than going to the loo,not walking anywhere.The OTs do their best but they have so many to deal with. Yesterday when I visited he was not shaved again , he had no underwear on and his clothes were really dirty. There was no washing waiting for me either,so I guess they hadn’t changed him since I last went in. I cut his toenails for him as the care home hadn’t had them done and now he wants me to cut his hair so I guess I will take the clippers in tomorrow. I feel like I’ve gone back to being a full on carer instead of being a daughter who visited and didn’t have the responsibility of general care.After all, dad went into a care home as I couldn’t cope with caring for him, and needed to step back.I’m as stressed now as I was when he had to go into the carehome .The travelling isn’t helping either as I don’t drive. It’s all very well my kids (they live away) saying don’t go to the hospital so much but If I don’t go in, I dread to think how dads care would be. Sorry for the moan.I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself today. I’m so tired. Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a good day.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
139
I am so sorry for your dad and for you. He must be quite confused and you must be exhausted! Maybe people who say don’t visit so much inhabit a world where they believe that hospitals run smoothly and are well resourced.

Hoping that you manage to get him moved somewhere nice so that you can relax a bit
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
149
What a relief.Good news at last.Social worker has just rang and they have found a placement for dad at a beautiful carehome which has specialist dementia and nursing home. It’s quite a way from me,so visiting won’t be so easy but I don’t care as long as he’s cared for and he’s happy.They are assessing him on Monday with a view of moving him on Tuesday. Unfortunately I’ve gone down with a cold (the stress of the last 4 weeks hasn’t helped,I expect)so can’t visit either the hospital or the carehome. Frustrating but I hope by Monday I will feel better.It may be I won’t get to see the home before he moves which is not ideal and certainly not what I would want but as it’s the only place with a room,there’s no other choice anyway. A relative had a PWD at the home and she said the care was excellent. Just keeping my fingers crossed that the assessment goes well.
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
1,799
That's really good news. It must be a real relief for you and hopefully you will be able to relax a bit over the weekend and shake off that cold. Hope the assessment goes well on Monday.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
149
It is a relief Louise7. He’s losing his mobility sat in a hospital chair all day and now only walks if OT gets him up. Im also relieved that it’s somewhere he can stay until the end.This was very important to me as he’s been in 2 homes now and neither have been great. As he has COPD ,the nurses are in the new home 24/7 which is another bonus and hopefully he won’t have to go into hospital so much. Just feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders .
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
139
Thank goodness light shines on you both. Hope the assessment goes well, your cold gets better and he is offered a place and settles in quickly.
 

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