Care homes

Jujumonk

Registered User
Dec 16, 2017
10
Essex
Hi my mum has dementia and was living at home with carers for an hour in mornings and I was coping (just) with doing the rest. Over xmas she got uti and ended up in hospital for two weeks. Social then said she needed 24 hrs care for 4 weeks when she comes out and advised a care home. She has now been in the care home for 5 days, and as kind as the people are in there it just seems wrong for her to be in there she has two little dogs at home that are missing her. Has anyone else experienced this and are there any other options.
 

Petunia59

Registered User
Oct 11, 2019
30
Does your Mum have other issues? My Mum has had dozens of UTI's but it has never been said she should have 24 hour care. She lives alone with 4 carers a day plus me 3 days a week.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,274
South coast
Social Services do not recommend a care home lightly - their aim is to keep people at home as long as possible.
Do you know why they have recommended 24/7 care? Was she doing dangerous things like going out (maybe inadequately clothed) and getting lost?
Once they get to the stage of needing 24/7 care the only options apart from a care home are 1) moving in with family/family moving in with them - which puts enormous pressure on the family and is not usually sustainable, or 2) having a live in carer - which is very expensive and isnt funded by Social Services. A care home is usually the best option.
 

Nandi

Registered User
Mar 20, 2018
28
Grimsby
So sad but what is best for my husband in care now so I take dog to visit remembers his name also have a photo of dog in his room. Most care homes allow dog in .
 

Jujumonk

Registered User
Dec 16, 2017
10
Essex
Thank you all for your replies. They did say she could come home with extra carers and go to day centre during the day which sound good but day centre dont open at weekends and I cannot be with her all weekend. I will ask about dog visits when I go tomorrow. I looked into live in carer but the cost started about £800 a week and we cannot afford that. I feel very guilty about her being there.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,274
South coast
Please dont feel guilty @Jujumonk - it is not your fault that your mum now needs 24/7 care.
My mum actually thrived being in a care home and there are many others on this forum who have experienced the same. The general perception seems to be that moving into a care home equals failure, but it is not. In many many cases the move is positive (although it usually takes time for them to settle in). Mum made friends, joined in the activities and was happy there. I was not expecting that at all, but moving mum into her care home was the best decision I made for her.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,410
Please dont feel guilty @Jujumonk - it is not your fault that your mum now needs 24/7 care.
My mum actually thrived being in a care home and there are many others on this forum who have experienced the same. The general perception seems to be that moving into a care home equals failure, but it is not. In many many cases the move is positive (although it usually takes time for them to settle in). Mum made friends, joined in the activities and was happy there. I was not expecting that at all, but moving mum into her care home was the best decision I made for her.
Maybe if she had carers in 4 times a day after a spell of respite then she might be able to cope. UTI’s really play havoc with PWD
 

Jujumonk

Registered User
Dec 16, 2017
10
Essex
Please dont feel guilty @Jujumonk - it is not your fault that your mum now needs 24/7 care.
My mum actually thrived being in a care home and there are many others on this forum who have experienced the same. The general perception seems to be that moving into a care home equals failure, but it is not. In many many cases the move is positive (although it usually takes time for them to settle in). Mum made friends, joined in the activities and was happy there. I was not expecting that at all, but moving mum into her care home was the best decision I made for her.
Thank you canary for your reply I would like to think she will be ok in there
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,034
I have a similar experience to Canary with my own mother. She has now been in a care home for two years, and she is very content there. She no longer has to worry about anything and she is never alone, there is always someone there to reassure and help her. My mother left her beloved cat at home (I rehomed him) and although she mentioned him for a couple of months, she forgot about him fairly quickly. At first it is difficult to see your mother in a care home because it is such an 'alien' environment, but over time you will get used to her being there.