care

[May 1]

How do I cope with my OH going in to care home for respite /longterm.I feel like I am useless.I should be able to manage him but it
Is becoming increasingly difficult,he is only 67 but has become aggressive /violent. I am angry all the time. I rage at every thing, this disease has taken both our lives. How do other people justify this? ?.

 

[Beate]

Love, everyone needs a break. He could be the loveliest person on earth and still caring is hard work. So stop trying to justify it, you're not in front of a judge. None of us is superhuman and yet society and the government expect us to care for people that some care homes reject as too difficult. Don't be your own worst enemy and arrange the respite before your health suffers any more.

 

[canary]

Dont beat yourself up May. The problem with dementia is that quite often their needs are greater than one one person can supply - dont confuse caregiving with love. Just because he needs more than you are able to do doesnt mean that you have stopped loving him, or are rejecting him in any way.
Give your self a break and have a rest. If he gets to the stage where he needs a CH permanently it will be because he needs a whole team of people, rather than just one tired person. He will still need you, its just that the care will be different.

 

[Aisling]

How do I cope with my OH going in to care home for respite /longterm.I feel like I am useless.I should be able to manage him but it
Is becoming increasingly difficult,he is only 67 but has become aggressive /violent. I am angry all the time. I rage at every thing, this disease has taken both our lives. How do other people justify this? ?.

Hi love,

Yes it is a devastating disease. Only carers like us fully understand it.
It is draining and exhausting, physically, emotionally and mentally for the carer.

You are totally drained and exhausted. This is the reason you are feeling so horrible.
Take a deep breath now if you can. You are NOT useless. You are angry. You can't submerge feelings so express them in a safe place for you. Believe me I have tried to do that and result was awful headaches.

You are correct in saying that it has taken both of your lives. You can't go on like this. You need this respite. Have you someone to help you organise it. I do hope you have. Is OH getting respite soon?

Please free free to PM me. Am on TP every day. It is my lifeline.

Hugs and support,

Aisling

 

[pamann]

Hello May 1 welcome to TP everyone one here knows just how you feel, most of us are going through similar problems.
You need a break from caring, take any chance of respite that is offered to you, when my hubby went in for respite the relief was wonderful, 24/7 of caring without help will make you ill, try day care, if he will go that would give you a break.
Take care of yourself, keep posting we are all here for you.