My mum has lived with me for the past 15 years but last year went for an extended stay with my brother (at her request) with a view to making it permanent but it didn't work out and she is now back with me. We were aware that mum was showing signs of dementia and my brother was very keen to show he could provide the support etc but when it came to it he couldn't. Whilst mum was with him she received the Alzheimer's diagnosis which to a certain extent for me has been liberating because I can see that past behaviour which I thought was cruel and hurtful was probably early signs of the illness. Anyway I am now caring for her and it is hard. I work full time although partly from home thanks to coronavirus. What I am wondering is whether there is any point in me seeking a care needs assessment as they are likely to say that her needs are covered because I am doing her cooking cleaning washing shopping etc. She can do things for herself like make a cup of tea and I always leave treats out which she loves and is quite happy to help herself to. But when left to make a sandwich she used raw bacon instead of ham and easy garlic in stead of pickle. I don't think she would remember how to use the cooker or the washing machine. I have to persuade her to give me her dirty clothes or she will just rinse them through in the sink. When she was with my brother she called me at least 8 times a day as she was lonely and not sure where she was etc but now when I have been in work she has started that again if she is home alone. Fortunately my 20 year old daughter and 21 year old niece live with me so they have also been working from home but I am sure they will soon be back in the office. I don't know what help to ask for and maybe feel that I just have to try harder, be more organised and get on with it
Care needs assessment
- Thread starter Katyos
- Start date
Of course you should ask for a care needs assessment - you are also entitled to a needs assessment in your own right as a carer. You need to tell the assessor (in both cases) how caring for your mother affects your daily life, and make it clear that packing in the job is not an option (you need it both now and for the future). Depending on the outcome of the needs assessment for your mother, you may also want to consider asking your employer to allow you to work flexibly to help you accommodate your mother's needs. This is a legal entitlement too.
We will be self-funders when it gets to that point, which in some ways confers freedoms many others don't have, but nevertheless in due course I will insist on proper needs assessments as a way of documenting an independent view of the issues. Another way of looking at it is that because we are with the PWD day to day it becomes easy to 'miss' how significant some changes may have been, and a new professional view of the situation can be very helpful.
Another thing I would add is that you shoudn't underestimate how draining the caring experience is - in my case it's all the management and admin side of things rather than physical care at the moment - but I am finding, three months on from a diagnosis I was expecting for five years, that I feel ennervated and just plain sad a lot of the time. This is a rational response to the situation we are in, and it's unkind to oneself to suppose that 'pulling oneself together' is the answer.
Get in to the habit of asking for help now - it's not easy (I am the worst, but we're not as far down the path as you are yet) but if you don't you will find yourself - eventually - at a complete standstill, and there's no need. The government relies on people like us coping indefinitely, and if we don't make it clear that this isn't acceptable let alone realistic they will continue to underestimate the problem, and avoid trying to find ways of dealing with it.
We will be self-funders when it gets to that point, which in some ways confers freedoms many others don't have, but nevertheless in due course I will insist on proper needs assessments as a way of documenting an independent view of the issues. Another way of looking at it is that because we are with the PWD day to day it becomes easy to 'miss' how significant some changes may have been, and a new professional view of the situation can be very helpful.
Another thing I would add is that you shoudn't underestimate how draining the caring experience is - in my case it's all the management and admin side of things rather than physical care at the moment - but I am finding, three months on from a diagnosis I was expecting for five years, that I feel ennervated and just plain sad a lot of the time. This is a rational response to the situation we are in, and it's unkind to oneself to suppose that 'pulling oneself together' is the answer.
I don’t think at all that you just need to try harder. I would certainly ask for a care assessment. I see that you’ve had a full reply whilst I’m typing so I won’t go on any further other than to say please do get an assessment and begin to put support in place.
This factsheet might be of interest -
www.alzheimers.org.uk
This factsheet might be of interest -
Assessment for care and support in England
What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
